Truthism by Tolkien

I've made it no secret that I love Lord of the Rings. And The Hobbit. And Gandalf....especially Gandalf.

The moment of "truth".....

True story: my first semester in law school, I made some friends, read for classes, but didn't do any form of group study or extreme outlining. I did study a lot before final exams, and I felt like I knew the materials. However, I have a background in science and lacked the 4+ years of persuasive writing training many of my colleagues received in undergrad. Needless to say, I got through finals feeling like I probably did average on my exams. The average at my university is a B- (whereas almost every other damn law school in the country grades on a B), so the average is a 2.67. Imagine my shock, frustration, and general agony when I got my grades back and realized I had a 2.4 GPA. 

LET ME REPEAT THAT: A 2.4 GPA.  

I know plenty of people that don't give a fuck about their GPAs. In the A-personality, ultra-competitive realm of law school, this matters. And it mattered a whole hell of a lot to me. 


Cut to now: I've finally managed to break the 3.0 GPA, and although I may not* graduate with honors (although maybe the baby Lord Jesus could grant me a miracle and do something to ensure all A's next semester---I SAID IT WAS A MIRACLE, NOT A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY, PEOPLE!), I'm back on track and managed to land a really good job my 2L summer. This brings me to my subject today...

There are a lot of blawgs regarding what the hell you are supposed to do when you receive your grades back for the semester and they aren't nearly as good as you expected. If you are #1 in the class, give yourself a hand, because you're the only one that's going to be clapping. Coming from someone who has lived through it, though, I'd like to offer some words of comfort, things you aren't supposed to do, and things that actually helped me when I got my shitastic grades back the first week of my second semester.

#1

First, here comes the shitty reality: you are probably going to have to lower your aspirations regarding a summer job, particularly when it comes to interviews conducted at your school for summer positions. This doesn't mean you can't get a job at all, but these jobs almost always have a certain GPA or class rank requirement. It does, however, mean you are going to need a lot of positive things to put on your resume that overcomes the shitty GPA. Which leads me to my second point....

#2

Join some clubs; take an active interest in the extracurricular aspect of law school (and no, I don't mean participating in Keg Wars, an actual event at my university); do some volunteering; participate in competitions; DO ANYTHING THAT WOULD REFLECT POSITIVELY UPON YOUR RESUME. You may not have the highest grades in law school, but if you are below the fifty percentile, then you damn well better be able to show the interviewer you were doing something other than squandering your student loan money and developing some form of substance abuse dependency during your tenure at law school. Yes, you will have to actually participate in these clubs. Think of it as building your diplomacy skills....and take comfort in the fact that your classmates are, in fact, idiots.

#3

Next, you seriously need to assess yourself and figure out why the hell you just bombed your finals. Take time the first week of classes (or whenever you get your grades back) to email your professors and set up a one-on-one meeting with him/her (this means ALL of your professors, even in the classes you did okay in) to discuss what you need to do differently, what you did well, and why you scored how you scored. I had one professor actually break down how he used to test (and let me tell you, he's a smart mf) during his law school grades and how he prepared. This helped me immeasurably and directly influenced how I did the next semester.

#4

Buy the right study guides. Not all study aids are made for all people...or subjects. DO NOT EVER buy the case briefs. They don't actually teach you the subjects, and they encourage you not to read. Plus you can get that shit for free online. I've found a method that generally helps me.

If the class runs like a history test or mainly involves a rule, get the "Nutshell" for it. It helps for classes that you are going to need an outline in. Classes like Constitutional Law and Real Estate Transactions and Decedent's Estates. The nutshell actually gives you the history, the definitions you are going to need, the situations when things apply, and puts it in an easily outlineable form. I CANNOT recommend the Nutshell series more highly for outlineable exams.

For exams that have a lot of exceptions and are more "flow chartable," you need to get the Emanuel Crunchtime. This is for classes like Evidence and Criminal Procedure and Civil Procedure. Emanuel is pretty much, well, my Emmanuel.

#5

In 2L year, consider classes that are not going to fuck you over. This is not to say to take all easy classes. You are going to have to take the Bar and should definitely take a large number of courses that will be on your bar....you will NOT like having to learn them all in 6 weeks. However, this doesn't mean you shouldn't choose classes that play to your strengths, and consider professors who may share your beliefs and writing styles. So many times, the exam is not based upon how much you know (almost everyone knows the damn material), it is based upon how well you are able to appeal to the person grading it.

Aside from these tidbits of information, I can also tell you that you are not out of luck or out of hope. Plenty of people  get lax their second semester and let their grades slip. Plenty of others are incapable of working with others and cannot secure a job regardless of their 3.75 GPA. Even more still cannot interview. What I am saying is that it is never too late. 


Besides, unless a position specifically requests your GPA or class ranking, there is no need to put it on your resume. 

Ethicality....it's all relative

So I passed the MPRE after being pretty damn sure I had failed it back at the beginning of August. And I not only passed it, but I passed it by a pretty decent margin! Before I start bragging though, maybe I should consider how the MPRE is actually scored.....

In states across America, people are required to pass this little test with 50 real questions and 10 questions with which they've designed to torture future test-takers . You are scored on a weighted scale, with 50 being the lowest score and 150 being the highest (because I guess a 0 would be too brutal, right?). The highest score required in our great nation to practice is an 86, for the holier-than-thou states of California and Utah (yeah right). In order to get a 100, you have to get anywhere between 32-37 questions right. There's a five question zone because difficulty of the test determines type of scaled scoring. But just to clarify, this constitutes as a 64%-74% "grade," depending on how moronic the particular people are that are taking the test. This awesome site provides an awesome chart that puts the median at about 97, although it's actually lower for August test-takers. This means that the average person is about 70% ethical. Since I am "math-adverse" and don't like discussing statistics (eye twitching is not a good look for me, folks), I'll leave the standard deviations to this guy. (For the record, I'm actually above the curve in ethicality, although I'm pretty sure that means nothing in the practice of law.)

This does NOT take into consideration that to actually pass this thing everywhere, you only have to make an 86. Based on some of my fuzzy math (100/34=2.941 THEN 86/2.941=29.24), I calculated this to mean that in order to practice law, you honestly only have to be 58.5% ethical.

Which is a failing grade on any test I've ever taken.

But trust us....because we're lawyers.

Advice for incoming 1Ls....

You're going to get a long list of things you should do when you enter law school. I figured you'd need a list of things you should NOT do upon entering law school.

1) Do not hook up with anyone at the law school for at least three months. I've never eaten at the proverbial place where I shit, so to speak. That doesn't mean some people don't. If you are considering doing this, wait at least three months for the "new" sheen to wear off and allow you to see most of your legal cohorts for what they are....assholes who will most likely tell of your lack of bedroom prowess while getting sloppy drunk then calling you from the bar to pick him/her up for a little late night (shitty) bootay. Refrain. People like to gossip in law school....in fact, they act worse than middle schoolers. Except now, instead of hearing how Suzy likes Johnny, you are overhearing stories about Stacey's mismatched boobs and affinity for cracking a (non-proverbial) whip over the backs of unsuspecting 1Ls. Don't be a Stacey, people.

2) Do NOT run out and buy every single casebook on your reading list (especially at the bookstore). A lot of people would do a heck of a lot better in classes if they set aside some money for Emanuel's Crunchtime rather than that 200 dollar casebook they haven't touched all semester. Be honest with yourself....are you even going to show up to classes? If the answer is maybe, then speak to some upperclassmen, ask them if the professor even expects you to read or mostly lectures the entire time, then get some tips as to the best study guide for the class. While you're at it, ask for someone's old notes.

3) Do not outline....if it's not for you. Not everyone is an outliner. I am one of those people who would rather jump off a building rather than outline (and who gets about the same studying effect out of the two). Some people like to organize their notes in outline form. Some like to make flashcards. Some have photographic memories. Those with the photographic memories can fuck themselves. Everyone else....find out what works for you. Outlines (as hyped as they are) may not be the answer.

4) Do not be afraid to ask a question in class. I don't give two flying rat turds about being called a gunner. If asking a sincere question about something (if you HAVE READ...if you haven't, assume it's in the material, scan the material, then ask after class because otherwise, your classmates will --rightly-- want to pop a cap in your ass) qualifies you as a gunner, then so be it. That being said, don't ask a question that rephrases the last thing the professor said in hopes of making yourself look good to the professor. It makes you look like a tool.

5) Do NOT get shitty drunk at the first bar review. Without fail, at least one 1L gets a DWI after my school's first bar review. A few years ago, a person got one on a moped. Don't be that person (because you'll be remembered, but not in a good way. Maybe in an epic way, but trust me, you don't want to be the moped guy).

6) In fact, DO NOT drink and drive at all. There's another person I know that supposedly hit a police cruiser on her way back from the bar. Another person I know had a breathalyzer in his truck. And yet another had to ask everyone for rides because he had no license due to DUIs. This sucks, you have to divulge it to the Bar and future employers, and it shows up in a background scan. Plus your pictures are in the police database. And if you think those pictures don't circulate....think again. I know many people who have made them their computer's backgrounds.

7) Do not rely on other people's outlines to get a good grade in a class. People make outlines to retain information. You reading an outline may help a bit, but putting in the time to make that outline was what earned that person the A in the class. Don't kid yourself.

8) Don't expect to be one of the few A's in the class. At my school, we are graded on a B- curve. This sucks, because it means A's are in short abundance (and that our GPA averages are lower than the national average). While it's awesome to aspire to a good grade, just remember there are a lot more B- grades than A's.....and that someone has to be on the bottom of the bell curve.

I've got lots more, but this is probably the best advice I can offer. Have fun, read for class, and make friends outside of law school. Trust me, you'll need them.

Words of the Wise (aka: not me)

I'm not much of an insightful person....there, I said it. I don't really get into religious tizzies, and I particularly hate those that go on and one about being "one" with nature, God, their hobbies....etc. It always seems either (a) fake, (b) overdone, or (c) like they are trying to mask their inner misery by making everyone else feel out of touch with Zen. I do, however, love a good quote...particularly when it's funny and inspiring. So, ladies and gentlemen, here are some good quotes to light up your morning:

1) I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they are going to feel all day. (Frank Sinatra)

2) I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way. (Carl Sandburg)

3) Be curteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. (George Washington)

4) A good lawyer is a bad Christian. (John Lothrop Motley)

5) Creationists make it sound like a "theory" is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night. (Isaac Asimov)

6) Question with boldness even the existence of a God; becaue, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear. (Thomas Jefferson)

7) A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. (Mignon McLaughlin)

8) Beauty for some provides escape, who gain a happiness in eyeing the gorgeous buttocks of the ape or Autumn susets exquisitely dying. (Langston Hughes)

9) Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures. (H. Jackson Brown, Jr.)

10) People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds...it is something one creates. (Thomas Szasz)

I hope y'all have a great day. I, on the other hand, will not profess to find myself or preach from a mountaintop....there are far too many superior quotes out there for that.

Happiness and the law...this is possible!

Lawyers are inherently miserable creatures. They bitch and moan about their jobs, their student loans, their clients, and anything else related to work that comes up. A statistic floating around is that lawyers have one of the highest suicide rates among professions, although I was unable to substantiate this rumor. However, I was able to find statistics that show lawyers are 3.6 more likely to be depressed than others. In fact, when I googled "depression by profession" (forgive the rhyme), the top ten searches all pertained to the legal profession. This is an epidemic, and one I think is easily fixed. This is not to say I do not think that depression is a serious mental condition. However, with medicine, changes in lifestyle, and a focus on things that makes a person happy, even lawyers are capable of being happy, well-adjusted, non-depressed people too!

I have had times in my life when I was not happy. I have had times when my life seemed incredibly bleak. Every winter, the dark cold weather makes me want to hibernate. A lot of this depression arose during my time in law school--law students do not necessarily make the best of friends, particularly my cut-throat class. After a while, though, I learned a lot that helped me change my perspective and return to my normal, happy-go-lucky personality. They are as follows:

1) Branch out--when I was surrounded by law students all the time, I was miserable. I spoke about the law all the time. Even when we were discussing other things, law managed to sneak into our conversations. I met some people outside of law school, started balancing my time with both law and non-law people, and was able to finally get that "break" I needed.

2) Take some alone time--I think people all think they need to be surrounded by people at all times, but people should learn how to cope with being by themselves, because we can't always have people around. If you can't stand your own company, why should anyone else? I'm not saying we should isolate ourselves from people intentionally, but there is nothing wrong with having an hour by yourself to think, reflect, and enjoy your own company.

3) Work out--you don't have to be kickboxing to get awesome results. I know fitting in my clothes makes me happier, and any time I'm stressed, heading to the gym helps me cope with this. It's also a great way to meet other people, an amazing feeling to reach personal goals, and gives you a sense of accomplishment in keeping yourself fit and feeling strong. If you can't respect yourself enough to keep yourself healthy and in good physical shape, you're unlikely to have as much confidence as you could have. The endorphins triggered by working out also work like an anti-depressant, which aid in kicking depression's ass.

4) Stop boozing every day--alcoholism is also rampant in the legal profession. Did you know it's a DEPRESSANT? That's why you get sleepy when you booze it up. That's also why you sometimes see those idiot girls sitting on a curb bawling their eyes out while slurring into a phone how much they miss their ex-boyfriends. If you must drink, choose a day a week. Do not drink every day. Do not drink until you black out. Do not make excuses for your drinking every day. Go to a treatment program if you are drinking every day.

5) Start volunteering--as a lawyer, you're recommended to complete 50 hours of pro bono service per year. This translates to ONE HOUR PER WEEK, folks. This is negligible. You have a degree in a field that can literally change someone's life. Use it. If you can't see yourself helping others with your law degree, volunteer as a Big Brother/Sister, head on over to your soup kitchen, write a check to a worthy cause, or just  man a hotline a couple of hours per week. It makes you realize your life isn't that sucky and that others really do have it harder than you. Really. You bitch about sucky clients--there are people that don't have a house. That's not to belittle your problems, but it does help put things into perspective.

6) Listen more--no matter your profession, if you are listening to others and talking less, you will probably be happier. Ask your friends how they are, and mean it. Talk to your mom on the phone and actually listen to her. When your clients express concerns, try to show an interest.

7) Smile--no seriously, smiling has been shown to trigger the release of endorphins. Sometimes, it's also just nice to smile at someone and have them smile back at you.

8) Do something nice for yourself--I see this a lot with women. They focus so much on others around them or on negative thoughts that they never do anything for themselves. If this means cooking your favorite meal, getting a manicure, or treating yourself to a haircut, DO IT.

9) Let things go--it's really easy to focus on your negative feelings or prior transgressions of others. Stop worrying about them--as Van Wilder said, it's like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but you get NOWHERE. Seriously, just let them go. Move on. Stop giving other people power over you. It makes your life a lot easier to not have to keep track of who you are pissed off at, and those negative feelings really screw up your psyche.

10) Seek counseling--if you cannot shake your feelings of sadness or depression, do not be embarrassed to seek help. Having someone to talk to about these feelings helps a lot, and they may be able to prescribe you something that helps normalize the chemicals in your brain and get you feeling more like yourself, sans the cobwebs.

I realize I'm not certified in mental counseling. However, these have all been shown to help, and when I implemented them in my life, I felt significantly better. The ladies in my office are incredible, and you'd never know they're lawyers. They are happy with what they are doing, go home to their families and time with those they love, and LOVE their jobs. I'm going to leave with the last item on this list, which I think is the most important:

11) Pick a branch of the law you LOVE: time and time again, I hear of people that are pursuing something they hate because it pays well. Ultimately, you're going to be unsatisfied, and feel trapped, because you're used to that type of living. And you're going to be scared to be poor. Poor does not equate to unhappiness. Wealth certainly makes life easier, but it definitely doesn't make it more worth living. Keep this in mind, and choose carefully. Don't be afraid to start over. Don't be afraid to pursue something that's not traditional. Don't be afraid of other people's opinions. Be BRAVE. Be HAPPY. Live with purpose.

And live your life your way. You only get one chance.

A word to the wise....

Today in class, I received a message that spoke to everything I've tried to convey regarding the practice  of law. It is both eloquent and simple. This message was the commencement address to the graduating law class of 1993 at the University of Arkansas. When Arkansas lawyers are sworn in, they are given a copy of this speech. Most do not take it to heart. I want to live by it for the rest of my life.

Although I do not want to post the entire speech here, I would like to touch on a few of the most important points as they relate to how I view the practice of law. You can find the entire speech here.
 
[T]omorrow, my friends, the slate is wiped clean again. Prospective clients don't inquire about class rank. The local bar association you will join does not have a special class of membership for law review staffs. Judges and jurors will not ask to see your resume.

I think when we get caught up in the rush of law school, we forget to make connections. Though I did not make law review and my resume is summarily unspectacular, this is a message of hope, and hopefully it is not too late. While numbers seem important in the long run, and while your GPA may seem like the most pivotal thing in your life right now, it's important to reflect on the future. A future where your GPA doesn't denote your passion for the law. Possibilities that exist regardless of your positions (or lack thereof) during your tenure at law school. And an opportunity to show your value in another way--beyond the numbers, the subjective scoring of a law school exam, and the pressure to excel academically at any cost.

You will be evaluated instead by your product, your energy, your temperament and your backbone. The reputation you develop for intellectual and ethical integrity will be your greatest asset or your worst enemy. You will be judged by your judgment.

This speaks to ANY job, EVERY career, and applies to your personal life as well. Exercise sound judgment, treat others with respect, and, most importantly, treat yourself and your career with respect. 

Each client is entitled to your best effort. Practice law with a heart. The clients you represent will remember you long after you have forgotten their names. While routine for you, what you are doing for them may be the most important thing in their lives. 

For most, you'll be the only lawyer they will ever come into contact with, and they form their perceptions of our justice system and your profession on how you treat them as a person and the quality of your work. 

Practice law with consideration and courtesy. No matter how righteous the cause or clear your victory, assure that your adversary with his or her client leaves with dignity.

This is especially important to me. I feel that far too many lawyers view their clients as something less than a person. As if their personal matters were somehow less significant because of the money involved, the fears they may have, or the relatively little value they may receive from their case. My professor emphasized this point as well, and was right on the money when he said "The practice of law is a trust. It is a fiduciary relationship. Clients will put their money, freedom, children, marriages, and their emotions in YOUR hands (that’s trust and they are trusting you). Our job is to maintain and serve that trust." Don't forget that for most, the practice of law is scary. It's foreign. It's a completely different language. This isn't to say we should feel superior to those we are counseling. Instead, we should view this as an opportunity to educate. I honestly feel that most of the frustration borne from a attorney/client relationship results from a lack of communication and ability to treat it as a learning opportunity--maintain their dignity, treat others with respect, and respect the law.

He speaks also of family, making time for those around you, and of public service. I cannot emphasize enough how important public service is to the community and for your interpersonal growth. Although he only touched briefly on this subject, I feel that your satisfaction in your job and as a person are a direct correlation to the life you lead OUTSIDE the realm of practice:

[I]t won't be enough for you to make all the money you can. No matter how successful you are financially, your professional lives will be unhappy if you do not devote some measure of your task to improving your profession and your community. You can do good and still do well.

 Encased in these words of wisdom was also a message of warning: 

I cannot make this point to you too strongly. There is no victory, no advantage, no fee, no favor which is worth even a blemish on your reputation for intellect and integrity. Nothing travels faster than an accusation that another lawyer's word is no good. A judge who catches you in a disingenuous argument or a mischaracterization of a case will turn hard of hearing when you next show up to argue. Dents to the reputation in the legal profession are irreparable. Every lawyer I know carries around a mental black book which is recorded in indelible ink the names of his adversaries who breached the presumption of good-faith dealing.

Perhaps the most poignant statement in this entire speech is this: You will have failures and disappointments. Take comfort in knowing that opinions of those who really matter will never be as forgiving of your failures or as admiring of your victories as they are at this stage of your career. This statement is both uplifting and incredibly sad, as the man who gave this speech--Vincent Foster--committed suicide less than two months later in Fort Macy Park in Washington, D.C. I cannot help but wonder if he was able to draw comfort from those whose opinions mattered, or if the voices of those whose opinions didn't matter drowned out their words and support.

This message is one of hope, inspiration, and ultimately, regret. It is an incredible message to open oneself up to the possibilities, and a lesson in applying these words in more than a figurative context. We must all strive--not only as lawyers, but as people--to help those around us. Though no one is without fault, admitting these faults, accepting consequences for your actions, and choosing the high road should not be an option, but rather, a way of life. Mr. Foster's suicide did not diminish the value of his words--it served as a devastating example of how people get caught up in the game--even to a point where they feel ending their life is a reasonable alternative to facing the music.

I hope Mr. Foster found peace. I hope others live by his example and learned from his decisions. And ultimately, I hope, as Mr. Foster did that you see your potential to restore a sense of community, to use your talents to help others and to be fulfilled.