Barbri: Experience.Failure.

Let me preface this blog entry by saying that I am no gunner. I do what I have to do to get by, and I do what I personally have to do to ensure that I know what I have to know.

Thus, I'm (obviously) taking Barbri to prepare for the Bar this summer. Barbri has been great and has a lot of great features that they tout at every damn available opportunity. Two days ago, I heard about the amazingness that was Barbri AMP. According to Barbri people, AMP is the bomb.com. AMP is Jesus' little brother. Super serial, you guys! In fact, Barbri's president Mike Sims has even talked about the awesomeness that shines out of AMP's every orifice: "BARBRI AMP gives our students a tremendous advantage on the Multistate Bar Exam, one of the most challenging parts of the bar," said Mike Sims, President of BARBRI. "The score increases realized by students who used BARBRI AMP can make the difference between passing and failing the bar, especially when you consider that many people fail the bar exam by just a few points," added Sims.

So I get online to access it yesterday, and what happens? Nothing.


That's right....nothing. The page won't load. My classmates and others throughout the United States are having shit fits because they want ALLZ THE INFO now. I would very much so like to access this as well, although my want arises particularly due to my pecuniary interest in this product. Today Barbri fired off the following two emails:

I understand how there is shittons of other material out there with which we can study effectively. But when I'm paying $2600, which is almost $50 per day (and others are paying even more in other states), I'd hope you could figure this shit out in less than 24 hours. Additionally, when you make promises about how much it will help improve my Bar exam score then don't deliver....well, that's just shitty.

Hopefully Barbri will get its act together with regard to its server, because they're going to have to deal with a whole lot of pissed off, newly minted lawyers with a (probably not valid) excuse as to why they failed the Bar exam if they do not.

Not me, of course. I handle my problems with booze, not lawsuits.

Bar tips: the MBE notebook

Barbri is fantastic, but I also need to work on personal organization and educating myself outside of the scope of Barbri. Which is why  I'm creating a new line of posts in which I seek organizational tips from fellow Bar students/lawyers, as well as give a rundown of my organizational process, so to speak.

Topic of the day: creating a Bar MBE notebook.

I actually plan on having two notebooks: one for MBE and one for essay. But since this is the world of MBE, I'll stick to that one (for now). For those of you who aren't taking the Bar this summer but will in the future, I'm not sure how much you know about this exam. I knew of the subject matter, but no one differentiated (to me, at least) which was on the MBE and which was on the essay portion before this summer. Which leads me to my notebook breakdown, subject by subject (and a couple of other relevant tabs):

1) MBE Practice Tips 

2) Constitutional Law

3) Contracts

4) Criminal Law/Procedure

5) Evidence

6) Real Property

7) Torts

8) Practice Exams/Answers

There are six subjects on the Multistate Bar Exam--actually seven, if you consider how Criminal Law and Criminal Procedure are TOTALLY different cups of tea, but whatever. Lawyers don't go to law school to learn how to count (although Criminal Sentencing Guidelines are apparently exempt from this statement). 

Disclaimer: this binder is going to be REALLY big. I've actually got to go buy a binder that I find adequately intimidating enough to handle all my Bar nonsense. I'm also investing in the good tabs: the ones with front pockets, in case I actually sit down and define all the words I need to flip through on a daily basis. Or in case I'm a dumbass and forget to hole-punch necessary items the first go around, and need somewhere to stick those notes so I don't lose them. 

At any rate, these tabs will handle the following information, although I'm not sure if I want to get some of those smaller Post-it tabs (the good ones) to ultra-compartmentalize it:

1) Outline of the subject--this will be the precise outline (2 pages or less)

2) Relevant definitions

3) Chart/Template I'm modifying, based on this amazing site's example

4) My kitchen sink outline

5) Quizzes I've taken on this subject

6) Supplemental material from the web

As you can see, this can get overwhelming quickly. On the other hand, I feel extremely motivated when I can see my progress right in front of my eyes, which is why this will probably be the best approach for me. I understand not everyone learns the same way, which is why it's important to realize your strengths and weaknesses, and then plan accordingly. 

Have I overlooked anything? Do you have any tips for me that have been helpful to you? 

Law School Exam--A student's imminent domain

Every law student I know has a specific study style, but almost all of them I know do some of the following shit during final exams, and almost certainly has a setup during said exam that looks strikingly similar to the one I've shown below. Allow me to guide you through the preparatory setup of a law school exam.

A:  the last chance at a hot drink before your final begins. At best, your Starbucks is lukewarm, and all the caffeine has rendered your tastebuds nil, but you've somehow convinced yourself that this caramel macchiato is going to give you that boost you need to succeed. (Good luck with that)

B:  your trusty laptop, which is probably on its last legs of life since you've inadvertently spilled yesterday's Starbucks on it. Watch for this awesome machine to suddenly shit out on you in the middle of the exam.

C:  Earplugs. To try to drown out the commotion that the obnoxious fucker (probably you) is probably going to cause during the exam.

D:  some sort of food that not only crunches when you eat it, but that gives off a fucking noxious odor that makes the people around you (whose stomachs and systems are also filled to the breaking point with caffeine) want to simultaneously barf and kill you. You dumbass motherfucker.

E:  5-hour energy. Taken when you start flagging--generally 1/3 of the way in. Need I say more?


F:  the Diet Coke you're going to pop in the middle of the goddamn exam right as I've come up with something brilliant to say. This, of course, will make my mouth water, and also make me lose whatever train of conscious thought I had going.


G:  see D, only this is SUPERSIZED, so you want to make sure to eat it in the middle of the exam and make AS MUCH FUCKING NOISE OPENING THE BAG AS POSSIBLE.

H:  the sole pencil you have for the Scantron whose lead will probably break halfway through filling in the bubbles. You probably even had to bum this off of someone else. Because who uses pencils?

I:   the eraser you've somehow managed to keep since you were a 1L purchasing school supplies. It will be in the bottom of your bookbag, probably covered in some kind of foreign substance.

J:  pens. Because you're almost definitely going to have to write something by hand, even if you don't want to.

K:  six fucking colors of highlighters. Because you're apparently still of the mindset that you should use the highlighting system generally only utilized by first week 1Ls before they decide to stop reading altogether.

L:   the watch you've finally remembered to bring after the last time you got COMPLETELY fucked by the proctor administering the exam.

M: the space reserved for the test that is probably going to make you want to vomit a little bit.

Now, if you look closely at the picture, you'll notice two things enclosed outside of the desk, but no less prevalent in the preparation of a law student for final exams. 

N:  the non-prescribed pills that the law student has been popping for the previous 72 hours prior to the exam. Adderall to pick you up, Ambien to put you down (after the exam, naturally), and God knows what else.
O:  RedBull almost certainly chugged down as if it was the breastmilk obtained from the teat of knowledge....except it's not and it probably isn't going to sit well with the 17+ other types of caffeine you've been swilling for the last umpteen hours.

Your guide to an open-book law final.....

Law students like to make a big deal over not having to study as hard for open book/notes-allowable finals. To them I say "Are you FUCKING NUTS?????"


You see, it has been my experience that professors with those types of finals take this as a challenge.

A challenge to cram as much material possible into a three and a half hour long exam.
A challenge to make it into a 60 multiple choice exam with 3 long essay questions.
A challenge to cram eleventy billion issues into a 30 page essay question.

These professors are ruthless. They have no conscience. They consider torturing poor law students during the holiday season to be the star on top of their damn Christmas trees (or the candles in their menorahs, if you will....)

But there is hope. If, at the beginning of the school year, you actually read their syllabus, there are certain techniques you can utilize to beat these sadists at their own game. Behold the glory:

1) Highlight anything they discuss at length in class. Yes, this requires you to listen. But if they go over it and over it in class, you can pick their favorite shit and regurgitate it during the exam. They love this.

2) Tab the important cases. If they EVER say "this is a landmark case," then you can bet your sweet bippy it will be on the exam. Be prepared. Brief that shit (Westlaw should suffice), write it in the columns, and write a few cases that may also be relevant after it's over. You'll be glad you did.

3) Be aware of the notes. After the cases are the true test landminds--hypos and cases that didn't make it to front and center. These are dangerous, and much more likely to show up in an exam than the cases you were required to brief. Take an interest in these cases. Fuck the real reading--read this instead.

4) When creating your outline, make a table of contents. A lot of these exams depend on how well you can cross-reference, not how well you can write. This means to number your pages, be able to go from one topic to the other in a pinch, and GET THERE QUICKLY. Table of contents enable this.

5) Write page numbers in your outlines. You know how you highlighted your shit earlier? PUT PAGE NUMBERS THROUGHOUT YOUR OUTLINES--that way you can open your book to the information, your notes to the information, and cross-reference to your little heart's desire.

6) Prepare your answers. This is good for any final, but especially for those finals you can bring materials to. Write your CRuPAC, or whatever weird mnemonic device you've been taught, and then fill in the rest. This saved my ass in Civ Pro.

Yeah, this isn't rocket science, but it's also not necessarily things you think about until you're under the gun in the test you walked into with the mindset that it won't be that bad. Guess what? IT IS THAT BAD. As State Farm commercials say, don't be a Jerry. 15 minutes or less could save you from cold sweats later (okay, I used Geico commercials too). All's I know is I don't want to be the guy who drove his car up a fucking pole.

It's embarrassing.

And completely unnecessary.

I like your shoes. I'll give you two bucks for them.

I'm spending time at a regional negotiation competition this weekend, and I've begun to pick apart certain characteristics of my fellow competitors. The result....well, here you are. 

1) The ladies man - yes, he views this as a negotiation....for getting in your pants. He's the one with the metrosexual tie/hair combo and the overly shined shoes. Negotiating style? Slick....but nearly as slick as he thinks. 

2) Demure lady - she uses her lack of words against you in an attempt to have you blabber until the cows come home. Must....resist...the....temptation..... She's usually paired with an equally demure lady, or

3) The overly competitive former 1L gunner - this is typically a guy, and he's got something to prove. If you stand in his way, he will cut you. I'm waiting for my chance to engage in a no-blink-staredown contest with this fellow. Because I will set him ablaze. With my MIND. 

4) The couple - they came here together. They are dating or (at the very least) fuckbuddies. They have eaten, breathed, a sexed this problem for the past 27 days. They are literally about to come to fisticuffs by this time....or they've turned to toking to pretend they are not in this competition. 

5) The don'tgiveafuck - tired of being here. Tired of negotiating. Tired. 

6) The over-prepared - you would think this was the same as the retired gunner, but no. These people don't just have the law. They have the excel sheets on their computers at the hand with the formulas to turn their numbers into a final offer. Fuck them.

7) The Hillary - I once heard Hillary referred to as a snake. As in, she looked like she would unhinge her jaw at any time and swallow you whole. I can appreciate this, however terrifying it may be. 

8) Medicated/nonmedicated - these are the people either dosed up on Adderall or not...when they should be. They are talking a million miles an hour, bouncing around from subject to subject like monkeys on crack, and generally making my hand itch. 

All in all, though, I've been having a good time. We got in at a reasonable hour last night, had dinner at a delicious place, and our suite is GREAT. 

And while at that delicious restaurant, hanging out at the bar and waiting for a table, something even more delicious happened. I was drinking water. The bartender saw everyone in my group had drinks and made sure I didn't want something, to which I replied I didn't want an $11 drink I could get for $6 back at home.

And I received that drink. For $6.

How's that for a friggin' negotiation?

"The Plan"

I'll go ahead and admit that I'm not always the most loved person in class. I like to bullshit with the teachers, have an opinion on a lot of subjects, and sit in the front row. I'm essentially a gunner sans the annoying asking questions part of the equation (which I would argue is essential to being a gunner and thus excludes me from their ranks). I'd also argue that I'm not a gunner because my seating on the front row stems from years of being unable to see the chalkboard because of my lack of VISION (you can re-read that blog entry here, if you want to inform yourself about how I'm blind and all) and not due to my need for the professor to see my hand. What you don't understand is that this is all part of the plan.

Let me explain: I had a couple classes I did not like my 1L year. Sure, the material wasn't that difficult, but I hated the subject. During those classes, I would make comments. And then I noticed something...because I spoke, then the teacher would NEVER CALL ON ME. EVEN WHEN I WAS UNPREPARED. (Which was essentially all the time...who am I kidding?) I went through Contracts 1 and 2 without EVER.BEING.CALLED.UPON. (And this is a lady who literally checked people off as she went along.)

Genius, right?

........Right?..................

Now, about my personality and the realization that doing this could make me potentially unpopular........

Let's not kid ourselves--law students are a particularly annoying bunch of people. The people that generally sat at the front of the classrooms in undergrad. The students that asked follow-up questions and made sometimes-astute-observations regarding the subject at hand. The type A personalities that freaked out and did the group presentation work all on their own. The type B personalities that fucked up your curve...quietly.

The people bitching about gunners now were almost certainly that bunch in undergrad.

And they can kiss my law-loving ass.

(Although I am inclined to want to bodyslam anyone who talks with 30 seconds remaining before the class ends.)