Welcome to the big girl world....

Last week I mentioned sending my letter to opposing counsel. I can only imagine what he did when he received it, but I don't think him shitting on it and setting it on fire are outside of the realm of possibility. 

I say this because this week, my client was served with motions regarding her case, after he knew I was her attorney. For you non-attorneys out there, let me explain: that doesn't go against figurative ethical protocol. It goes against ACTUAL WRITTEN FUCKING RULES. Specifically, one regarding contacting a person that they know to be represented by counsel. I was pissed, but I let it slide. 

Even though I wanted to smack a bitch. 

He also filed a piece of shit motion that was passed ex parte. And, again, for you non-legal scholars, ex parte doesn't mean a party where all your exes are in attendance (although given the circumstances--custody, I find  the name ironic)-- it simply means my client didn't receive notice of the proceedings. 

I may have done some of this when I got wind of this shit. 

But today. TODAY. While arranging a hearing with him on the phone during a conference call with a judicial assistant, I happened to ask if he had gotten the letter of confirmation regarding another hearing we have together. His response: I'm sure my girls got it. 

To which I replied "That's funny, because I called your office yesterday and "your girl" told me you were the only one who had access to that email account. So....is there a secondary address I can send this next confirmation to in order to assure you get it?" 

Come at me, bro bitch. 

Sometimes, it's the little things. 

Things not to say to unemployed, job-seeking attorneys

I wrote this post back in October, never dreaming that nearly a seven months later, I'd still be without a job. But here I am, and here it is. At the time, I was rubbed raw about a comment about my unemployment, and wrote this as a response. However, I didn't post it because I feared repenting in leisure. Today, I'm not angry. I'm not upset about anyone's words. And I'm really glad most of my friends have jobs. I will admit I'm extremely frustrated about my self-perceived lack of forward momentum and the way I feel stuck in neutral while the rest of the world passes me by. I yearn for a sense of autonomy. A sense of purpose. And let's not forget actually having cash on hand. Regardless, I think this is a good and somewhat funny post and it seems a shame to let it lay around in my drafts folder. 

Also, enjoy this excellent gif of how I react when anyone tries to tell me about what I should be doing differently during my job hunt: 

Just...no.

JOBLESS AND HOPELESS: 

 Some of y'all out there don't realize how much your words may hurt. Allow me to bring that to your attention...............

Things Not to Say to Newly Minted, Unemployed, Job-Seeking Attorneys

1. “Why don’t you just work pro bono for a while?”
   
   
    OMG, I’D LOVE TO WORK PRO BONO. I’m assuming you’ll be paying for my malpractice insurance in case someone sues me? No? Oh, then you’ll pay any court costs that arise for my clients who cannot pay filing fees and cannot get them waived? No? Then SHUT THE FUCK UP.
   
   
2. “Wow. After seeing how hard of a time you’re having finding gainful employment, I’m so glad I’ve got a job!”
   
   
   I do not care how well-meaning you are. This comes across as smug. And offensive. And generally douchey. And quite frankly, I’m not sure how you think comparing your employment to my PROFESSIONAL LIFE SUCKING is supposed to be (a) supportive, (b) empathetic, or (c) appropriate in any setting.
   
   
3. “What are you doing wrong?”::deep breath:: I really don’t want to have this conversation with you. I also REALLY don’t want to rip your head off. If I’m doing anything wrong, it’s surrounding myself with assholes like you. But seriously, I invite you to look at legal employment statistics, right now: here, here, and here. Then I invite you to shut the fuck up.
4. “You can open your own practice! It will be easy!”
   
   
   I’ll forgive you for your ignorance this one time. Firms cost money. And I’m unemployed. And I don’t have malpractice insurance. And I don’t have any forms. And I’ve never practiced law before, so my potential for screwing this up is remarkably high. I also can’t afford a legal search engine. And I’m scared. And did I mention I have no money?!?!
   
   
5. ::quotes depressing employment statistic::
   
   
   Good for you! You read the above links and know about unemployment in America! Again, how is it supposed to make us feel any better? If anything, it makes us feel worse, because we’re now a statistic, and these numbers don’t offer anything in way of improving our situation.
6. “Maybe you should lower your expectations.”

   You’re absolutely right! I should work at Footlocker! Or for no money! And no benefits! Also, I should absolutely welcome sexual harassment from the skeezy guy that’s offered me a great “business opportunity.” Look, buddy: I’m not looking for a $100,000 per year job. I just want to get paid for my work. And I’d like to work in a field where I’m utilizing the degree for which I’m currently paying student loans. If my expectations get any lower, I might as well cut up my cardboard box and get out my Sharpie marker. 

Being unemployed and looking is hard. I’ve applied for a lot of jobs. I’ve been rejected by all of them in some fashion. I know many people are well-meaning, and just as many just don’t think before they open their mouths. However, it hurts. My first student loan bill just came in. And if you don’t think I had a mini-breakdown thinking about my inability to repay these debts, then you’d be wrong.

None of us like to show how much this continuous rejection hurts. I like to make funny posts about my bevvy of job-hunting fails because it minimizes the fear and upset and confusion and uncertainty. We also don’t like to tell you to shut up, because a lot of times it’s the people closest to us that are making these comments.

So please, before you try to “empathize” with new (or even old) lawyers that cannot find a job, think about the comment you’re about to make. If it’s anything other than “I’m really sorry” or “I hope things start looking up for you,” then don’t say it. Treat us like we’ve just suffered some great loss. Because we have. We have lost our confidence. And our faith.

And even though we know it will eventually get better, it doesn’t minimize the enormity of now. 

No, she doesn't leap buildings with a single bound...because she isn't GIVEN THE CHANCE. 

Patent Bar--too lazy to ask?

As a mini-rant--I've applied to sit for the patent bar examination, as my imminent employment opportunities don't look so rosy. I've been out of school for nearly a year with no nibbles at my employment hook, and I'm starting to get even more irritated regarding my unemployed status (but that's okay, because I apparently take lots of bar examinations as a consolation, which should indicate my level of sanity).

A week and a half ago, I sent in my package for the patent bar. Let me be clear: the patent bar is both the easiest application process and the most ridiculous application process I've seen for a bar examination. I don't have to give ANY employment history. I don't have to give ANY of the places I've lived in the past. References? WHO NEEDS EM? However, they do want to know about EVERY.SINGLE.ticket you've ever received, as well as *why* you qualify to take their special exam.

I spent ages getting my classes together, highlighting them, printing out course descriptions, showing the grades I received on my transcript, etc. I also had to go to four different jurisdictions in two separate states to get the five (speeding) tickets I've received in my lifetime. I sent in those proofs of payment, thinking they would be enough to demonstrate all that is taken care of.

Does this LOOK like I'm kidding? Also, no comments on my "C's". They count, lol.

Flash forward to today: I receive a letter in the mail requesting additional information about these tickets. What jurisdiction did I receive them in? What did I receive them for? What was the disposition in the case? Never mind this was all in the proof of receipts I sent. NOOOOO, they want ME to explain them. So I did. I wrote allllll of that junk down, and I'm sending it in on Monday.

I guess the silver lining is that I know they received my junk (silly me--I forgot to send them a self-addressed envelope so they could confirm they received my package) AND I know that my classes are sufficient to qualify for the patent examination. :D

Now all I have to do is see whether they will let me in............and if I can pass.

Job Market...an update and some admissions

Let's be real. I'm not an eternal optimist per se, but I DO believe in doors opening and opportunities presenting themselves and all that Pollyanna bullshit. I believe in positive thinking, and I'm dogged in my approach in that if I'm kicked, I return for more. It's very difficult for me to accept defeat, although I'm very much so used to it and am not normally used to having things handed to me on a highly-polished silver platter.

There has been a marked shift in my thinking since I've graduated from law school and passed the bar. I attribute this to the fact that I've been facing the realities of the legal job market for nearly a year, and still feel as if no new job opportunities are on my horizon. Although I don't think I have to explain jack-shit about my résumé, for the sake of allowing you some insight to my situation: I was solidly in the middle of my graduating class. My family are NOT lawyers, and I attended law school in a state other than I grew up in. I also took and passed the bar in that same state. I completed two separate internships with highly respected judges, one of which was for our state's Supreme Court. I participated in three separate legal clinics, was on two traveling teams, donated over 300 hours of pro bono time to the indigent while in law school, and took a wide variety of classes. I liked the rigors of law school, particularly the types of rigors associated with the practice of law.

So yeah, while my grades were mediocre, I've got plenty on my résumé and feel confident in my achievements. Which is why my continued state of unemployment is such a bitter pill to swallow. (Plus the fact that there are people who weren't even in the middle of the class who are employed and have been since graduation.)

So let me hit you with some truth, if you haven't realized it yet: the legal job market SUCKS. I recently interviewed for a job for a legal secretary position in which 25 applications were received and THREE of them were from current lawyers. This was for a $26,000 position, mind you, out in the middle of Bumfuck Egypt. I'll let that sink in for a moment. 

And when I read blog posts from people still in law school telling people who've already taken the bar and are seeking employment that they should talk to their career services department at their school, I just want to laugh. Hysterically. While slightly weeping. While I never endeavored to tell people how they should be searching for jobs when I didn't know of them or their situation, I used to be as positive (I'll refrain from calling it naive or blind). But the reality is that career services can't create jobs. And if your department is telling you of that job, it means at least twenty of your colleagues are also going to competing against you for that position. 

I've also had someone ask me what was wrong with my applications when I told her I was still looking for a job. She's lucky to still be breathing, as I would have rather snapped her neck than listen to her speak another syllable. People don't get it. Even people within the profession or who are actively involved in those who are in the profession. 

And even when I have an interview and do reaallly well and feel realllly good about it, they normally never call me back. It's like dating from hell. I send each of my cover letters and résumés out with a little prayer (or whatever one calls it). I'm still hopeful, but cautiously so. Because this much rejection hurts. Although not nearly as bad as the ignorance that abounds regarding what I'm doing wrong with respect to my job hunting. 

Bar Exam Neurosis

Let's be clear: I don't use my blawg to create a persona. I am true to myself, and am perfectly fine being super ridiculous and nerdy and cheesy. 

So I'm gonna drop some truth on you right now: when it comes to test-taking, I am a NEUROTIC BITCH. Not like, oh, kinda crazy and don't bathe when it comes time to take the test. Like, have to regurgitate said test back in my hotel room so I can purge it from my mind forever. 

Yeah, you heard that right. I rewrite all the questions I can remember from the exam. Because I'm fucking crazy. (Although I would rather be crazy than think it's acceptable NOT TO BATHE WHEN I'M GOING TO BE IN PUBLIC.)

Proof is in the (cray) pudding. And my neurosis is especially evident in the fact that no,
you can't read my writing because I resized the photo to prevent such things from happening. 

Today, I managed to remember 94 questions from each session. No, I will not give them to you. No, I do not plan on disseminating them to anyone. I will probably burn them after this fucking bar exam, because really, they serve no purpose to me. They're just the byproduct of mental cleansing. 

And yet, I feel no less crazy now than when I started. 

(Don't judge me.)

(My mother does that enough for the both of us)

Texas Hunger Games....I mean, Bar Exam

As the days run out, all I can think about is how I'm surely approaching my doom. Which gives rise to some excellent quotes from The Hunger Games:

"Stupid people are dangerous." 

"Here's some advice: stay alive." 

"Aim higher, in case you fall short." 

At any rate, hope you enjoy my little piece of "sunshine," just in time for the Texas Hunger Games Bar Exam. 

"Tick, tock."

This is your brain, bar exam style...

I'm pretty sure this is self-explanatory. 

(Pray to the merciful 6 lb, 8 oz. baby lord Jesus for my everloving soul....)

Would YOU willingly vacay in BEL?

It's crunch time in BarExamLand, the magical place where unicorns and rainbows go to die. 

Incidentally, that's where my soul has also gone to die. 

But it could be worse...I could be taking the bar exam in Louisiana....which started THIS WEEK.

We're alllll gonnnnna diiieeee (or: a bar exam update)

You know that point where it hits you that a HUGEMONGEOUS deadline is approaching and you are sitting there with your thumb up your ass and not a clue in the world with regards to the impending sucktasticness?

I'm there. 

I have 34 days to cram for the Texas bar examination, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail. I have no friggin idea what I'm doing. I have no initiative and I'm wandering around without knowing ANY OF THE LAWS. I *know* that I've done some stuff. But I don't think it's enough. I'm good with Contracts, but how about EVERY OTHER SUBJECT?

So today is the day I freak out, barricade myself in my hidey hole, and make suitable plans to study in remote locations where no one can find me.

All the while clutching my stomach, rocking from side to side, and murmuring about how I've been forsaken by my brain. And how WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE......

You tell em, Katniss. 

God help me.

Plan of attack for Texas Bar studying--where I stand, where I want to go #1

As I prepare by myself for the bar examination, I've pledged to update y'all on my blawg as to how I'm studying, what I'm doing, and my plans for the future. Here is a breakdown of the examination and a written analysis of what I've set out to do.....

Texas Essays: 

There are twelve Texas-specific essays (2 Real Property, 2 Business Administrations, 2 UCC, 2 Family Law, 2 Wills and Estates, 1 Trusts OR Guardianship, 1 Consumer Law, w/ crossover topics of Federal Income Tax and Bankruptcy). I've already retyped the notes for Agency, Bankruptcy, Commercial Paper, Civ Pro, Community Property, Consumer Law, Family Law, Federal Income Tax, and Oil and Gas. I'm working on Trusts at this moment. 

This means I need to tackle Corporations, Wills, Texas Real Property, Secured Transactions, , and possibly Contracts. I already feel moderately comfortable with Secured Transactions, because I had a friggin awesome teacher for that, and it's a UCC (aka: mostly national standard) topic. 

For this portion, I plan on retyping the notes that will be most helpful to me, which also means I have to go back through during the final week's review and fill everything in, which will function as a great refresher. For the subjects I feel less strong with regard to or which do no lend themselves to effective outlining, I plan to chart. The next couple of weeks, I'll finish reviewing these subjects, then circle back and start charting some more, plus add in actual essay practice. I'll probably begin essay practice in two weeks. 

MBE:

There are six MBE subjects (Contracts, Constitutional Law, Criminal Law, Evidence, Torts, Real Property). I also plan to work six days out of the week. Thus, I will devote myself to one subject per day, particularly with regard to MBE questions, for the first few weeks. Toward the end, of course, I'll swap to varying questions and focus on subjects I am not doing as well in. 

Texas Procedure and Evidence:

Texas P&E has me nervous, but it also only counts for 10% of the exam. As I've said, I've already rewritten Civ Pro, which was 70 pages and killed a piece of my soul, I'm pretty sure. This means I have to go through the Texas Criminal Procedure plus Civil/Criminal Evidence sections with a fine-toothed comb, because I'm not sure of all the differences. I did well with non-specific criminal law and evidence, but I don't want to get stuck because I don't know the distinctions. 

This subject is also much different because it's a short answer portion, which I didn't have on my last bar examination. As such, I have to print out several of the past Texas tests and start quizzing myself on these. I plan to spend two days per week studying and preparing for the P&E. I will begin by going through the notes and either charting or rewriting them (there are LOTS of pages, so I'm not sure how long this will take me), then I will force myself to take an entire 90 minute practice conditions exam, grade it, then focus where I obviously know jackshit. 

MPT:

This section is also worth 10%. I've already been tested on this on the prior exam, but didn't do as well as I would have liked. I think I may procure a Kaplan book to help prepare, because I've heard that Kaplan really helps in this area moreso than Barbri, and anything that may bring up the score a few points can't be a bad thing. I plan on addressing this subject once a week. 

Ultimately:

I don't feel nearly as nervous as I did, and I attribute that in part to the chart I created acclimating myself with the Texas Bar Examination. (I did a breakdown. I'll attach it on my next blog post.) This helped me visualize the examination, and made it easier to understand which subjects I'm going to need to tackle. In short, it made it seem less insurmountable. 

While I initially thought I was going to do a calendar marking out the next seven weeks, I decided instead to break it down on a weekly basis. On Sundays, I'll analyze my progress, update my blog, and plan out the next week's course of attack. I think this will be more helpful because I won't feel like I'm failing if I spend more time on a subject I really need to address or less on one I find I already know. If you're interested in a blank, fillable study chart, let me know, and I don't mind sending it to you. 

Adventures in Bar Exam Land

I feel that I've reached an impasse at this point of my bar studying. If you'll recall, I made the decision to study without enlisting the (ridiculously expensive) aid of Barbri, although I was given a full set of Texas Barbri books with which to study by a Twitter friend.

From this point, I proceeded to study throughout December to give myself something to do and so I wouldn't feel rushed about my studies in the new year....which, if you've ever studied for a bar exam, know that's LAUGHABLE. So ha ha ha to me.

As of now, I've finished retyping 8 out of 20 handouts; the subjects I've already tackled are Agency/Partnership, Bankruptcy, Texas Civ Pro, Commercial Paper, Community Property, Consumer Law, Federal Income Tax, and Oil & Gas. This leaves me with a shitton more to finish, and the slightly panicky feeling no one likes to have but most associate with impending bar examinations.

It's at this juncture that I need to seriously ask myself how much I'm learning by retyping. I think I've learned quite a lot, and I'm going to have to go through everything again and fill in the blanks, which isn't that big of a deal and which will definitely help to jog my memory. It's also helpful to retype because it ensures I've seen it at least once. However, I know I'm a charts person, and I passed my last bar examination largely in part due to my incessant charting. On the other hand, I also had lecturers last time, which assisted me in tackling what I'm now attempting to retype because I was guaranteed to HEAR everything at least once.

Today is the day I lay out the next eight weeks of my life in a calendar to keep myself accountable and so I can minimize my feelings of extreme malaise and discomfiture. So, I guess my ultimate decision is how I want to approach the bar exam from this point forward. Do I want to finish typing ALL of the handouts? (I have 700 pages left.) Do I want to try to read them and see how much I retain? Which subjects do I want to chart?

Regardless, I went ahead and made myself a breakdown of the Texas bar examination, including what all is on the essay, the percentage each portion is worth (in lovely pie chart form), and what to expect on each section. After I finish my calendar (likely tomorrow), I will post that . And I'm thinking of documenting either in daily form or weekly form what I've been doing by myself to get prepared for the barf exam. :)

What do Y'ALL think?

I HATE HATE HATE PACKING

I'm finally moving from my apartment (back into my parents' house until I find a job....fail) and am feverishly packing. I packed for a while during October and the last time I was in town, but left stuff because I didn't know when I would *officially* be moving out. I gave my notice a week or so ago. Then I started packing kinda for real.

Yesterday, my wonderful boyfran and I loaded up my house furniture that I wanted to keep, leaving my bedroom furniture alone (because that shit is new and if we fucked it up, I was going to cut someone). The things I didn't want, we put on the curb. The definition of hysterical? Watching a couple of frat guys claim your old pink particleboard desk. After our first trip, one of my dear friends came over to assist with the bedroom furniture. By seven o'clock p.m. we had moved all my furniture to my storage unit.

This is after actually cleaning up the living room. 

The rest of the house, however, is a joke. There are dustballs everywhere and I woke up this morning barely able to breathe. My dogs also made this trip with me after being MIA for several months (bf was starting to get pissed that he hadn't seen them). Crackers is sullen, having been pulled from outside where she can eat whenever the hell she feels like it and run around doing things that are generally looked down upon in my household. The second dog, Rosy, (who used to be an outside dog) came inside and told me she's never going back outside EVER. Except to pee.

So now I'm alone again, packing up the rest of my shit and wondering if I would actually miss anything if I just were to throw it all away.

I don't think I would.

I assure you this is a lot more shameful in person. 

No...really.

This whole apartment thing ain't working out anymore....(Or: I'm too old for this shit)

I go to bed around 1:00 (adjusted time) last night, savoring the extra hour to myself.

Then, around 4:30, I'm awakened by a woman's moans. I'm disoriented, worried, and blind (I've got 20/600 vision). I also hear "no."

I jump to my feet, grab around for my glasses. Can't find them. I rush to turn on the light. I'm pissed my gun is in the other room, not that I'd be able to shoot anyone if a woman were being assaulted outside of my window, since I can't see one foot in front of me.

Then I realize it's either (a) my neighbors having sex, with her being extremely vocal or (b) my neighbors blasting porn.*

As that awareness washes over me, my heart settles from about 220 beats per minute to a (still high) 150 beats per minute. And my worry turns to fury. I turn to the wall and beat on it three times, vowing to myself to call the authorities and report a domestic disturbance if it didn't cease (it WAS a domestic disturbance...they were disturbing me).

Ms. Oooh-Yes-Oooh-No shuts the fuck up.

But it takes me about twenty minutes to get rid of that adrenaline and settle back to sleep.

Undergrads. Can't live next to them. Can't shoot them with my 9.

*I'm guessing porn, due to her sounding JUST LIKE a fucking porn star. And owing to the fact that as soon as I banged on the wall, all noises stopped. Headphones? 

Red flags while job hunting

As I've mentioned eleventy billion times, I'm hunting for a job. Most recently, I had a lead on a criminal defense position in a satellite office close to where I'm situated now. Since criminal law is ultimately where I want to end up, I applied and got an interview, which I attended and bitched about earlier. I also sent him a revamped appellate brief, which is actually pretty good.  And then I spent last night driving seven hours to make it to another pseudo-not-really-but-kinda-is-an-interview this morning.

And now that I've met with him, I can tell you I'm tired, disgusted, and pretty fucking disillusioned. But never fear...from my failings, I can give you some pointers on detecting red flags set forth by an employer (okay, just this employer). 

(For the record, I'm pathetically ridiculously proud of this image.)

Red Flag #1) Doesn't value your time

I got to his firm twenty minutes early, following a three-hour long car drive. After waiting forty-five minutes, I was told he was held up in court and couldn't make it. They also acknowledged that they were requesting something unusual that required the judge to clear the courtroom, which meant it would occur at the end of the docket. This tells me (a) this delay was entirely predictable and (b) even with this knowledge, no one cared enough to inform me about the almost-certain delay.

Red Flag #2) Lack of preparation

I try to give employers the benefit of the doubt on this one, particularly since they are typically inundated with resumes and cover letters and ALL THE THINGS. However, he hadn't read my resume, and spent the first ten minutes in silence reviewing it.

Awkward. Unnecessary. Story of my life.

Red Flag #3) Lack of interest in getting to know you

During my interview, he didn't ask me a single personal question. He also didn't listen to my answers, as evidenced by asking about several things I had already mentioned (not followups, either). I'm pretty awesome. Why wouldn't someone want to get to know me?!!?!?

Red Flag #4) Poor relationship with past employees

I shit you not, almost immediately after beginning my interview, this would-be employer (from now on called "WBE" for short) started loudly shit-talking the people that had formerly worked at this office. This shit-talking ranged from calling them terrible at their jobs to making veiled accusations that they somehow perpetuated fraud against his firm. I'm not just talking about one person--he talked shit about two previous associates AND his current law-clerk, whom he uses like his little Girl Friday.

Red Flag #5) Open demonstrations about lack of give-a-fuck regarding clients

This WBE invited me to meet him at the court for observation (I guess...the meaning wasn't super-clear to me, and remains rather elusive still). I got there, and within one minute, he tells me he arrived without the case file for his client. I can understand mistakes, but he's completely unapologetic about it. He's actually bordering on gleeful, telling both me and his client that he could be put in jail for being unprepared. I begin to wonder if this is part of his fucked up manipulation of the court system....

Red Flag #6) Lack of Discretion

I'm not sure what prompted this confession, but the WBE began to brag about blowing a .16 and being arrested, then making the DUI go away. There were (and still are) no words.

Red Flag #7) Tax Classifications

After my first meeting with this guy, I went to my CPA to discuss everything, and she equipped me with one question to ask him: would I be filing a 1099 or a W2? He told me today it'd be a 1099, which is for independent contractor status. When I asked how he would be showing the $2000 per month he'd be taking off for overhead, he told me it wouldn't show on my check and I wouldn't be able to write it off. He also told me I would be classified as an employee (which I don't think is feasible without much more worrisome tax implications), a status that is normally afforded a W2. I'm still confused about this.

Red Flag #8) Lack of "knowledge" about his firm

I don't care who you are. If the guy "in charge" begins to pretend or genuinely doesn’t know anything with regard to specifics about his firm, its incorporation, and tax/liability issues that may arise, then I don't really want to work for him. Because that's scary.

Red Flag #9) Use of offensive language

This is pretty self-explanatory. I'm in his office for three minutes today when he gets a phone call with bad news. He openly and explosively uses the term “mother fucker” several times. Unless you're Samuel L. Jackson "interviewing" someone, THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE in such a setting. (And I'm obviously no prude when it comes to offensive language, but there is a time and place, ladies and gentlemen!)

Red Flag #10) Asks for favors

This guy takes the cake with regard to the biggest WHAT THE FUCK moment I've probably ever had with a potential employer. While at home, I receive a call asking about the writing sample I've agreed to send him. Obviously, this is before any job offer has been made/considered. I explain I'm back home in the boondocks (another state away) for my little brother's livestock shows, and that I'll have to send it when I access high-speed internet (no joke, my parents still have dial-up).

After hearing I'm not in the state, he (hand to God) says, "Well, I guess that means you can't make an appearance for me in court tomorrow."

You're right. I can't. And I NEVER EVER WILL.

The end. 

Legal job prospects really aren't looking so good

....which is why I made a chart about it, rather than crying some more while on the phone with a fellow unemployed friend sitting here moping about it.

As you can see, I'm on anger, although it swings wildly between rage and depression. I got rejected twice in the past 24 hours for two jobs I really wanted.

(Bastards.)

On the prowl....

Rawr.

Job Search, Part 1 (Or: How the Job Search is Disgustingly Like Internet Dating)

One of my friends and I were conversing about the sad state of job hiring within the legal profession right now. This has prompted me to create a series about this all-too-familiar topic, which reminds me of internet dating. Part 1? From the employer's perspective. 

(Must be nice.)

"When you're getting ready to launch into space, you're sitting on a big explosion waiting to happen." --RIP, Sally Ride

I don't mind the plunge. I don't mind the secret dread leading up to a plunge.

What I hate? Waiting after the plunge to see if my parachute is going to open or not.

And that's where I am with regards to the bar exam. By my calculations, I have 19 days before I figure out whether or not I shall crash into the ground or somehow float in a clumsy landing that doesn't involve me spending my 25th birthday wallowing in a pit of my own misery.

I've spent the last couple weeks on an extended vacation. First, Branson with my family. Then a cruise with my boyfriend and his family. But now, I'm stuck waiting. This means I should probably pick up some old hobbies I gave up while preparing for the bar.

Like working out.

And giving myself manis/pedis (because my tootsies are looking BAD).

And deep cleaning my house.

And preparing eleventy billion job applications, most of which I will not receive a response to, and the rest that will end up stringing my along or summarily dismissing me with a rejection letter (which is better than the aforementioned silence).

Somehow, I don't think this will make the waiting process any easier. Which might give credence to Blog Creeper's suggestion of a medically-induced coma.

Although I just may prefer a tequila-induced haze.

My views on the bar exam, as illustrated by Lord of the Rings

  

Bar Exam Blues....

I leave for my hotel tomorrow. On Tuesday, I start the bar. I finish it on Wednesday. 

I rarely panic. Instead, my body chooses to exhibit stress in horrific ways. Like mouth ulcers. And stomach aches. And headaches. And other things that I have elected not to share with the blawg universe. 

Mentally, I am fine. I think it is because I am in a state of denial. I do not think I have studied enough, but I'm pretty sure no one ever does (and if they do, they're probably going to fail, because that's just moronic and they don't deserve to pass the bar if they're morons). When I sit for the test, I will be fine. 

My issues arise during the WAIT for my scores. I am "lucky" enough to find out my results on my birthday. Not at the beginning of the day, either. I receive the results at 4:00 in the afternoon. Anyone that knows me can tell you that I.HATE.WAITING. I love surprises, but not surprises like this. I like surprises like Christmas gifts. And good meals. And flowers. And edible arrangements. Even if I pass the bar and get positive results, there is no way that this can ever be considered a "happy surprise." What I guess I'm trying to say is my mental disturbance will almost certainly emerge during my waiting period. 

You have been warned.

In other news, I plan on watching the rest of my Agency/Parnership video tonight. I'll probably quickly review Wills/Trusts/Estates, and briefly glance at Corporations (because I'm pretty sure I've already disposed of that knowledge since watching it previously). Tonight I'll probably take a few MPQ questions and flip through my gorgeous laminated "templates." Tomorrow, I drive. And languish. And Tuesday, I sweat. 

To everyone else taking the bar, I have but one thing to say: