Another blog about nothing....

It seems like every time I sit down to write, either (a) I have nothing relevant to say, (b) I see something shiny, or (c) I end up deleting everything because I think it sounds dumb. I still have a second blog to write about whether or not new attorneys qualify for the patent exam, then the followups regarding HOW to apply (spoiler: it's a pain in the ass) and my plans of attack after I send mine in (it's finished, but money is tight). I've also been contemplating blogging daily about my prep for the Texas bar exam, which may serve as a "what not to do" in the end (although I don't plan on failing it--but then again, who does?). Since I have recently applied for another spate of jobs, I'm sure I could always finangle a blog out regarding how my life sucks because I'm unemployed, living at my parents' house, and have enough rejection letters to paper our living room with (no, but really, I do, and for some unknown God-awful reason, I KEEP them. All of them.).

Which leads me to my post today. I don't think y'all want to hear another whiny blog about unemployment. And my life isn't particularly interesting at the moment, although I find enough things to keep me entertained (namely, my 11 year old brother). I'm pretty sure y'all don't care about my eye exam visit (or the fact that I reeeeallly wanted that second pair of frames, BECAUSE THEY ARE CUTE AND I NEED MOAR GLASSES).

I'm also sure you don't care about my health woes or exercise escapades. And a large majority of my blog readers are taking final exams, WHICH SUCK AND I'M SO SORRY YOU'RE HAVING TO DO THAT. (Seriously.) Btw, those of you who find by blog by googling "no friends in law school"--your day will come, but for real, most of those guys are assholes, and the majority of my lawyer friends (save for about three) are people I met on twitter, because those guys/gals rock.

So yeah. This is really a blog about nothing. But it kinda feels good to write about nothing.

 (Oh look, grumpy cat hates law school finals too....)

(Or, in my case, studying for the bar....)

At any rate....

How to study for your law school finals....charts style

Due to the volume of people who happen upon my blawg while searching for law school charts, I decided I would give a brief tutorial as to how I used to create my charts for law school finals, as well as show you the style in which I drafted them. You're going to have to click these images in order to see the larger size, but it should be suitably ginormous when you do.

If you have ANY questions, please feel free to comment or email me at ms.dr.juris@gmail.com for more information.

I'd like to rearrange...your face

Things that really bother me while taking final exams:

1) Deep sighing
2) Vibrating phones (turn those bitches OFF)
3) Loud typing--is it necessary to batter your computer?
4) People that leave 40 minutes into exam (and it's three hours long)
5) Going blank (this one's totally on me--fault completely my own)
6) Rustling food bags--open it, get it over with, and for the love of God, please don't smack
7) Tapping and other random bodily twitches
8) People that make a big deal about leaving the room or asking a teacher a question
9) People who are apparently too stupid to quietly pack up their shit to leave

10) AND YOU, MOTHERFUCKER, slurping your goddamn Route 44 drink, WHEN IT'S OBVIOUSLY FUCKING EMPTY. 

I hope you fail....

I hope your girlfriend breaks up with you....

I hope you're diagnosed with a condition that makes it impossible to drink from a fucking straw. 

Sometimes I amaze myself...

So I learned how to make gifs....and I was like

There goes my studying....

The Eager Beaver

It is my fondest wish that people who do this:

A. Go color blind
B. Fall off a cliff
C. Break both hands in a tragic chainsaw competition accident
D. Flunk their patent law test
E. All of the above

See how I highlighted JUST ONE THING? Because everything highlighted=nothing highlighted.

Moron.

Law School Exam--A student's imminent domain

Every law student I know has a specific study style, but almost all of them I know do some of the following shit during final exams, and almost certainly has a setup during said exam that looks strikingly similar to the one I've shown below. Allow me to guide you through the preparatory setup of a law school exam.

A:  the last chance at a hot drink before your final begins. At best, your Starbucks is lukewarm, and all the caffeine has rendered your tastebuds nil, but you've somehow convinced yourself that this caramel macchiato is going to give you that boost you need to succeed. (Good luck with that)

B:  your trusty laptop, which is probably on its last legs of life since you've inadvertently spilled yesterday's Starbucks on it. Watch for this awesome machine to suddenly shit out on you in the middle of the exam.

C:  Earplugs. To try to drown out the commotion that the obnoxious fucker (probably you) is probably going to cause during the exam.

D:  some sort of food that not only crunches when you eat it, but that gives off a fucking noxious odor that makes the people around you (whose stomachs and systems are also filled to the breaking point with caffeine) want to simultaneously barf and kill you. You dumbass motherfucker.

E:  5-hour energy. Taken when you start flagging--generally 1/3 of the way in. Need I say more?


F:  the Diet Coke you're going to pop in the middle of the goddamn exam right as I've come up with something brilliant to say. This, of course, will make my mouth water, and also make me lose whatever train of conscious thought I had going.


G:  see D, only this is SUPERSIZED, so you want to make sure to eat it in the middle of the exam and make AS MUCH FUCKING NOISE OPENING THE BAG AS POSSIBLE.

H:  the sole pencil you have for the Scantron whose lead will probably break halfway through filling in the bubbles. You probably even had to bum this off of someone else. Because who uses pencils?

I:   the eraser you've somehow managed to keep since you were a 1L purchasing school supplies. It will be in the bottom of your bookbag, probably covered in some kind of foreign substance.

J:  pens. Because you're almost definitely going to have to write something by hand, even if you don't want to.

K:  six fucking colors of highlighters. Because you're apparently still of the mindset that you should use the highlighting system generally only utilized by first week 1Ls before they decide to stop reading altogether.

L:   the watch you've finally remembered to bring after the last time you got COMPLETELY fucked by the proctor administering the exam.

M: the space reserved for the test that is probably going to make you want to vomit a little bit.

Now, if you look closely at the picture, you'll notice two things enclosed outside of the desk, but no less prevalent in the preparation of a law student for final exams. 

N:  the non-prescribed pills that the law student has been popping for the previous 72 hours prior to the exam. Adderall to pick you up, Ambien to put you down (after the exam, naturally), and God knows what else.
O:  RedBull almost certainly chugged down as if it was the breastmilk obtained from the teat of knowledge....except it's not and it probably isn't going to sit well with the 17+ other types of caffeine you've been swilling for the last umpteen hours.

Not enough hours in the day.....

The end of school is rapidly approaching, and I'm confronting life with all the grace of a lumbering wildebeest and the social skills of a velociraptor.

I have three finals in the course of a week, six memos to finish for ONE clinic, final hours for a judicial externship, a 10 page paper for the aforementioned judicial externship, and OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE..................

My heightened surliness was recently remarked upon by my mother, Mad Maxine, who has a velociraptor approach in every avenue of life (thus making her observations that much more poignant).

Max: you've gotta relax a little bit. You've been bitchier than ever lately. What calms you down?
Me: Tequila.
Max: No, seriously.
Me: I am being serious. Tequila.
Max: Okay....
Me: So what do you suggest?
Max: Tequila.


If you need me, I'll be under my desk clutching my bff bottle.

Moral of the story? No good deed goes unpunished.

I did it. I volunteered and was subsequently elected to run a law school event (hereby coined "LSE"). Said event was to raise money for a good cause, something I constantly thought about as I was organizing said LSE.

Now, for those of you who are not yet familiar with my style, I'm an A personality. I like to meet people. I like to talk to people. I like to be in charge. I also don't mind helping out or delegating, provided things are run in a cohesive manner that doesn't result in my wanting to rip someone's my hair out. For the most part, if something isn't being done properly (or at all), I'd rather just do it myself. It's my nature, and while annoying, it's highly effective (because let's face it--law students aren't exactly the most dependable of people). That being said, if someone is doing their job, then I'm of the mindset to HAVE AT IT.

So....this LSE is technically the pet project of one of the organizations on campus and consists of having to rely upon a shitton of people actually showing up at this event to volunteer. That's strike one, in my opinion. Depending on a group of lawyers and law students to be somewhere to dedicate their time to an altruistic task? UNHEARD OF.

Strike two was the fact that I was working with someone I believe to be Cray-Cray to the Maximus (and by maximus, I mean in my gluteous maximus). My opinion? This crazy coot is out to get me. Fucking great. (And I'm not imagining this shit--we go way back.) Worst part? She acts like she doesn't hate my guts.

So I bust my ass for three weeks, all the while having to deal with backbiting and assholery and general indignities that many would argue are grounds for justifiable homicide. And I take it, because BY GOD, I AM GOING TO DO GOOD FOR CHARITY. I get liquor (since we know that's the main draw). I organize everything. I decorate. I bedazzle.

In short, I rock this goddamn event with every fucking fiber of my fabulous glitter-emoting body.

It was a success, although the event didn't raise nearly as much money as I would have liked (let's just say this--with the hours I put in, I'd have liked a feast thrown in my honor, with a roast beast).

So, where is strike three, you are wondering? Well, friends, that came after the event. When CrayCray scheduled a meeting to discuss the event. The event SHE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING ATTEND. In all actuality, it was a "Let's Shit on Dr. Juris" meeting. And SHIT THEY DID. Comments like "undermining authority" (when I was in charge, mind you) and "poor time management" (when everything was accomplished and rocked out with its proverbial....well, you know what I mean) were thrown around with great relish. At the end of said meeting, I was told I would have to hand over all my notes and intellectual property associated with the event for next year's planning.

I am waiting for the perfect moment to crush these audacious demands didn't have the heart to tell them I had deleted it all with a thank you Lerd and good riddance.

No really, my heart is three sizes too small.....and I'm pretty sure it's not going to experience a miraculous growth spurt any time soon.

Probably the best email I had with regard to this event was a professor who was helping out: I'll stick to what they gave me and frequently remind myself that it's for a good cause. To which I replied:

That's what I've been doing for the past two weeks. 

Final semester

I don't really have very much to write right now, although I expect all of that to change in the next few days since school is starting. I've got some difficult classes that I may or may not be looking forward to, and am taking a vow to read ALL THE CASES.

I don't know how long that will last, particularly since I don't even have any  all of the books for my classes. I'm also going to use my planner every.single.day. This will happen folks, because I have a B-E-A-utiful planner just begging for my handwriting. I'm also going to attempt to use technology to schedule my life. Since technology hates me, however, I may be better off sticking to handwriting.

Other than that, I've got an excellent schedule, a reasonably clean house, and fun activities in the next few weeks.

And by fun, I mean soul-sucking, legal-related stuff from which I will probably not derive any pleasure.

Sixth semester= sixth circle of Hell. I'd say Dante's description of the Sixth Circle suits the last semester of law school to a tee--"a vast landscape rife with distress and wretched punishment."

Yep. That about sums it up. Distress and punishment.

How wonderfully divine.

The moment of "truth".....

True story: my first semester in law school, I made some friends, read for classes, but didn't do any form of group study or extreme outlining. I did study a lot before final exams, and I felt like I knew the materials. However, I have a background in science and lacked the 4+ years of persuasive writing training many of my colleagues received in undergrad. Needless to say, I got through finals feeling like I probably did average on my exams. The average at my university is a B- (whereas almost every other damn law school in the country grades on a B), so the average is a 2.67. Imagine my shock, frustration, and general agony when I got my grades back and realized I had a 2.4 GPA. 

LET ME REPEAT THAT: A 2.4 GPA.  

I know plenty of people that don't give a fuck about their GPAs. In the A-personality, ultra-competitive realm of law school, this matters. And it mattered a whole hell of a lot to me. 


Cut to now: I've finally managed to break the 3.0 GPA, and although I may not* graduate with honors (although maybe the baby Lord Jesus could grant me a miracle and do something to ensure all A's next semester---I SAID IT WAS A MIRACLE, NOT A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY, PEOPLE!), I'm back on track and managed to land a really good job my 2L summer. This brings me to my subject today...

There are a lot of blawgs regarding what the hell you are supposed to do when you receive your grades back for the semester and they aren't nearly as good as you expected. If you are #1 in the class, give yourself a hand, because you're the only one that's going to be clapping. Coming from someone who has lived through it, though, I'd like to offer some words of comfort, things you aren't supposed to do, and things that actually helped me when I got my shitastic grades back the first week of my second semester.

#1

First, here comes the shitty reality: you are probably going to have to lower your aspirations regarding a summer job, particularly when it comes to interviews conducted at your school for summer positions. This doesn't mean you can't get a job at all, but these jobs almost always have a certain GPA or class rank requirement. It does, however, mean you are going to need a lot of positive things to put on your resume that overcomes the shitty GPA. Which leads me to my second point....

#2

Join some clubs; take an active interest in the extracurricular aspect of law school (and no, I don't mean participating in Keg Wars, an actual event at my university); do some volunteering; participate in competitions; DO ANYTHING THAT WOULD REFLECT POSITIVELY UPON YOUR RESUME. You may not have the highest grades in law school, but if you are below the fifty percentile, then you damn well better be able to show the interviewer you were doing something other than squandering your student loan money and developing some form of substance abuse dependency during your tenure at law school. Yes, you will have to actually participate in these clubs. Think of it as building your diplomacy skills....and take comfort in the fact that your classmates are, in fact, idiots.

#3

Next, you seriously need to assess yourself and figure out why the hell you just bombed your finals. Take time the first week of classes (or whenever you get your grades back) to email your professors and set up a one-on-one meeting with him/her (this means ALL of your professors, even in the classes you did okay in) to discuss what you need to do differently, what you did well, and why you scored how you scored. I had one professor actually break down how he used to test (and let me tell you, he's a smart mf) during his law school grades and how he prepared. This helped me immeasurably and directly influenced how I did the next semester.

#4

Buy the right study guides. Not all study aids are made for all people...or subjects. DO NOT EVER buy the case briefs. They don't actually teach you the subjects, and they encourage you not to read. Plus you can get that shit for free online. I've found a method that generally helps me.

If the class runs like a history test or mainly involves a rule, get the "Nutshell" for it. It helps for classes that you are going to need an outline in. Classes like Constitutional Law and Real Estate Transactions and Decedent's Estates. The nutshell actually gives you the history, the definitions you are going to need, the situations when things apply, and puts it in an easily outlineable form. I CANNOT recommend the Nutshell series more highly for outlineable exams.

For exams that have a lot of exceptions and are more "flow chartable," you need to get the Emanuel Crunchtime. This is for classes like Evidence and Criminal Procedure and Civil Procedure. Emanuel is pretty much, well, my Emmanuel.

#5

In 2L year, consider classes that are not going to fuck you over. This is not to say to take all easy classes. You are going to have to take the Bar and should definitely take a large number of courses that will be on your bar....you will NOT like having to learn them all in 6 weeks. However, this doesn't mean you shouldn't choose classes that play to your strengths, and consider professors who may share your beliefs and writing styles. So many times, the exam is not based upon how much you know (almost everyone knows the damn material), it is based upon how well you are able to appeal to the person grading it.

Aside from these tidbits of information, I can also tell you that you are not out of luck or out of hope. Plenty of people  get lax their second semester and let their grades slip. Plenty of others are incapable of working with others and cannot secure a job regardless of their 3.75 GPA. Even more still cannot interview. What I am saying is that it is never too late. 


Besides, unless a position specifically requests your GPA or class ranking, there is no need to put it on your resume. 

Your guide to an open-book law final.....

Law students like to make a big deal over not having to study as hard for open book/notes-allowable finals. To them I say "Are you FUCKING NUTS?????"


You see, it has been my experience that professors with those types of finals take this as a challenge.

A challenge to cram as much material possible into a three and a half hour long exam.
A challenge to make it into a 60 multiple choice exam with 3 long essay questions.
A challenge to cram eleventy billion issues into a 30 page essay question.

These professors are ruthless. They have no conscience. They consider torturing poor law students during the holiday season to be the star on top of their damn Christmas trees (or the candles in their menorahs, if you will....)

But there is hope. If, at the beginning of the school year, you actually read their syllabus, there are certain techniques you can utilize to beat these sadists at their own game. Behold the glory:

1) Highlight anything they discuss at length in class. Yes, this requires you to listen. But if they go over it and over it in class, you can pick their favorite shit and regurgitate it during the exam. They love this.

2) Tab the important cases. If they EVER say "this is a landmark case," then you can bet your sweet bippy it will be on the exam. Be prepared. Brief that shit (Westlaw should suffice), write it in the columns, and write a few cases that may also be relevant after it's over. You'll be glad you did.

3) Be aware of the notes. After the cases are the true test landminds--hypos and cases that didn't make it to front and center. These are dangerous, and much more likely to show up in an exam than the cases you were required to brief. Take an interest in these cases. Fuck the real reading--read this instead.

4) When creating your outline, make a table of contents. A lot of these exams depend on how well you can cross-reference, not how well you can write. This means to number your pages, be able to go from one topic to the other in a pinch, and GET THERE QUICKLY. Table of contents enable this.

5) Write page numbers in your outlines. You know how you highlighted your shit earlier? PUT PAGE NUMBERS THROUGHOUT YOUR OUTLINES--that way you can open your book to the information, your notes to the information, and cross-reference to your little heart's desire.

6) Prepare your answers. This is good for any final, but especially for those finals you can bring materials to. Write your CRuPAC, or whatever weird mnemonic device you've been taught, and then fill in the rest. This saved my ass in Civ Pro.

Yeah, this isn't rocket science, but it's also not necessarily things you think about until you're under the gun in the test you walked into with the mindset that it won't be that bad. Guess what? IT IS THAT BAD. As State Farm commercials say, don't be a Jerry. 15 minutes or less could save you from cold sweats later (okay, I used Geico commercials too). All's I know is I don't want to be the guy who drove his car up a fucking pole.

It's embarrassing.

And completely unnecessary.

Baby Mama Drama....

Tomorrow is my first final. As a result, I've been doing anything--and I do mean anything--to avoid studying. I have washed my dishes (the most hated of ALL THINGS). I have closed my cases out for a clinic. I'm caught up on all my washed laundry (but still have to fold shit--the second most hated of ALL THINGS). I've gotten a haircut (which no one has noticed--I fucking HATE final exam weeks). I have planned an outing in the dog park for Crackers. The stockings are hung by the window with care. I've been clothes shopping at Goodwill. I've got a stocked pantry too.

So now, unless I want to clean out my disgusting car or spend the entire day vacuuming, I had better get to some studying.

My final is in domestic relations.

I think I'll turn on some Jerry Springer for real-life case examples.

The zombie apocalypse...law school finals style

I got into a lively discussion with some of my twitter friends the other day about the impending zombie apocalypse and whether a crossbow would serve as an adequate weapon. Then I realized something today.....I've already been preparing for it!!! So far, I've compared law school finals to the Rocky series (aka: getting my ass whooped and coming back for more), being on serious and dangerous medication (the adverse side effects are already manifesting themselves, y'all) and now, I've got another basis of comparison:

There's no doubt about it: preparing for law school finals is like readying yourself for the pending zombie apocalypse, only you can't kill the people around you that are trying to suck your soul from your body and render you a member of the undead....unfortunately. So, like all good law students, I'm sure you want to be ready, and I've prepared a list to ensure that you remain one of the living. Ready yourself....

1) Devise a plan: you know yourself. You know your capabilities. Don't plan for being able to do shit that is obviously beyond your capabilities. If you are slow, prepare your car should you need to get the fuck out of Dodge. If you are stupid, simplify your outline.

2) Stockpile a food arsenal. A week before final exams (which coincides nicely with Thanksgiving in the fall semester, just so you know), prepare about three freezable meals. Put those bitches in single serving tins (makes about 12-15 meals) and freeze them. Or just go to the grocery store and buy 15 boxes of Hot Pockets, 5 frozen pizzas, and ten gallons of Red Bull.

3) Buy dry shampoo: No matter if you are killing zombies or slaying finals, you are going to want to appear clean....even if you aren't. I recommend at least three cans of dry shampoo, a light body mist (NOTICE I SAID LIGHT), breath mints, and a prescription strength deodorant. Even if you are dead doesn't mean you have to smell like you are.

4) Important documents: even the CDC has recognized the possibility of a ZA. They recommend getting all your important documents together, and I couldn't agree more. This means you need a copy of your school id, the outlines you can actually bring in to tests, your study aids, and blue books, should you be a handwriter.

5) Medications: if you are on ANY prescription drugs (e.g. birth control, adderall, narcotics, or Viagra) be sure to have these prescriptions filled before the end of the semester craziness ensues. Trust me, you don't want to need your Viagra and not have it.

6) Preventative supplies: your immune system is down; you are surrounded by sick people; you are probably going to get sick. Buy zinc, the only thing proven to shorten a common cold, AND USE IT. Get some Advil (which you can take with alcohol--you can't drink with Tylenol, btw) for the head/backaches you're likely going to encounter. For that matter, buy some booze too. You know what they say....an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

7) Earplugs: you surprisingly don't see this on many lists. I say surprisingly because you are obviously going to need to muffle sounds--the sounds of fellow students or the sounds of gunfire as you're plowing down zombies. Duh.

8)   Adequate weaponry: this can be combined with your important documents, but there's so much more that can go with your weaponry. May I suggest your killing theme song (my personal choice being "Bohemian Rhapsody"), your highlighters, outlines you've managed to procure from people indubitably smarter than you, and dollars for snack machines?

9) Your "wolfpack": I'm with Zack Galifianakis on this one. You need your wolfpack--this doesn't mean you have to study with them, but it's always nice to have someone to accompany you as you drink yourself into oblivion. Also, they may be able to provide you with outlines, and they'll have your back (hopefully--I've got doubts about fellow law students, to tell the truth) should a zombie sneak up on you.

10) Avoid large groups of people: you can never be sure which of these people is waiting to morph into a zombie. And by zombie, I mean the asshole who starts bemoaning the upcoming exam, or mindfucking you into believing the exam you just took may have anally had you. It's also harder to study with large groups of people, and you tend to go out and drink as a reward for a half hour of "studying."

Do you have any tips for surviving the upcoming apocalypse?

Law school finals: take only as directed

We are rapidly approaching finals times. And everywhere, you will hear law students bitching and moaning about these upcoming tests. If you have any kind of relationship (father, brother, lover, sister from another mother) with a law student, let me be the first to offer my condolences during this incredibly difficult time.

If you are in a relationship with a 1L and have yet to experience the joy of final exam times, let me tell you: they should come with a warning label. Essentially, law school finals (hereby shortened to LSF) are like a drug with which you have terrible TERRIBLE reactions, even if you aren't technically taking them.

This is what the drug label would look like:

I don't recommend them.

HAPPY FINALS, PEOPLE!!!!

Obviously, I was bullied....

Today in my Juvenile Justice class, a girl gave a presentation regarding cyberbullying. Now, I'm no angel, but when I was a kid, I knew right from wrong. I also defend juveniles, so I'm not inherently against them nor do I judge them for their alleged "transgressions." In fact, most the time I think the prosecutor overreaches for their charges and the police use their authority to intimidate kids into confessions.

Another note: I'm a decently jaded person. That being said, today, I was pretty demoralized about the general lack of compassion or character my classmates have regarding the subject of bullying.

People were quick to classify it as "horseplay." Or as "just telling the truth." Or as "kids being kids."

They also said that we had all done it.

I'm sorry, but some of us had parents who would have whooped their asses if they tormented other kids. And some kids just have a fucking heart without the fear of potential ass-whoopings.

Maybe when you bully someone, it makes you feel good. I know when I hurt someone's feelings, it generally makes me feel like a piece of shit.

Let's not make excuses for what has now been classified as criminal behavior. Address the problem.

Because they know it's wrong.

And so do you.

I'm pretty sure this cover letter covers it all......

Click on it to make it bigger. Happy Hump Day.

--Dr. J

Clusterfuck

As a 3L, one would assume I've somehow managed to get my act together with regard to law school...

And they'd be wrong.

Without fail, I overload myself, overwork myself, underwork on things I should DEFINITELY be working on, and overall seemingly attempt to get my life as close to the description of clusterfuck as I possibly can. And that's just the beginning.

I spoke the other day about how things were starting to get hairy. I'm now freaking out about how little I feel like I've accomplished, and how much I still have left to do. I've got Trial Comp starting tomorrow and have to write a closing statement and finish a direct. I have witness prep also. Oh, and "senior pictures" tomorrow.

Let's not forget the teacher that is making my life a living hell by scheduling class to run til 6:00 instead of 5:00 (I'm leaving at 5:00, I've almost decided). And BOA, who has someone not related to the damn competition sending out emails and usurping my committee head by trying to call meetings regarding subjects he knows nothing about. Oh yeah, and the fact that I have clients coming in uninvited to talk to me about their cases. And trial in a WEEK where I'm repping a child against two felonies.

Add on top of that I have a friend's birthday party(esque) thing tonight, my house is a disaster, and I have approximately FIVE GAZILLION memos to file to write, and I'm starting to unravel a little. AND WE HAVE, LIKE, NINE WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT IN THIS SEMESTER.

But on the up side, I made my school's traveling negotiation team.

And Drop Dead Diva's finale is on tonight....

Poor Decision-Making Lawyers of Tomorrow (PDMLT)

My very first day in my Legal Writing class, my classmates and I were expected to stand up and tell everyone else our name, where we were from, our undergrad degree choice, and why we chose law school. Below are a list of reasons people gave...(and my reasons for shooting many of these rationales down)

1) "I want to help people"--while this is certainly a worthwhile endeavor, many burn out before they even truly get started. If you want to help people, you need to reassess this job, because the law isn't fair, and sometimes it isn't even just. Bleeding hearts? They break.

2) "I want to make money'--HA. If you do, somehow, make 120K a year, I hope you like NOT having a life. And doing menial work. And generally not having time to enjoy the money you've made. Of course, considering how difficult it is to even obtain a job, the amount of money ain't exactly enticing.

3) "My parents are both lawyers"--Maybe you'll at least have a job after law school. You'll also be practicing in their shadows for the rest of your life. Or have to listen to them talk about how you messed something up.

4) "I like to argue"--So does my mom. That doesn't mean she's schlepping off to law school every single day. This is probably the stupidest reason EVER to go to law school. You want to force others to put up with your bad habits because you believe it's necessary to the practice of law? Ever heard the phrase you catch more flies with honey? Well, I'm not in the business of catching flies, but if I were, I wouldn't be doing it by screaming at them.

5) "I've wanted to do this since I was 5 years old"--I wanted to be a unicorn when I was five years old. What do five year olds know, anyway?

6) "I didn't want to have to look for a job in this shitty economy"--legitimate enough, but have you read about the job opportunities that await us after law school? They're not looking so hot. And now you have an extra 70K of law school debt riding on your shoulders. 

7) "I can't do anything with a degree in Women's Studies"--again, true, but why the hell didn't you think of this BEFORE you finished undergrad? I've also found that people going to law school because their undergrad degree sucks are generally not that interested in the practice of law.

And my favorite one (and probably the most legitimate reason for one of my incredible peer's decision to enroll)?

8) "Have you ever seen My Cousin Vinny?"

Don'tgiveafuck

For some classes, you tab. For others, you read the footnotes. And for many, you don't do jackshit.

Or maybe that's just me.

Forgive my absence for the past few days. I started working on a cartoon outlining one of the many reasons I hate law students. And then I realized I cannot draw. Which means that my attempt at a cartoon will come soon. And I will have warned you. (So don't bitch at me when my stick-figure lady has lopsided boobs or is drawn to a physically impossible scale.)

As I was writing earlier: different classes (even those not in law school) require different things. The more you like a class, the more willing you are to do those things. In the vein of honesty, though, I'd like to clarify something regarding these so called "lovable" classes: people generally don't love classes because of the subject matter. They also don't love them because "they learned so much." Many will credit the teacher for a class being amazing. My opinion? Classes are dependent upon the people in them.

Take, for instance, one of my criminal classes. Don't get me wrong: I love criminal work. Love getting my hands dirty, learning the gory details, then figuring out the pieces to the puzzle. But this particular criminal class? I would rather gouge out my eyes while setting myself on fire and jumping off a cliff ala Denethor of LOTR than be present. The people, quite simply, make me shudder to even think of the next class period. Perhaps it isn't the people singularly, but as a whole. Or perhaps I just need a cocktail to enjoy the class a little bit more, especially if people are going to twist my words when I note certain things that are detrimental to a prosecution's case. I really think the thing that makes this class so unbearable is the fact that I would otherwise absolutely love the course if it weren't subjected to a complete lack of don'tgiveafuck from those around me. Or, you know, if they'd read the GD BOOK.

Then there's the classes in which I don'tgiveafuck. For those, I do try to read. I do not, however, attempt to answer questions. Because I understand that my don'tgiveafuck can be annoying to others. If I am forced to answer a question, I do so quickly. But since we know that no professor asks me a question (go back and read "The Plan" if you need to know more about my tactics), that doesn't happen. See? I strive to make the learning experience pleasant for those around me.

Clinic classes are also completely dependent upon those in your group. I'm lucky enough to have some great teachers for those classes. For the most part, the people in them are pretty good too....because it's hard to have a case of don'tgiveafuck when people's futures are literally in your hands. I can honestly say, however, if I ask a question to a peer hoping for a real answer while in said clinic, the answer "I don't know" while not looking up from their texting does piss me off. Particularly when they do know but don'tgiveafuck enough to take two seconds to simply process my answer and respond intelligently.

I hope don'tgiveafuck ain't catching.

Because I hear 3Ls are particularly susceptible to this condition......

Why law students gain weight....

Yeah, you can click it to make it larger..........