First hearing...for real this time.

I've waited a few days to write this post, but wanted to do so before I lost a lot of my memories (aka: the rest of my mind). As plenty of people know, this week I attended my first court hearing. And what a hearing that was. I was supposed to have a hearing last week, but it was rescheduled with another judge due to a conflict with the previous judge.

Now, some background info about this hearing (but obvs not too much)....it was a custody dispute. And custody disputes are NEVER EVER EVARRRRRRR fun. They suck. People cry, kids act like assholes, and there are no true winners. None.

I went into this hearing expecting for everyone to give testimony, for a finding of the best interest of the child to be offered up by the judge, and for my client to get her kid back (that she's raised for 16 years with no friggin support from his deadbeat asshole of a father). Judge messed that over when he said he was inclined to grant custody....before testimony was given, before child had been interviewed, before any fights were made..and based on a piece of shit motion by OC.

What followed was a quick argument that involved the kitchen sink, and afterwards....six hours in court. Six long, looong, LOOOONG hours in court. My client did not win, but the one who did pissed the judge off. So though she didn't win custody, she got visitation, was ordered to pay no child support, and the asshole ex is going to have to come up with over $40K to pay my client within the next two years in back child support.

And that's just phase one. I implement phase two next week. Justice works in mysterious ways, but I've learned a shitton from my client, her case, and that proceeding. And I've figure out that sometimes justice isn't what you're asking for, or may come about in a different way than expected....

First time in court....

Yesterday was my first hearing before a court since becoming a lawyer.

I represented juveniles while in law school, wrote briefs on behalf of clients for immigration clinic, and also participated in Innocence Project. I told myself that juvenile court was a lot worse, because at least dom rel orders are modifiable.

I mean, it has to be easier, right? RIGHT? (Right.)

So we get to the court yesterday morning all bright-eyed and bushy tailed. Wait for a couple of adoptions to go through. Then we go into the courtroom. First thing that struck me was there were no tables for plaintiff and defendant. Rather, they were pushed TOGETHER, so they would literally be staring each other in the eye.

So I turn to opposing counsel and ask if we can rearrange the furniture so that the benches are not pushed together. His reaction was something like this:

It proved to be fruitless anyway, because the judge hadn't taken TWO steps into the courtroom before stopping dead in his tracks and announcing that he couldn't hear the case because of a conflict. Apparently 4 out of the 5 judges in town have conflicts with opposing party in this case. The 5th is at Disney World. (Lucky duck.)

My almost-favorite part was when opposing counsel turned to his client and asked if the judge had represented him before (after the judge told him he had served as an ad litem attorney for his case). I looked at him exactly like he had looked at me....then slowly explained to both of them that attorneys ad litem represent CHILDREN (and the incapacitated which, given their sterling presence in the courtroom, maybe I can now see the rationale of asking him that question).

I say almost-favorite part because something even better happened. After all the conflicts were laid out before the court (and let me tell you, defendant is a WINNER), the bailiff looked at him, narrowed his eyes, and said "Oh yeah....I remember you now."

I NEED POPCORN. 

Can't wait til next week. I'm past the want-to-vomit stage and have moved into the realm of Jerry Springer court in which I have settled into the whatever-the fuck-craziness-is-going-to-pop-up-is-gonna-happen-and-I-might-as-well-enjoy-it stage. CHEERS.

My mother, the witness

Been doing shittons of research and lawyering in the past week and a half, including filing craptons of stuff in the one case I'm working. I love research and I love preparing and figuring out details to be discussed in hearings, but let's be real: the Rules of Civil Procedure, service requirements, and deadlines (or, in reality, the fact that I might fuck them up entirely) terrify me, y'all.

That's why it was nice reading my mother's deposition for a case in which she's currently a party--it made me feel a little more competent as an attorney. Two particular gems from the depo, which involve litigation arising from her being hit from behind while at a stop light:

(Q) When was the first time you saw this truck?
(A) When it hit me.

And let's not forget this one, which tickled my funny bone and for which my mother didn't even offer up an answer, although I can imagine VERY CLEARLY the expression on her face:

(Q) When is the first time you became aware of this accident?

Wait, WHAT?

I get it from somewhere. Clearly. 

Cards in anticipation of the bar exam

As my fuse grows shorter the closer I get to the Bar Exam, I find myself having to excuse or apologize for my behavior more than I'm comfortable admitting. 

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like Hallmark makes cards that concern the bar exam. 

So I made my own.

This is Card #1. More to follow. May God have mercy on our souls. 

Sad, but true....

The problem with having a law license in one jurisdiction while taking the bar exam in another....

Oh? You don't think I'm smart enough to practice in your state?

Motivation....lacking. 

Thursday Morning Lameness

I've been studying Oil and Gas for the Texas Bar Exam. Since I didn't take this course in law school, and since I also wasn't tested on it on my previous bar, it's kinda new to me. Something that particular sticks with me is Texas's interpretation of the open mines doctrine. That lease better never expire, because then you're fucked, life tenant. 

Oh look, it's Ryan Gosling.

Happy Thursday (for what it's worth).

Equipping my dream office

One of these days, by golly, I'm going to have an office. And clients. And maybe even practice law. And if I'm dreaming, I'd like to do it in a decent part of town, with a climate-controlled building, in a space I fill myself. 

What my dream office shall (and what, realistically, every law office should) be equipped with:

1. I'm geekishly in love with this Viscante oak executive home office, found here (I actually used that stock photo as my office and added everything else I wanted). I want it all: the hutch, the desk, the EVERYTHING.

2. Framed certificates depicting my awesomeness (undergrad and law school degrees, and law licenses)

3. A super-sexy all-in-one copy/fax/scan/email machine. I'd love to be almost completely paperless (although I'd maintain one paper copy of each client's file for safekeeping).

4. A lateral filing desk, in which to keep the aforementioned paper copies. 

5. An ergonomic, back-loving office chair (like this one, the golden standard, from Herman Miller).

6. A really wide computer monitor. Because I'm blind. 

7. Westlaw Next. Because it's awesome. 

8. A chair for potential clients. Comfortable, but not too comfortable (because I want them to leave).

9. A Keurig. We all need caffeine.

10. Wall art. (The Razorbacks are gonna win it all next year, I TELL YA.)

11. Appropriate lighting. A girl has to see.

NOT PICTURED:

11. A sofa. Plush. (Because I might want to nap on it....duh.)

12. Bookcases upon which to display my vast knowledge of the law. Ha. (Okay, my outdated legal encyclopedias that will impress clients.)

13. External hard drive. If my computer crashes, I have to be prepared.

OPTIONAL, THOUGH PREFERRED:

14. A great view.

15. A stellar paralegal.

How to study for your law school finals....charts style

Due to the volume of people who happen upon my blawg while searching for law school charts, I decided I would give a brief tutorial as to how I used to create my charts for law school finals, as well as show you the style in which I drafted them. You're going to have to click these images in order to see the larger size, but it should be suitably ginormous when you do.

If you have ANY questions, please feel free to comment or email me at ms.dr.juris@gmail.com for more information.

Employment musings**

I don't know much about job offers. I do know that I'm REALLLLLY jonesing for employment. However, I don't think employers realize I'm not going to bend over and take it for the "privilege" of having a legal job.

I recently interviewed for a criminal defense job. And by interviewed, I mean I showed up prior to my interview time, waited for forty-five minutes, and was then told that the interviewer was in court and wouldn't be meeting with me (I'm sorry, did CELL PHONES CEASE TO FUNCTION IN THIS ALTERNATE DIMENSION OF JOB-HAVING?!?!).

They then asked me if I could reschedule. I told them no. I had driven three hours. And that I could WAIT for him to be done with court (because I understand about being held up in court. I really do, even though I look 15 and like I'm not even old enough to be a paralegal, much less a lawyer). After much harumphing, they agreed and told me that they would call me when he could meet with me later that day.

They then suggested I go to the mall to waste some time. Yeah....because I'm really going to strut around the mall in my power pantsuit and five inch patent leather heels. (I'm not going to pretend I wasn't insulted though I laughed it off at the time.)

So I went to the local Irish pub and had a grilled cheese. And didn't have a shot of their finest, no matter how much I was tempted.

Which sucked, because they then rescheduled for SIX FORTY-FIVE IN THE FUCKING EVENING.

Now, after my interview, I'm trying to figure out whether the first 2K toward overhead and making 50% on every buck after that is worth being employed. I wouldn't have health insurance, although malpractice insurance would be covered. I'm also pretty sure that his firm isn't incorporated, as I couldn't find it on the state registry, which makes me worried about general partnership and liability that may arise.

Does anyone have any advice about employment, benefits, and what is or is not a good/raw deal with regard to potential legal employment?

**I wrote this while under the influence of margaritas. Do not judge me.

Post-Bar Reflections

It's now been a week since I took the Arkansas Bar, and I figure it's about time for another blog entry. I figure it's easier to break it down in numbered lists, since I tend to think in a more linear fashion when doing so.

1) On Tuesday morning, I took the MPT. For those of you that don't know, this stands for "Multistate Performance Test," and it's essentially where the bar examiners give you a crap-ton of information and tell you to write a brief on it. Twice. 90 minutes per essay. The first one was great. It was about confrontation clause and evidentiary issues, and I had a blast. And I ultimately spent about 10 minutes too long on it. The second essay sucked. It was about nuisance (and let me tell you--I HATE TORTS!), and it didn't seem as if I could adequately match the facts I had with the eleventy billion elements required to make my argument. I didn't score too well on the second question, I'm afraid. But that's okay.

2) On Tuesday afternoon, I had the MEE to contend with. This stands for "Multistate Essay Examination" (I think, and if it doesn't, it should). I had six essays, and three hours total to figure it all out and write on it. Essay subjects were interesting, to say the least, and consisted of a TOTALLY lame LLC question that pretty much everyone hated, a wills question (which I loved--it wasn't too terribly bad), a domestic relations question in which grandparents wanted custody (good luck with that), a criminal law question about some dumbasses who spread marbles across a road (involuntary manslaughter? I think so), a secured transactions question that wasn't too terribly bad, and a civ pro question about a woman who hadn't reported sexual harassment in the workplace and whether a judge's decisions about the suit were appropriate.

3) Most people think the MEE is the shittiest portion. It definitely isn't fun beforehand, because you have a total of 12 testable subjects, and will only get 6 questions. Of those six questions, you may have mixed topics, topics that are VERRRRY minuscule in comparison to the rest of the information covered, or something that you may not have covered at all. You cannot bullshit your way through them like the MBE, because you don't have multiple choice answers upon which you can base your answer. In short, it's exhausting trying to prepare for it, and terrifying that you might have missed the areas of law that may be tested.

4) On Wednesday, I took the MBE (Multistate Bar Examination)--it's a 200 multiple choice exam divided up into two sessions. You have three hours to complete each of these sessions. Now, here's where my opinion differs from MANY other peoples' who took this exam: I didn't think it was that difficult. AND THAT SCARES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's always been the case that any time I walk out of an exam thinking it wasn't that bad....it was. I finished the morning exam with about 30 minutes remaining, and the afternoon portion with about 15 minutes remaining. This doesn't seem big, but plenty of people run out of time.

5) I think my surprise with MBE's questions arise from the fact that I considered BarBri's questions to be much more difficult/demoralizing. I felt like I was able to more easily identify the "tricks" certain bar questions were getting into, and I didn't think the questions were unfair, although I was SHOCKED by the number of questions that dealt with Secured Transactions (as this wasn't *technically* a testable MBE subject). Ultimately, I'm more afraid about the fact that I didn't leave this exam afraid.

I will find out my scores on my birthday, August 31. This is one of the shortest turnaround times in the country, for which I'm thankful. However, I'm afraid I'm going to have a very shitty 25th birthday, if for no other reason than because I have to wait until 4:00 to receive my results. If I fail, I'll retake the examination. It truthfully wasn't that bad--it was much worse because you don't know what to expect, rather than because of the subject matter. Studying is never any fun, particularly when it consumes your entire summer. However, it's necessary (and if done correctly, doesn't have to overwhelm your life, in my opinion). I hope everyone else had a reasonably okay testing experience, and I hope we all make it out as bona fide lawyers.

Anyone else have any thoughts on the bar exam?

My views on the bar exam, as illustrated by Lord of the Rings