Texas Bar Examination...The Final Chapter

I sat down to write this post while the news was still fresh, but had technical problems that forced me to abandon the blog for a bit (aka: my computer hates how I treat it and went on strike). As such, you're going to have to get my stale recollection of Thursday instead.

To start at the beginning: Texas Bar Exam results were slated to be released on 5/3/2013, but everyone told me they like to release a day early around lunch time.

Let's just say that on Thursday, I woke up in a tizzy and didn't get much more tolerable as the minutes (slowly) ticked by. I opened the bar exam page around 9:00 and started refreshing every twenty minutes or so while trying to keep myself busy in the meantime. I pace when I'm nervous, and sound more wheezy than normal (which, for an asthmatic, that's saying something)....I tend to hover around "hyperventilating" when I'm anticipating something.

Pretty much....

Needless to say, my mother wasn't amused. I somehow managed to not freak out until about eleven thirty, at which time I started clicking a lot more frequently. And after 12:00 rolled around and I didn't have scores, it commenced at ten second intervals. By 12:30, I was frantic. But results were still not forthcoming.

By that time, my mom had had enough. She loaded me up in the car and we headed to the nearest Mexican restaurant, where I promptly knocked back two margaritas (on the rocks, with light rocks...a GENIUS idea that makes you look like a true alcoholic) and FORGOT all about the bar examination.

Get your VITAMEATABAREXAM here!!!!!

It wasn't until my ride home, where I was literally laid across the back seat of the car (at 2:30 in the afternoon, which technically sounds early, but actually means that I had been waiting for three hours by this point) that I got a text from a friend with the link to the results and the words "Uh, I don't know..." that it all came flooding back to me. With as much trepidation as I could manage in my inebriated condition, I scrolled down through the results and LANDED ON MY NAME. My mom thought I was having a seizure in the backseat. I'm not exaggerating when I say I started kicking the roof and rolling around like a Pentecostal preacher at a revival. (I'll let you savor that picture for a moment.) After that, I took one of the most fulfilling naps I've ever had in my life. No lie. Because that's how I roll.

I'm now certified in two states, but unemployed. But still....LICENSED. I'd like to thank everyone for their support and congratulations, for putting up with me, and especially my boyfriend for not only having the faith to fund me on this endeavor, but for also giving up tons of fun time with me (snort) so that I could study and prepare. I have to say, I'm pretty damn proud of myself too, because I studied for this on my own, and honestly didn't think I'd have either the stamina or the dedication to actually pass the damn thing. Guess I can even prove myself wrong sometimes.

Congrats to everyone who passed, good luck to anyone who is taking it again (because, let's not lie, the TBE FRIGGIN SUCKED AND ANYONE CAN FORESEEABLY FAIL IT), and most of all:

(What? Like you're really surprised I used this gif? As if....)

Patent Bar--too lazy to ask?

As a mini-rant--I've applied to sit for the patent bar examination, as my imminent employment opportunities don't look so rosy. I've been out of school for nearly a year with no nibbles at my employment hook, and I'm starting to get even more irritated regarding my unemployed status (but that's okay, because I apparently take lots of bar examinations as a consolation, which should indicate my level of sanity).

A week and a half ago, I sent in my package for the patent bar. Let me be clear: the patent bar is both the easiest application process and the most ridiculous application process I've seen for a bar examination. I don't have to give ANY employment history. I don't have to give ANY of the places I've lived in the past. References? WHO NEEDS EM? However, they do want to know about EVERY.SINGLE.ticket you've ever received, as well as *why* you qualify to take their special exam.

I spent ages getting my classes together, highlighting them, printing out course descriptions, showing the grades I received on my transcript, etc. I also had to go to four different jurisdictions in two separate states to get the five (speeding) tickets I've received in my lifetime. I sent in those proofs of payment, thinking they would be enough to demonstrate all that is taken care of.

Does this LOOK like I'm kidding? Also, no comments on my "C's". They count, lol.

Flash forward to today: I receive a letter in the mail requesting additional information about these tickets. What jurisdiction did I receive them in? What did I receive them for? What was the disposition in the case? Never mind this was all in the proof of receipts I sent. NOOOOO, they want ME to explain them. So I did. I wrote allllll of that junk down, and I'm sending it in on Monday.

I guess the silver lining is that I know they received my junk (silly me--I forgot to send them a self-addressed envelope so they could confirm they received my package) AND I know that my classes are sufficient to qualify for the patent examination. :D

Now all I have to do is see whether they will let me in............and if I can pass.

Summary of the Texas Bar Exam and a comparison

When I came back home from the bar exam, I slept a total of 3 hours that night. And my mom told me the following morning that I was whimpering in my sleep...like a fucking puppy dog. 

This will be the second bar exam I've lived through, and I'll be the first to tell you that Texas was infinitely harder than my first exam--I think this is a combination of the fact that I had an actual Barbri class to attend while studying for Arkansas, as well as the fact that Texas-specific essays made me want to jump off a building (Arkansas only has 6 essays, and they're multistate, not specific). I also don't think that the fact that I already have a law license helped either--the pressure to pass is NOT the same and the fear of failure is somewhat lessened, because...well, you've already passed once. And I'm not sure about you, but I thrive on fear of failure. 

Texas was also a lot different in terms of security--they wouldn't even let you have WATER bottles in the room, and I felt constantly dehydrated as a result (because even though they offered you water, who the hell is REALLY going to leave the room just to get a sip of water? Absolutely stupid). Arkansas tested in a hotel; Texas set us up in an arena. We were allowed to have bookbags in our testing room in Arkansas. Texas required you to have your ID and exam ticket out at all times and got twitchy about just about everything. 

And then there is the exam itself. Although I somehow managed to control myself enough to refrain from pissing in a Ziploc bag (seriously, who the fuck does that?!?!?!?), I'm not going to pretend that the test was easy--I felt a lot better about July's MBE set, and the Texas-specific essays made me want to cry. I am thankful about the fact that they tell you what to expect on the exam, but some of the questions were distinctly different than most essays you can imagine or would expect--their oil and gas question wanted you to define terms, rather than analyze facts and reach a conclusion. 

I stayed in the Holiday Inn Express about a mile away, and I think that was a pretty solid decision on my part. It was clean, offered a bar discount, and had coffee available at all times. I wanted to kick some little kid ass for hogging workout equipment (bunch of people there for a friggin boxing tournament for children....who the hell willingly lets their kids beat the shit out of other kids and allows for their children to welcome punches to the face?!!?!.....but I digress) and the hot tub was cold, but the showers were hot, the bed was comfortable, and the location was secure. 

The first day I tested, it was only a half-day and I went straight back to my hotel. The second day I got to meet one of my twitter friends (Zillyyyyy) and she was super nice enough to drive my pitiful ass to the exam (one way streets freak me the fuck out, no lie) and even nicer to let me study in her car between the exams. The third day, I managed to leave and walk a half mile to get a friggin awesome grilled cheese sandwich. This was all good. I also got to meet another twitter friend (Amby) who was sooooo sweet and got me a delightfully awesome bar-taking gift that I lerrved and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

All in all, this post is a clusterfuck of information, misinformation, and unorganized ramblings. I'm still not feeling human yet, despite the fact that I had a few margaritas yesterday and went to bed at 6:30 and slept for 13 hours straight. The bar makes you a horrible fucking person, uses you for a few days, then sends you on your way feeling 30x worse for wear (ooh, if you could have seen some of the people taking the bar--they looked like transients who sought shelter in the arena from the cold). I'm glad I survived, but don't feel especially confident in my attempt to become a Texas lawyer. I'll probably write a post in a couple of days explaining all the things I should have done better (like, oh, I don't know, STUDIED AGENCY) and what I know now that I wished I had known then (like, oh, I don't know, ALL THE TEST QUESTIONS), lol. 

But for now, I'm going to sleep. And hopefully I've gotten past the whimpering stage. I think I'll move into bargaining next. 

Bar Exam Neurosis

Let's be clear: I don't use my blawg to create a persona. I am true to myself, and am perfectly fine being super ridiculous and nerdy and cheesy. 

So I'm gonna drop some truth on you right now: when it comes to test-taking, I am a NEUROTIC BITCH. Not like, oh, kinda crazy and don't bathe when it comes time to take the test. Like, have to regurgitate said test back in my hotel room so I can purge it from my mind forever. 

Yeah, you heard that right. I rewrite all the questions I can remember from the exam. Because I'm fucking crazy. (Although I would rather be crazy than think it's acceptable NOT TO BATHE WHEN I'M GOING TO BE IN PUBLIC.)

Proof is in the (cray) pudding. And my neurosis is especially evident in the fact that no,
you can't read my writing because I resized the photo to prevent such things from happening. 

Today, I managed to remember 94 questions from each session. No, I will not give them to you. No, I do not plan on disseminating them to anyone. I will probably burn them after this fucking bar exam, because really, they serve no purpose to me. They're just the byproduct of mental cleansing. 

And yet, I feel no less crazy now than when I started. 

(Don't judge me.)

(My mother does that enough for the both of us)

Day 1 of TBE in review....

Today was the first (half) day of the Texas Bar Examination. All things considered, I think I did okay. MPT wasn't difficult, only missed a few Texas civ/criminal procedure/evidence questions, and I left 15 minutes early.

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), leaving 15 minutes early meant I missed some Texas Bar Exam drama. Apparently one of the test-takers asked to go to the bathroom during the last 15 minutes of the test. This is a no-no (might as well call it that, considering we're being treated like children). No one gets up during the last 15 minutes. No one is allowed to leave. Don't ask me why; it's just how it is.

So this guy throws a hissy and WHIPS OUT HIS DICK AND PISSES IN A ZIPLOC BAG. Yeah, you read that right. He withdrew his penis from his pants and emptied his bladder in the Ziploc he brought his things in. Then he apparently gathered all his shit, tossed that Ziploc on the ground, and peaced out...all during the 15 minute lockdown.

Aside from the obvious lack of social skills that somehow made this guy presume that withdraw his willy in public is a perfectly acceptable thing to do, I think a bigger issue remains....someone has to pick up that bag of piss.

So yeah. All things considered, I wasn't that person. I'm going to deem this day as a win.

(My friend Zilly was a row in front of this guy and saw the piss, and describes it so much better than I. Check out her account of things, INCLUDING HOW SHE WAS ABLE TO SMELL IT, here.)

Bar Card #3: Giveafuck

I've discussed dontgiveafuck before. It's inspired my latest card. Good luck with the final push!

Bar Exam Cards....Second Card

As promised, here is card #2 for all of you studying for the bar (or even considering it, because it's truly preemptive). 

Cards in anticipation of the bar exam

As my fuse grows shorter the closer I get to the Bar Exam, I find myself having to excuse or apologize for my behavior more than I'm comfortable admitting. 

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like Hallmark makes cards that concern the bar exam. 

So I made my own.

This is Card #1. More to follow. May God have mercy on our souls. 

Texas Hunger Games....I mean, Bar Exam

As the days run out, all I can think about is how I'm surely approaching my doom. Which gives rise to some excellent quotes from The Hunger Games:

"Stupid people are dangerous." 

"Here's some advice: stay alive." 

"Aim higher, in case you fall short." 

At any rate, hope you enjoy my little piece of "sunshine," just in time for the Texas Hunger Games Bar Exam. 

"Tick, tock."

Sad, but true....

The problem with having a law license in one jurisdiction while taking the bar exam in another....

Oh? You don't think I'm smart enough to practice in your state?

Motivation....lacking. 

This is your brain, bar exam style...

I'm pretty sure this is self-explanatory. 

(Pray to the merciful 6 lb, 8 oz. baby lord Jesus for my everloving soul....)

We're alllll gonnnnna diiieeee (or: a bar exam update)

You know that point where it hits you that a HUGEMONGEOUS deadline is approaching and you are sitting there with your thumb up your ass and not a clue in the world with regards to the impending sucktasticness?

I'm there. 

I have 34 days to cram for the Texas bar examination, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail. I have no friggin idea what I'm doing. I have no initiative and I'm wandering around without knowing ANY OF THE LAWS. I *know* that I've done some stuff. But I don't think it's enough. I'm good with Contracts, but how about EVERY OTHER SUBJECT?

So today is the day I freak out, barricade myself in my hidey hole, and make suitable plans to study in remote locations where no one can find me.

All the while clutching my stomach, rocking from side to side, and murmuring about how I've been forsaken by my brain. And how WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE......

You tell em, Katniss. 

God help me.

Adventures in Bar Exam Land

I feel that I've reached an impasse at this point of my bar studying. If you'll recall, I made the decision to study without enlisting the (ridiculously expensive) aid of Barbri, although I was given a full set of Texas Barbri books with which to study by a Twitter friend.

From this point, I proceeded to study throughout December to give myself something to do and so I wouldn't feel rushed about my studies in the new year....which, if you've ever studied for a bar exam, know that's LAUGHABLE. So ha ha ha to me.

As of now, I've finished retyping 8 out of 20 handouts; the subjects I've already tackled are Agency/Partnership, Bankruptcy, Texas Civ Pro, Commercial Paper, Community Property, Consumer Law, Federal Income Tax, and Oil & Gas. This leaves me with a shitton more to finish, and the slightly panicky feeling no one likes to have but most associate with impending bar examinations.

It's at this juncture that I need to seriously ask myself how much I'm learning by retyping. I think I've learned quite a lot, and I'm going to have to go through everything again and fill in the blanks, which isn't that big of a deal and which will definitely help to jog my memory. It's also helpful to retype because it ensures I've seen it at least once. However, I know I'm a charts person, and I passed my last bar examination largely in part due to my incessant charting. On the other hand, I also had lecturers last time, which assisted me in tackling what I'm now attempting to retype because I was guaranteed to HEAR everything at least once.

Today is the day I lay out the next eight weeks of my life in a calendar to keep myself accountable and so I can minimize my feelings of extreme malaise and discomfiture. So, I guess my ultimate decision is how I want to approach the bar exam from this point forward. Do I want to finish typing ALL of the handouts? (I have 700 pages left.) Do I want to try to read them and see how much I retain? Which subjects do I want to chart?

Regardless, I went ahead and made myself a breakdown of the Texas bar examination, including what all is on the essay, the percentage each portion is worth (in lovely pie chart form), and what to expect on each section. After I finish my calendar (likely tomorrow), I will post that . And I'm thinking of documenting either in daily form or weekly form what I've been doing by myself to get prepared for the barf exam. :)

What do Y'ALL think?