Cards in anticipation of the bar exam

As my fuse grows shorter the closer I get to the Bar Exam, I find myself having to excuse or apologize for my behavior more than I'm comfortable admitting. 

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like Hallmark makes cards that concern the bar exam. 

So I made my own.

This is Card #1. More to follow. May God have mercy on our souls. 

We're alllll gonnnnna diiieeee (or: a bar exam update)

You know that point where it hits you that a HUGEMONGEOUS deadline is approaching and you are sitting there with your thumb up your ass and not a clue in the world with regards to the impending sucktasticness?

I'm there. 

I have 34 days to cram for the Texas bar examination, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail. I have no friggin idea what I'm doing. I have no initiative and I'm wandering around without knowing ANY OF THE LAWS. I *know* that I've done some stuff. But I don't think it's enough. I'm good with Contracts, but how about EVERY OTHER SUBJECT?

So today is the day I freak out, barricade myself in my hidey hole, and make suitable plans to study in remote locations where no one can find me.

All the while clutching my stomach, rocking from side to side, and murmuring about how I've been forsaken by my brain. And how WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE......

You tell em, Katniss. 

God help me.

It's okay Thursday....

It's okay....

To have tons of friends you've never met but feel like you've known forever via Twitter (and to love them bunnnnches). 

To be ridiculously excited to go watch Lord of the Rings and talk girl talk with an awesome lady I know in real life.....

That I'm blogging rather than hitting the road for an interview I have tomorrow....

To have a big, sequined, purple shower cap that I use on the reg, even though it makes me look like Miss Muffett and even though I work out every day....

That I use dry shampoo EVERY SINGLE DAY, regardless of when I washed my hair....

That bar exam studies make me want to kick a small woodland creature....

That my 11 year old brother and I spent two hours preparing/cooking a quiche that he wouldn't touch because of the texture....

That I had no such qualms...

NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

To be unsure of whether anyone can last because Ice-T and Coco are having marital problems..

THAT'S RIGHT TYRA. YOU TELL THEM.

Equipping my dream office

One of these days, by golly, I'm going to have an office. And clients. And maybe even practice law. And if I'm dreaming, I'd like to do it in a decent part of town, with a climate-controlled building, in a space I fill myself. 

What my dream office shall (and what, realistically, every law office should) be equipped with:

1. I'm geekishly in love with this Viscante oak executive home office, found here (I actually used that stock photo as my office and added everything else I wanted). I want it all: the hutch, the desk, the EVERYTHING.

2. Framed certificates depicting my awesomeness (undergrad and law school degrees, and law licenses)

3. A super-sexy all-in-one copy/fax/scan/email machine. I'd love to be almost completely paperless (although I'd maintain one paper copy of each client's file for safekeeping).

4. A lateral filing desk, in which to keep the aforementioned paper copies. 

5. An ergonomic, back-loving office chair (like this one, the golden standard, from Herman Miller).

6. A really wide computer monitor. Because I'm blind. 

7. Westlaw Next. Because it's awesome. 

8. A chair for potential clients. Comfortable, but not too comfortable (because I want them to leave).

9. A Keurig. We all need caffeine.

10. Wall art. (The Razorbacks are gonna win it all next year, I TELL YA.)

11. Appropriate lighting. A girl has to see.

NOT PICTURED:

11. A sofa. Plush. (Because I might want to nap on it....duh.)

12. Bookcases upon which to display my vast knowledge of the law. Ha. (Okay, my outdated legal encyclopedias that will impress clients.)

13. External hard drive. If my computer crashes, I have to be prepared.

OPTIONAL, THOUGH PREFERRED:

14. A great view.

15. A stellar paralegal.

My views on the bar exam, as illustrated by Lord of the Rings

  

Ten things I'd rather be doing than studying for the bar exam...

I'm tired. I'm lacking motivation. And I'm starting to get my ass handed to me during MPQ multiple choice question sets. It's demoralizing, degrading, and depressing. (Enough with the alliteration.) I would almost rather be doing anything else than this. Like making this chart about things I'd rather be doing than studying:

On second thought, I'd better be getting back to torts. Hope y'all are getting through it too!

Love you, H-dawg.

Sometimes I amaze myself...

So I learned how to make gifs....and I was like

There goes my studying....

The zombie apocalypse...law school finals style

I got into a lively discussion with some of my twitter friends the other day about the impending zombie apocalypse and whether a crossbow would serve as an adequate weapon. Then I realized something today.....I've already been preparing for it!!! So far, I've compared law school finals to the Rocky series (aka: getting my ass whooped and coming back for more), being on serious and dangerous medication (the adverse side effects are already manifesting themselves, y'all) and now, I've got another basis of comparison:

There's no doubt about it: preparing for law school finals is like readying yourself for the pending zombie apocalypse, only you can't kill the people around you that are trying to suck your soul from your body and render you a member of the undead....unfortunately. So, like all good law students, I'm sure you want to be ready, and I've prepared a list to ensure that you remain one of the living. Ready yourself....

1) Devise a plan: you know yourself. You know your capabilities. Don't plan for being able to do shit that is obviously beyond your capabilities. If you are slow, prepare your car should you need to get the fuck out of Dodge. If you are stupid, simplify your outline.

2) Stockpile a food arsenal. A week before final exams (which coincides nicely with Thanksgiving in the fall semester, just so you know), prepare about three freezable meals. Put those bitches in single serving tins (makes about 12-15 meals) and freeze them. Or just go to the grocery store and buy 15 boxes of Hot Pockets, 5 frozen pizzas, and ten gallons of Red Bull.

3) Buy dry shampoo: No matter if you are killing zombies or slaying finals, you are going to want to appear clean....even if you aren't. I recommend at least three cans of dry shampoo, a light body mist (NOTICE I SAID LIGHT), breath mints, and a prescription strength deodorant. Even if you are dead doesn't mean you have to smell like you are.

4) Important documents: even the CDC has recognized the possibility of a ZA. They recommend getting all your important documents together, and I couldn't agree more. This means you need a copy of your school id, the outlines you can actually bring in to tests, your study aids, and blue books, should you be a handwriter.

5) Medications: if you are on ANY prescription drugs (e.g. birth control, adderall, narcotics, or Viagra) be sure to have these prescriptions filled before the end of the semester craziness ensues. Trust me, you don't want to need your Viagra and not have it.

6) Preventative supplies: your immune system is down; you are surrounded by sick people; you are probably going to get sick. Buy zinc, the only thing proven to shorten a common cold, AND USE IT. Get some Advil (which you can take with alcohol--you can't drink with Tylenol, btw) for the head/backaches you're likely going to encounter. For that matter, buy some booze too. You know what they say....an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

7) Earplugs: you surprisingly don't see this on many lists. I say surprisingly because you are obviously going to need to muffle sounds--the sounds of fellow students or the sounds of gunfire as you're plowing down zombies. Duh.

8)   Adequate weaponry: this can be combined with your important documents, but there's so much more that can go with your weaponry. May I suggest your killing theme song (my personal choice being "Bohemian Rhapsody"), your highlighters, outlines you've managed to procure from people indubitably smarter than you, and dollars for snack machines?

9) Your "wolfpack": I'm with Zack Galifianakis on this one. You need your wolfpack--this doesn't mean you have to study with them, but it's always nice to have someone to accompany you as you drink yourself into oblivion. Also, they may be able to provide you with outlines, and they'll have your back (hopefully--I've got doubts about fellow law students, to tell the truth) should a zombie sneak up on you.

10) Avoid large groups of people: you can never be sure which of these people is waiting to morph into a zombie. And by zombie, I mean the asshole who starts bemoaning the upcoming exam, or mindfucking you into believing the exam you just took may have anally had you. It's also harder to study with large groups of people, and you tend to go out and drink as a reward for a half hour of "studying."

Do you have any tips for surviving the upcoming apocalypse?

Law school finals: take only as directed

We are rapidly approaching finals times. And everywhere, you will hear law students bitching and moaning about these upcoming tests. If you have any kind of relationship (father, brother, lover, sister from another mother) with a law student, let me be the first to offer my condolences during this incredibly difficult time.

If you are in a relationship with a 1L and have yet to experience the joy of final exam times, let me tell you: they should come with a warning label. Essentially, law school finals (hereby shortened to LSF) are like a drug with which you have terrible TERRIBLE reactions, even if you aren't technically taking them.

This is what the drug label would look like:

I don't recommend them.

HAPPY FINALS, PEOPLE!!!!

MPRE....in the words of the ever relevant Mortal Kombat, FINISH HER!!!!!!!!

So I'm taking the MPRE this Friday, and haven't done very much in way of studying aside from taking a class in Professional Responsibility. Which I didn't do nearly as well on as I would have hoped. Which is the test I cried over after I finished (you can read about that here). So I may just have a mental block against it. Or maybe I'm just not ethical. Or maybe I think ethicality (call me Palin, cause I just made up a word) can be summed up in one sentence: if you have to question whether it's ethical or not, it isn't. And if you're just not a very ethical person and don't pause to consider the ramifications of you actions, KARMA will get around to you.

Isn't that so much easier than requiring me to sacrifice a few hours of a perfectly good Friday to take this test? And sacrifice even more days hours trying to cram a bunch of wacky rules into my already packed brain?

Not to mention weathering the ramifications of potential flashbacks due to my overwhelmingly negative experiences with this subject?

I should sue for intentional infliction of emotional distress.

Leav-aaaaaannnnnnn on a jet plaaaaaaannnnneeeee

So yeah, don't know if you have heard, but I'm going on vacation. And it's kinda a big deal. Five fun-filled amazing days full of roller coasters, tasty pool-side beverages, sand between my toes, and rocking some of my new vacay wardrobe........oh yeah, and chilling with Leonidas. ;)

I've been packing for the better half of six hours. I laid out precise wardrobe pairings. I changed them. I fretted. I clucked. Then I put ALL OF THEM on my carry-on bag. And it all fit. All ten pairs of shorts. And gazillion shirts. And dresses. And even my heels. I'm already feeling a sense of incredible accomplishment and I haven't even left yet.

On the other hand, I went to the donut shop today and my total was $6.66....so I tipped $1.11 and brought it to $7.77. NOTHING WILL RUIN MY DAY/VACAY. (Even superstition.)

Any suggestions while in Orlando?

I'm a bad influence

A friend of mine who I've keyed into my super secret identity has decided to spend some of his valuable time procrastinating, and just upgraded my banner at the top of the page. Apparently, his pen is way cooler than mine (and I have to admit his lines are cleaner). To add insult to injury, he used a free program. So, Mr. Z (as I shall call him): thank you.

As an aside to break up the whole studying thing, apparently technology has gone one more step to show its undying hatred for me: the hard drive recommended to me by the technology guys at my school is for DESKTOPS. Mr. Technology Guy, you are hereby demoted to my shit list. Not only am I out $45, but I'm also forced to look at a hard drive that is thicker than the WHOLE of my computer (because I can't just throw away the hard drive). (And I'm not the idiot here--I still have the print off showing the EXACT same hard drive I'm currently staring at.)

It's time for a run for supplies. I'm running low on the necessaries (no, not the "law school" necessaries of booze and cigarettes--the "gamer-friendly" necessaries of cheetos, gatoraid, and "5 hour energy").

So for the time being, may the force be with ME, and may you have more success at life than I currently am....

New Format....a HUGE form of procrastination

I just updated my blog, so enjoy. This was a lot harder than I anticipated, as I created my banner by myself (and methodically eliminated the backgrounds on each individual piece you see placed on it).

I have no more energy/time to write a blog today. I must study. (And freak out.)

But mostly study....

(I think)

Doing anything but studying

Over the years I have come to the conclusion that my procrastination skills are quite good. Law school has done wonders at honing these life skills. Take today, for example: woke up; spoke on the phone; played on the internet; ate; napped; played on the internet; cleaned my house; watched part of a movie; spoke on the phone; played on the internet; ate. Are you sensing a theme? Now if only I could figure out a career where I play on the internet, talk on the phone, and take long naps, I'll be set! (Unfortunately, being an infant does not count as a career.)

I'm also an old lady. Demonstration:

**On the phone with my mother**
Mother: You're a shut in.
Me: Just because I can't go on vacation with you doesn't mean I'm a shut in!
Mother: You're an old lady. All you need is a cat and you can retire in peace.
Me: I am not an old lady! I lead an active and productive life!
Mother: Your thermostat is set to 72, you walk around your house wrapped in a blanket, and you nap more than any person your age should.
Me: Yeah, I totally was napping earlier when you called and I told you I was studying.
Mother: I rest my case. You are a granny.

Granted, I do participate in all the things she mentioned above. I do love naps. I may keep my house at a sub-tropical temperature. But by God, I'm not a fan of cats and I work REALLY hard during the week procrastinating so I can sleep on the weekends.

A crazy bird lady, though...that's a role I may eventually be willing to play.