Best ad placement EVER

So today I was reading commentary on Chic-Fil-A. And then someone on facebook posted a link. I arrived to observe the best ad placement I have probably ever seen...ever. Behold the glory....

Moral of the story? No good deed goes unpunished.

I did it. I volunteered and was subsequently elected to run a law school event (hereby coined "LSE"). Said event was to raise money for a good cause, something I constantly thought about as I was organizing said LSE.

Now, for those of you who are not yet familiar with my style, I'm an A personality. I like to meet people. I like to talk to people. I like to be in charge. I also don't mind helping out or delegating, provided things are run in a cohesive manner that doesn't result in my wanting to rip someone's my hair out. For the most part, if something isn't being done properly (or at all), I'd rather just do it myself. It's my nature, and while annoying, it's highly effective (because let's face it--law students aren't exactly the most dependable of people). That being said, if someone is doing their job, then I'm of the mindset to HAVE AT IT.

So....this LSE is technically the pet project of one of the organizations on campus and consists of having to rely upon a shitton of people actually showing up at this event to volunteer. That's strike one, in my opinion. Depending on a group of lawyers and law students to be somewhere to dedicate their time to an altruistic task? UNHEARD OF.

Strike two was the fact that I was working with someone I believe to be Cray-Cray to the Maximus (and by maximus, I mean in my gluteous maximus). My opinion? This crazy coot is out to get me. Fucking great. (And I'm not imagining this shit--we go way back.) Worst part? She acts like she doesn't hate my guts.

So I bust my ass for three weeks, all the while having to deal with backbiting and assholery and general indignities that many would argue are grounds for justifiable homicide. And I take it, because BY GOD, I AM GOING TO DO GOOD FOR CHARITY. I get liquor (since we know that's the main draw). I organize everything. I decorate. I bedazzle.

In short, I rock this goddamn event with every fucking fiber of my fabulous glitter-emoting body.

It was a success, although the event didn't raise nearly as much money as I would have liked (let's just say this--with the hours I put in, I'd have liked a feast thrown in my honor, with a roast beast).

So, where is strike three, you are wondering? Well, friends, that came after the event. When CrayCray scheduled a meeting to discuss the event. The event SHE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING ATTEND. In all actuality, it was a "Let's Shit on Dr. Juris" meeting. And SHIT THEY DID. Comments like "undermining authority" (when I was in charge, mind you) and "poor time management" (when everything was accomplished and rocked out with its proverbial....well, you know what I mean) were thrown around with great relish. At the end of said meeting, I was told I would have to hand over all my notes and intellectual property associated with the event for next year's planning.

I am waiting for the perfect moment to crush these audacious demands didn't have the heart to tell them I had deleted it all with a thank you Lerd and good riddance.

No really, my heart is three sizes too small.....and I'm pretty sure it's not going to experience a miraculous growth spurt any time soon.

Probably the best email I had with regard to this event was a professor who was helping out: I'll stick to what they gave me and frequently remind myself that it's for a good cause. To which I replied:

That's what I've been doing for the past two weeks. 

Don't bet against the bailiff

I'm not sure if I've written about my externship before, since I generally shy away from anything that has to do with court proceedings in the interest of judicial secrecy. That being said, I work several hours per week with hilariously awesome people in this particular court setting. As is typical with awesome people, craziness ensues a large majority of the time. 

Like today, when I lost a bet. 

We had a hearing regarding parents that don't get along and refuse to get along for the interest of their two children. They have allowed these kids to have Facebook accounts. The parents also have Facebook accounts, and apparently Momsy spends a good majority of the time making sexual innuendos and bashing Dadsy on her wall. My Judge, hereby named "Her Awesomeness," has been dealing with this couple for a while now. Today they were in court to squabble about the young girl having a Facebook (and I mean this girl is well below the age required by Facebook policy to even qualify for an account). 

While duking it out, it became blatantly obvious that both of these parents were off their rockers. And that Her Awesomeness was getting pretty damn pissed. 

Imagine how much more pissed she became when she realized Momsy took her barely teenaged son to a place I'll call Knockers to celebrate his birthday...in clear violation of a court order regarding the consumption of alcohol around the children (hand to God, Her Awesomeness was actually quoted in the previous transcripts as saying the parents should view alcohol as seriously as cocaine if it was around the children, as the kids had been so over-exposed to alcohol in the past). 

Which brings me to my bet. As Bailiff Larry and I were waiting for Her Awesomeness's ruling, he figured out loud that Judge would probably hold Momsy in contempt (Knockers was just the beginning). Her Awesomeness is a really kickass and (extremely) sweet lady, so I naturally assumed it would take more to rile Judge up.

And of course, I was wrong. 

Which is why I'm now making brownies for the entire court tomorrow. 

But hey, I got to see someone arrested! TOTALLY WORTH IT. 

Lucy in the Sky with Cubic Zirconium

This week was pretty much the week from Hell. I had a shitton of stuff I had to make happen, including a few interviews for externships next semester, a presentation for one of my classes, and a gazillion client interviews that somehow had to take place. But somehow I got through it and it's now Friday and I'm sitting in my house clutching two bags of Goodwill purchases and rocking myself like a baby preparing to make dinner like a big kid. (Okay, I did go to Goodwill.)

The most interesting thing to take place this week was probably one of the interviews for a judicial externship. I went in and introduced myself and the judge (who I have NEVER EVER MET BEFORE) said it was nice to see me again, effectively shaming me into a pool of self-doubt about whether we had, in fact, ever actually been introduced before. I maintain we hadn't. But I digress. After our standard repartee regarding why I want the externship and my studies (which I kinda like, because I always seem to have a new answer), we started to meander into other topics.

Like how she once represented a woman in a divorce proceeding who always smelled kinda funny and she never knew what the scent was. Until the lady was arrested for meth. (Oops for requesting child custody.)

Or how I had done an internship this summer and was scared shitless about the job and how much I anticipated hating it (I may have substituted in crap instead) and how I actually ended up loving it. (Maybe that's kinda relevant.)

Or how it's impossible for someone to overdose on LSD, and how the judge had always kinda wanted to try it, but figured she would have a flashback twenty years down the road in court and so she never did.

And how LSD is now being advocated for people suffering severe depression and it supposedly actually works.

And how anytime I smell pot, I want to barf all over the place and how I hate getting on the bus because I never know if the bus will smell like Reefer Joe over in the corner who just got done toking it up right before he boarded.

Oh, and how I saw pot the first time when I was in college and how I had a minor freakout.

And how she knew kids that smoked pot all the time in law school and once they pulled it out in front of her and she also had a minor freakout.

We then agreed that legalizing drugs wasn't necessarily a problem, since the people who are going to try heroin are going to do it regardless of whether it's legal or not, and we just don't want to have to deal with people doing it in public.

Yes, people, I spent approximately 25.3465 minutes of a 30 minute interview discussing drugs...with a circuit judge.

She offered me the externship the next morning. And naturally I accepted.

I like your shoes. I'll give you two bucks for them.

I'm spending time at a regional negotiation competition this weekend, and I've begun to pick apart certain characteristics of my fellow competitors. The result....well, here you are. 

1) The ladies man - yes, he views this as a negotiation....for getting in your pants. He's the one with the metrosexual tie/hair combo and the overly shined shoes. Negotiating style? Slick....but nearly as slick as he thinks. 

2) Demure lady - she uses her lack of words against you in an attempt to have you blabber until the cows come home. Must....resist...the....temptation..... She's usually paired with an equally demure lady, or

3) The overly competitive former 1L gunner - this is typically a guy, and he's got something to prove. If you stand in his way, he will cut you. I'm waiting for my chance to engage in a no-blink-staredown contest with this fellow. Because I will set him ablaze. With my MIND. 

4) The couple - they came here together. They are dating or (at the very least) fuckbuddies. They have eaten, breathed, a sexed this problem for the past 27 days. They are literally about to come to fisticuffs by this time....or they've turned to toking to pretend they are not in this competition. 

5) The don'tgiveafuck - tired of being here. Tired of negotiating. Tired. 

6) The over-prepared - you would think this was the same as the retired gunner, but no. These people don't just have the law. They have the excel sheets on their computers at the hand with the formulas to turn their numbers into a final offer. Fuck them.

7) The Hillary - I once heard Hillary referred to as a snake. As in, she looked like she would unhinge her jaw at any time and swallow you whole. I can appreciate this, however terrifying it may be. 

8) Medicated/nonmedicated - these are the people either dosed up on Adderall or not...when they should be. They are talking a million miles an hour, bouncing around from subject to subject like monkeys on crack, and generally making my hand itch. 

All in all, though, I've been having a good time. We got in at a reasonable hour last night, had dinner at a delicious place, and our suite is GREAT. 

And while at that delicious restaurant, hanging out at the bar and waiting for a table, something even more delicious happened. I was drinking water. The bartender saw everyone in my group had drinks and made sure I didn't want something, to which I replied I didn't want an $11 drink I could get for $6 back at home.

And I received that drink. For $6.

How's that for a friggin' negotiation?

There once was a girl from law school...

A girl with law exams back to back,

Was decisively starting to crack.

The moment arose--

her computer froze,

That's what she gets for using a Mac.

One of my professors wanted our class to come up with limericks for Wills, Trusts, and Estates cases. Suffice to say, I find it hard enough to read any cases, so I didn't jump on that particular bandwagon. Additionally, limericks are supposed to be entertaining and the only way you could make that class interesting would be to conduct it in a Jerry Springer format (c'mon, don't tell me the subject isn't just ripe with potential for chanting, personal comments into the "microphone," and the occasional (simulated) bitch slap). This got me to thinking: what if I were to write limericks all the time? (To answer that question: I would probably be considered far more annoying than I already am viewed and eventually be stoned by a large group of people with a mob mentality and an unquenchable taste for blood--although I suppose I wouldn't be considered as annoying/pretentious as someone who went around composing haikus all the time.)

Take the above, for example: I love my PC. I'm not quite sure what all the hullabaloo is about Macs. They don't have a right-click buttons, they need special software to be compatible to anything remotely cool out there, and they've essentially ripped off Lenix, smacked an apple logo on it, and labeled it "trendy." Sure, they may not be any worse than PCs....but they certainly aren't superior. (And you're paying mondo mucho buckeroos for that free operating system and picture of an apple.) I wouldn't wish this on anyone...but it sure would be fun to watch (refer to my post regarding my relationship with technology--I frequently am that girl...why can't I wish it on someone else for a change??)....

Or how about a limerick for how I feel right now, which cannot be described with any good adjectives like funny, witty, or even alive (okay, alive isn't an adjective, but you get my point)....

I once went two days without sleep,

after weeks of minimal upkeep.

I decided to waive

any chance of a shave,

in exchange for counting some sheep. 

I'm pretty sure that's self-explanatory. I'm exhausted. I've had about five hours of rest in the past sixty hours. I'm to a point where I get halfway through a thought and completely lose it. I can't even focus on what people are saying. I resorted to caffeine for a perk (not my cup of tea, so to speak). No more. Now, I get to relax in my wonderfully comfortable bed with brand new clean sheets and a chance to finally recharge. 

Oh yeah, and law school exams are over. Unfortunately, the cruel evidence of the harrowing two weeks remains...glaring at me (and others) like two accusing caterpillars sitting on my face. 

 To the students whose exams go on...

I hope you have shittons* of fun.

For me, I'll be snoring,

 In my bed. Have fun poring

Over books. I'm offically done... 

(Bitches)

*pronounced to rhyme with "kitten"

GOOD NIGHT!

Things fall into place....

I've been trying for the past two years to land some sort--any sort, really--of job related to the legal profession. At the beginning of the spring semester, I was summarily "excused" from my last job with nary a phone call for six weeks (I was a private contractor and would receive calls on where to be and what time to be there)--suffice to say it was the equivalent of a loooong, draw-out breakup with a boyfriend you don't really like, but kinda need to keep around because he pays half of the rent and it's tough getting back out there again. And while that job was perhaps related to the legal community in the sense of being the brother-in-law to your aunty's second cousin (once removed), I wasn't particularly enthused with it, although I was good at what I did.

I've applied for legal clerkships; I've submitted resumes for on-campus interviews; I've mingled and networked my ass off looking for that job. All FAILURES.

And now, in the words of the great Darryl Hammond (representing the legendary Sean Connery during "Celebrity Jeopardy" in the well-known SNL sketches)--MY DAY HAS COME! (5:25)