Adventures in Bar Exam Land

I feel that I've reached an impasse at this point of my bar studying. If you'll recall, I made the decision to study without enlisting the (ridiculously expensive) aid of Barbri, although I was given a full set of Texas Barbri books with which to study by a Twitter friend.

From this point, I proceeded to study throughout December to give myself something to do and so I wouldn't feel rushed about my studies in the new year....which, if you've ever studied for a bar exam, know that's LAUGHABLE. So ha ha ha to me.

As of now, I've finished retyping 8 out of 20 handouts; the subjects I've already tackled are Agency/Partnership, Bankruptcy, Texas Civ Pro, Commercial Paper, Community Property, Consumer Law, Federal Income Tax, and Oil & Gas. This leaves me with a shitton more to finish, and the slightly panicky feeling no one likes to have but most associate with impending bar examinations.

It's at this juncture that I need to seriously ask myself how much I'm learning by retyping. I think I've learned quite a lot, and I'm going to have to go through everything again and fill in the blanks, which isn't that big of a deal and which will definitely help to jog my memory. It's also helpful to retype because it ensures I've seen it at least once. However, I know I'm a charts person, and I passed my last bar examination largely in part due to my incessant charting. On the other hand, I also had lecturers last time, which assisted me in tackling what I'm now attempting to retype because I was guaranteed to HEAR everything at least once.

Today is the day I lay out the next eight weeks of my life in a calendar to keep myself accountable and so I can minimize my feelings of extreme malaise and discomfiture. So, I guess my ultimate decision is how I want to approach the bar exam from this point forward. Do I want to finish typing ALL of the handouts? (I have 700 pages left.) Do I want to try to read them and see how much I retain? Which subjects do I want to chart?

Regardless, I went ahead and made myself a breakdown of the Texas bar examination, including what all is on the essay, the percentage each portion is worth (in lovely pie chart form), and what to expect on each section. After I finish my calendar (likely tomorrow), I will post that . And I'm thinking of documenting either in daily form or weekly form what I've been doing by myself to get prepared for the barf exam. :)

What do Y'ALL think?

How to study for your law school finals....charts style

Due to the volume of people who happen upon my blawg while searching for law school charts, I decided I would give a brief tutorial as to how I used to create my charts for law school finals, as well as show you the style in which I drafted them. You're going to have to click these images in order to see the larger size, but it should be suitably ginormous when you do.

If you have ANY questions, please feel free to comment or email me at ms.dr.juris@gmail.com for more information.

Post-Bar Reflections

It's now been a week since I took the Arkansas Bar, and I figure it's about time for another blog entry. I figure it's easier to break it down in numbered lists, since I tend to think in a more linear fashion when doing so.

1) On Tuesday morning, I took the MPT. For those of you that don't know, this stands for "Multistate Performance Test," and it's essentially where the bar examiners give you a crap-ton of information and tell you to write a brief on it. Twice. 90 minutes per essay. The first one was great. It was about confrontation clause and evidentiary issues, and I had a blast. And I ultimately spent about 10 minutes too long on it. The second essay sucked. It was about nuisance (and let me tell you--I HATE TORTS!), and it didn't seem as if I could adequately match the facts I had with the eleventy billion elements required to make my argument. I didn't score too well on the second question, I'm afraid. But that's okay.

2) On Tuesday afternoon, I had the MEE to contend with. This stands for "Multistate Essay Examination" (I think, and if it doesn't, it should). I had six essays, and three hours total to figure it all out and write on it. Essay subjects were interesting, to say the least, and consisted of a TOTALLY lame LLC question that pretty much everyone hated, a wills question (which I loved--it wasn't too terribly bad), a domestic relations question in which grandparents wanted custody (good luck with that), a criminal law question about some dumbasses who spread marbles across a road (involuntary manslaughter? I think so), a secured transactions question that wasn't too terribly bad, and a civ pro question about a woman who hadn't reported sexual harassment in the workplace and whether a judge's decisions about the suit were appropriate.

3) Most people think the MEE is the shittiest portion. It definitely isn't fun beforehand, because you have a total of 12 testable subjects, and will only get 6 questions. Of those six questions, you may have mixed topics, topics that are VERRRRY minuscule in comparison to the rest of the information covered, or something that you may not have covered at all. You cannot bullshit your way through them like the MBE, because you don't have multiple choice answers upon which you can base your answer. In short, it's exhausting trying to prepare for it, and terrifying that you might have missed the areas of law that may be tested.

4) On Wednesday, I took the MBE (Multistate Bar Examination)--it's a 200 multiple choice exam divided up into two sessions. You have three hours to complete each of these sessions. Now, here's where my opinion differs from MANY other peoples' who took this exam: I didn't think it was that difficult. AND THAT SCARES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's always been the case that any time I walk out of an exam thinking it wasn't that bad....it was. I finished the morning exam with about 30 minutes remaining, and the afternoon portion with about 15 minutes remaining. This doesn't seem big, but plenty of people run out of time.

5) I think my surprise with MBE's questions arise from the fact that I considered BarBri's questions to be much more difficult/demoralizing. I felt like I was able to more easily identify the "tricks" certain bar questions were getting into, and I didn't think the questions were unfair, although I was SHOCKED by the number of questions that dealt with Secured Transactions (as this wasn't *technically* a testable MBE subject). Ultimately, I'm more afraid about the fact that I didn't leave this exam afraid.

I will find out my scores on my birthday, August 31. This is one of the shortest turnaround times in the country, for which I'm thankful. However, I'm afraid I'm going to have a very shitty 25th birthday, if for no other reason than because I have to wait until 4:00 to receive my results. If I fail, I'll retake the examination. It truthfully wasn't that bad--it was much worse because you don't know what to expect, rather than because of the subject matter. Studying is never any fun, particularly when it consumes your entire summer. However, it's necessary (and if done correctly, doesn't have to overwhelm your life, in my opinion). I hope everyone else had a reasonably okay testing experience, and I hope we all make it out as bona fide lawyers.

Anyone else have any thoughts on the bar exam?

Ten things I'd rather be doing than studying for the bar exam...

I'm tired. I'm lacking motivation. And I'm starting to get my ass handed to me during MPQ multiple choice question sets. It's demoralizing, degrading, and depressing. (Enough with the alliteration.) I would almost rather be doing anything else than this. Like making this chart about things I'd rather be doing than studying:

On second thought, I'd better be getting back to torts. Hope y'all are getting through it too!

Trade Fixtures Exception (a ditty by moi)

Barbri, Day 4 and other shit

Today I did the 3 hour, 100 question MBE practice test. I got 57 questions right. Which means I got 43 wrong. Of the six subjects:

1) Contracts kicked my ass. So did Evidence and Torts. Like, made me want to cry kicked my ass.

2) I only got three Real Property questions wrong. Which makes me question whether I took some kind of red pill and wandered into a Matrix-type rabbit hole. As opposed to Adderall, which is clearly the blue type of pill you see at law school all too often.

3) Con Law and Criminal Law weren't so bad, but I'd like to do better.

After I got my ass kicked thoroughly by Barbri today, I went home to analyze the damages. Obviously I wasn't too torn up, and I (surprisingly) wasn't too mind-fucked to pursue outlining for this next week. Obviously aliens have taken over my body.

I also went for a sprint/walk tonight. Something I officially gave up FOR LIFE. (Because, let's face it, biking is so much better and I'm a slow ass MF.) I've figured that if there's the possibility of me failing the bar and finding out ON MY BIRTHDAY, I'm at least going to look hot while reveling in my misery.

Or hot while celebrating. No matter the outcome, I plan on looking hot.

Except when I ugly cry (which is going to happen, either way). 

Sometimes I amaze myself...

So I learned how to make gifs....and I was like

There goes my studying....

Law School Exam--A student's imminent domain

Every law student I know has a specific study style, but almost all of them I know do some of the following shit during final exams, and almost certainly has a setup during said exam that looks strikingly similar to the one I've shown below. Allow me to guide you through the preparatory setup of a law school exam.

A:  the last chance at a hot drink before your final begins. At best, your Starbucks is lukewarm, and all the caffeine has rendered your tastebuds nil, but you've somehow convinced yourself that this caramel macchiato is going to give you that boost you need to succeed. (Good luck with that)

B:  your trusty laptop, which is probably on its last legs of life since you've inadvertently spilled yesterday's Starbucks on it. Watch for this awesome machine to suddenly shit out on you in the middle of the exam.

C:  Earplugs. To try to drown out the commotion that the obnoxious fucker (probably you) is probably going to cause during the exam.

D:  some sort of food that not only crunches when you eat it, but that gives off a fucking noxious odor that makes the people around you (whose stomachs and systems are also filled to the breaking point with caffeine) want to simultaneously barf and kill you. You dumbass motherfucker.

E:  5-hour energy. Taken when you start flagging--generally 1/3 of the way in. Need I say more?


F:  the Diet Coke you're going to pop in the middle of the goddamn exam right as I've come up with something brilliant to say. This, of course, will make my mouth water, and also make me lose whatever train of conscious thought I had going.


G:  see D, only this is SUPERSIZED, so you want to make sure to eat it in the middle of the exam and make AS MUCH FUCKING NOISE OPENING THE BAG AS POSSIBLE.

H:  the sole pencil you have for the Scantron whose lead will probably break halfway through filling in the bubbles. You probably even had to bum this off of someone else. Because who uses pencils?

I:   the eraser you've somehow managed to keep since you were a 1L purchasing school supplies. It will be in the bottom of your bookbag, probably covered in some kind of foreign substance.

J:  pens. Because you're almost definitely going to have to write something by hand, even if you don't want to.

K:  six fucking colors of highlighters. Because you're apparently still of the mindset that you should use the highlighting system generally only utilized by first week 1Ls before they decide to stop reading altogether.

L:   the watch you've finally remembered to bring after the last time you got COMPLETELY fucked by the proctor administering the exam.

M: the space reserved for the test that is probably going to make you want to vomit a little bit.

Now, if you look closely at the picture, you'll notice two things enclosed outside of the desk, but no less prevalent in the preparation of a law student for final exams. 

N:  the non-prescribed pills that the law student has been popping for the previous 72 hours prior to the exam. Adderall to pick you up, Ambien to put you down (after the exam, naturally), and God knows what else.
O:  RedBull almost certainly chugged down as if it was the breastmilk obtained from the teat of knowledge....except it's not and it probably isn't going to sit well with the 17+ other types of caffeine you've been swilling for the last umpteen hours.

The moment of "truth".....

True story: my first semester in law school, I made some friends, read for classes, but didn't do any form of group study or extreme outlining. I did study a lot before final exams, and I felt like I knew the materials. However, I have a background in science and lacked the 4+ years of persuasive writing training many of my colleagues received in undergrad. Needless to say, I got through finals feeling like I probably did average on my exams. The average at my university is a B- (whereas almost every other damn law school in the country grades on a B), so the average is a 2.67. Imagine my shock, frustration, and general agony when I got my grades back and realized I had a 2.4 GPA. 

LET ME REPEAT THAT: A 2.4 GPA.  

I know plenty of people that don't give a fuck about their GPAs. In the A-personality, ultra-competitive realm of law school, this matters. And it mattered a whole hell of a lot to me. 


Cut to now: I've finally managed to break the 3.0 GPA, and although I may not* graduate with honors (although maybe the baby Lord Jesus could grant me a miracle and do something to ensure all A's next semester---I SAID IT WAS A MIRACLE, NOT A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY, PEOPLE!), I'm back on track and managed to land a really good job my 2L summer. This brings me to my subject today...

There are a lot of blawgs regarding what the hell you are supposed to do when you receive your grades back for the semester and they aren't nearly as good as you expected. If you are #1 in the class, give yourself a hand, because you're the only one that's going to be clapping. Coming from someone who has lived through it, though, I'd like to offer some words of comfort, things you aren't supposed to do, and things that actually helped me when I got my shitastic grades back the first week of my second semester.

#1

First, here comes the shitty reality: you are probably going to have to lower your aspirations regarding a summer job, particularly when it comes to interviews conducted at your school for summer positions. This doesn't mean you can't get a job at all, but these jobs almost always have a certain GPA or class rank requirement. It does, however, mean you are going to need a lot of positive things to put on your resume that overcomes the shitty GPA. Which leads me to my second point....

#2

Join some clubs; take an active interest in the extracurricular aspect of law school (and no, I don't mean participating in Keg Wars, an actual event at my university); do some volunteering; participate in competitions; DO ANYTHING THAT WOULD REFLECT POSITIVELY UPON YOUR RESUME. You may not have the highest grades in law school, but if you are below the fifty percentile, then you damn well better be able to show the interviewer you were doing something other than squandering your student loan money and developing some form of substance abuse dependency during your tenure at law school. Yes, you will have to actually participate in these clubs. Think of it as building your diplomacy skills....and take comfort in the fact that your classmates are, in fact, idiots.

#3

Next, you seriously need to assess yourself and figure out why the hell you just bombed your finals. Take time the first week of classes (or whenever you get your grades back) to email your professors and set up a one-on-one meeting with him/her (this means ALL of your professors, even in the classes you did okay in) to discuss what you need to do differently, what you did well, and why you scored how you scored. I had one professor actually break down how he used to test (and let me tell you, he's a smart mf) during his law school grades and how he prepared. This helped me immeasurably and directly influenced how I did the next semester.

#4

Buy the right study guides. Not all study aids are made for all people...or subjects. DO NOT EVER buy the case briefs. They don't actually teach you the subjects, and they encourage you not to read. Plus you can get that shit for free online. I've found a method that generally helps me.

If the class runs like a history test or mainly involves a rule, get the "Nutshell" for it. It helps for classes that you are going to need an outline in. Classes like Constitutional Law and Real Estate Transactions and Decedent's Estates. The nutshell actually gives you the history, the definitions you are going to need, the situations when things apply, and puts it in an easily outlineable form. I CANNOT recommend the Nutshell series more highly for outlineable exams.

For exams that have a lot of exceptions and are more "flow chartable," you need to get the Emanuel Crunchtime. This is for classes like Evidence and Criminal Procedure and Civil Procedure. Emanuel is pretty much, well, my Emmanuel.

#5

In 2L year, consider classes that are not going to fuck you over. This is not to say to take all easy classes. You are going to have to take the Bar and should definitely take a large number of courses that will be on your bar....you will NOT like having to learn them all in 6 weeks. However, this doesn't mean you shouldn't choose classes that play to your strengths, and consider professors who may share your beliefs and writing styles. So many times, the exam is not based upon how much you know (almost everyone knows the damn material), it is based upon how well you are able to appeal to the person grading it.

Aside from these tidbits of information, I can also tell you that you are not out of luck or out of hope. Plenty of people  get lax their second semester and let their grades slip. Plenty of others are incapable of working with others and cannot secure a job regardless of their 3.75 GPA. Even more still cannot interview. What I am saying is that it is never too late. 


Besides, unless a position specifically requests your GPA or class ranking, there is no need to put it on your resume. 

The zombie apocalypse...law school finals style

I got into a lively discussion with some of my twitter friends the other day about the impending zombie apocalypse and whether a crossbow would serve as an adequate weapon. Then I realized something today.....I've already been preparing for it!!! So far, I've compared law school finals to the Rocky series (aka: getting my ass whooped and coming back for more), being on serious and dangerous medication (the adverse side effects are already manifesting themselves, y'all) and now, I've got another basis of comparison:

There's no doubt about it: preparing for law school finals is like readying yourself for the pending zombie apocalypse, only you can't kill the people around you that are trying to suck your soul from your body and render you a member of the undead....unfortunately. So, like all good law students, I'm sure you want to be ready, and I've prepared a list to ensure that you remain one of the living. Ready yourself....

1) Devise a plan: you know yourself. You know your capabilities. Don't plan for being able to do shit that is obviously beyond your capabilities. If you are slow, prepare your car should you need to get the fuck out of Dodge. If you are stupid, simplify your outline.

2) Stockpile a food arsenal. A week before final exams (which coincides nicely with Thanksgiving in the fall semester, just so you know), prepare about three freezable meals. Put those bitches in single serving tins (makes about 12-15 meals) and freeze them. Or just go to the grocery store and buy 15 boxes of Hot Pockets, 5 frozen pizzas, and ten gallons of Red Bull.

3) Buy dry shampoo: No matter if you are killing zombies or slaying finals, you are going to want to appear clean....even if you aren't. I recommend at least three cans of dry shampoo, a light body mist (NOTICE I SAID LIGHT), breath mints, and a prescription strength deodorant. Even if you are dead doesn't mean you have to smell like you are.

4) Important documents: even the CDC has recognized the possibility of a ZA. They recommend getting all your important documents together, and I couldn't agree more. This means you need a copy of your school id, the outlines you can actually bring in to tests, your study aids, and blue books, should you be a handwriter.

5) Medications: if you are on ANY prescription drugs (e.g. birth control, adderall, narcotics, or Viagra) be sure to have these prescriptions filled before the end of the semester craziness ensues. Trust me, you don't want to need your Viagra and not have it.

6) Preventative supplies: your immune system is down; you are surrounded by sick people; you are probably going to get sick. Buy zinc, the only thing proven to shorten a common cold, AND USE IT. Get some Advil (which you can take with alcohol--you can't drink with Tylenol, btw) for the head/backaches you're likely going to encounter. For that matter, buy some booze too. You know what they say....an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

7) Earplugs: you surprisingly don't see this on many lists. I say surprisingly because you are obviously going to need to muffle sounds--the sounds of fellow students or the sounds of gunfire as you're plowing down zombies. Duh.

8)   Adequate weaponry: this can be combined with your important documents, but there's so much more that can go with your weaponry. May I suggest your killing theme song (my personal choice being "Bohemian Rhapsody"), your highlighters, outlines you've managed to procure from people indubitably smarter than you, and dollars for snack machines?

9) Your "wolfpack": I'm with Zack Galifianakis on this one. You need your wolfpack--this doesn't mean you have to study with them, but it's always nice to have someone to accompany you as you drink yourself into oblivion. Also, they may be able to provide you with outlines, and they'll have your back (hopefully--I've got doubts about fellow law students, to tell the truth) should a zombie sneak up on you.

10) Avoid large groups of people: you can never be sure which of these people is waiting to morph into a zombie. And by zombie, I mean the asshole who starts bemoaning the upcoming exam, or mindfucking you into believing the exam you just took may have anally had you. It's also harder to study with large groups of people, and you tend to go out and drink as a reward for a half hour of "studying."

Do you have any tips for surviving the upcoming apocalypse?

MPRE....in the words of the ever relevant Mortal Kombat, FINISH HER!!!!!!!!

So I'm taking the MPRE this Friday, and haven't done very much in way of studying aside from taking a class in Professional Responsibility. Which I didn't do nearly as well on as I would have hoped. Which is the test I cried over after I finished (you can read about that here). So I may just have a mental block against it. Or maybe I'm just not ethical. Or maybe I think ethicality (call me Palin, cause I just made up a word) can be summed up in one sentence: if you have to question whether it's ethical or not, it isn't. And if you're just not a very ethical person and don't pause to consider the ramifications of you actions, KARMA will get around to you.

Isn't that so much easier than requiring me to sacrifice a few hours of a perfectly good Friday to take this test? And sacrifice even more days hours trying to cram a bunch of wacky rules into my already packed brain?

Not to mention weathering the ramifications of potential flashbacks due to my overwhelmingly negative experiences with this subject?

I should sue for intentional infliction of emotional distress.

Final countdown....no, seriously, I'm counting down the days til my finals

It's that time of year again...the time where law students are on twitter talking about how they rocked an exam (i.e. probably made a C+, but trying to freak the rest of their classmates out to feel better about themselves) and others are realizing they have learned.absolutely.nothing. In the spirit of the approaching exam week(s)--all of my finals are in one week, but others have them spread out (note to self: try that for the future)--I thought I would discuss the types of test-takers known to law school while adding my own personal take on these "types."

1) The early birds: no, these are not the people who studied in advance. Rather, they are the students that finish their exam 1.2 hours into it. For those of you not in law school, this is ridiculous. We are given anywhere from 3 to 4 hours to take an exam, and the professors themselves have stated that this exam took them ___ hours to finish it (generally thirty minutes less than the time we've been give). If you are finishing early, please do not slam your books around or stomp proudly to the front of the classroom to turn the test in. I will want to murder you. Additionally, most of us know the reason you finished the exam so early is because you DON'T KNOW THE MATERIAL. You may think you absolutely aced that exam, but let me tell you, unless you are the bastard child of Scalia and Learned Hand (which, for the record, would be a MARVELOUSLY UGLY CHILD), that ain't the case.


2) The sigher: don't get me wrong--I've looked at an exam and let a big ole sigh out myself. There is a professor at my university (who, btw, I actually admire and respect a great deal) whose main 50 point essay consisted of a fact scenario from The Dark Knight. You know...the one where the series of Jokers take turns killing the other one (except he left one of those alive and had Batman scare a woman into having a miscarriage, but that's neither here nor there). The entirety of my class signed throughout reading that. But....when you're blowing my papers around on my space because you are letting out gargantuan signs THROUGHOUT THE EXAM, you should consider doing one of two things: a) wear a dust mask much like the ones used to weedeat a garden or b) allow me to choke you in a manner where drawing a breath is painful, and letting out a sigh is excruciating. Or you could just stop sighing. I suppose that's an option.

3) The muncher: much like the sigher above, you are immune to the sound effects of your own body. I don't know how, since I can hear you through my earplugs. Word of advice: pop your canned coke BEFORE the exam, save your carrot sticks (and other "brain food") for after the exam, and by God, if you chew ice in my ear, hope to the sweet baby lord Jesus that I do not suddenly develop mad Carrie powers and set your ass ablaze.

4) The rehasher: sometimes there is one question that really bothers me because I'm not sure about the mechanics of it. I'll ask my friends in the privacy of my home. I've even been known to go over the exam with one of them after it's said and done. Key word: PRIVACY. Please do not yak immediately outside of the door within my earshot about the distinctions and answers of the exam. I just finished. There is no need to relive it. I will do that again tonight in my dreams nightmares. Also, this is a double-edged sword (although what isn't? I don't think I've ever seen a single edged sword), because you may just have your world crumble around your ears. I don't want to witness that....well, kinda.

5) The counter-down: if I'm furiously going over the overview of my outline before my exam starts, I do not need you to remind me I have two minutes left. I especially hate frequent updates. I understand the concept of time running out. The concept of your life running out...I don't think you understand. Care for me to count that out for ya?

6) The frantic-questioner: these are the folks that come up to you and drill you about subjects they didn't quite get while studying. This wouldn't be so bad...if they then didn't contradict you when you're explaining it to them, interrupt frequently, and confuse the ever-living shit out of you to the point where you are questioning your own knowledge of the material. These people KILL your hope, feed off of the remaining brain cells you have managed to save for this exam, and revel in the path of destruction they have caused. Earphones can't even deter the true frantic-questioner.

7) The chipper: I call them this because of their chipper attitudes and zest for taking these exams. They LIVE for these exams; while you and I had nightmares about these finals, they slept like babies. They are extraordinarily excited about their finals. They've probably been outlining all semester long. They've also probably cross-researched everything within an inch of their lives. Do not engage them in discussion--much like the frantic-questioner, they will make you question your knowledge of the material, though in this case, it's because they seem so CALM about it. No, the fruit of the poisonous tree doctrine isn't difficult...they're so excited about it possibly being on the exam because they were on Westlaw this morning while drinking their organic tea and saw a new case just came out from the SCOTUS about the doctrine. I'd like to hit them over the head with a branch of the poisonous tree, but I don't have time, because I've got to go over my notes about it in case I really don't know what I'm talking about.


8) The litigator: no, this isn't indicative of the type of lawyer they will be. It's the person who took five classes, two of which were skills courses (aka: no final exam), two of which counted as writing classes (aka: no final exam) and one of which is with a professor going on sabbatical next semester (aka: take home exam with two weeks to work on it). KISS MY ASS, LITIGATOR.

Needless to say, the list can go on...and on....and on. If you're any one of these, Imma have to ask you to stop. Are there any you would add?

Dr. Juris (eventually)