Joan Rice as Maid Marian

This is an excerpt from ‘And The “Reel” Maid Marian’, a paper by Sherron Lux on the character and role of the various Maid Marion’s on the silver screen over the years. Sherron reaches the conclusion, of course, that Joan Rice’s portrayal of Maid Marian, is one of the best of all time.............

"......Joan Rice’s Marian is vital to Ken Annakin’s 1952 film for Walt Disney, misleadingly called ‘The Story of Robin Hood and His Merrie Men’; it is Marian’s story, as well, because without her, only about half the story would be left. Joan Rice gives us a bright, spunky young Lady Marian, faithful daughter of the Earl of Huntingdon, and loyal friend to her childhood companion Robin Fitzooth (Richard Todd); though he is the son of her fathers head forester, she eventually falls in love with him despite the social barriers. However, Rice’s Marian has a distinctly independent turn of mind. She defies the Queen Mother’s orders and slips out of the castle disguised in a page-boy’s livery, seeking out her friend Robin, who has become an outlaw in Sherwood Forest. Her actions ultimately help prove that Robin and his outlaws are King Richard’s real friends and that Prince John is a traitor. This independent turn of mind in Joan Rice’s Marian stands in sharp contrast to her later and better-known Disney counterpart, the vixen in the popular 1973 animated feature 'Robin Hood' directed by Wolfgang Reitherman. Although beautiful and charming, the vixen Marian is actually a rather passive little lady (again, King Richard’s ward); almost obsessed with marriage and children, she never makes a decision on her own, and the story would work just as well without her. Unlike Rice’s Marian, then, the vixen Marian never claims agency for herself. Perhaps this second Disney Marian is a subtle slap in the face of the women’s movement, which was gaining momentum in the early 1970’s, while Joan Rice’s 1952 Britain-filmed Marian could be depicted as somewhat independent.
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Recently, Disney released the 1952 live-action film in its limited-edition, budget-priced classics series of videotapes, so perhaps more people will get to know Joan Rice’s lively, independent-minded Lady Marian; or perhaps not, as Disney does not spend major advertising dollars on budget-priced limited edition releases."

Sherron Lux


(To see all posts about Joan Rice please click on the label marked 'Joan Rice' in the right-hand panel or below).

Time Magazine 30th June 1952

(Time Magazine, Monday June 30th 1952. Taken from The New Pictures section):

Robin Hood (Walt Disney; RKO Radio) again fights for king, country and fair Maid Marian (Joan Rice) in a first-rate, all-live-action Walt Disney production. This Technicolored version of the old legend is a flavorful blend of fast movement, robust acting and authentic atmosphere, photographed in real English settings.

Robin Hood (Richard Todd) and his merry men in Lincoln green are still roaming the bosky shades of Sherwood Forest, eating sweet venison, quaffing sparkling ale, and speeding their grey-goose shafts with skill and cunning. And when King Richard the Lionhearted (Patrick Barr) goes off to the Crusades, and his villainous brother Prince John (Hubert Gregg) and the scurvy sheriff of Nottingham (Peter Finch) try to usurp the throne, Robin and his men engage these medieval hoods in many a stout bout to the twang of bowstrings and the knock of cudgels.

In the title role, Richard Todd is neither so athletic as Douglas Fairbanks was in 1922 nor so dashing as Errol Flynn in 1938; but he is a bold, bouncing and right jolly fellow, who is more faithful to the "beardless whelp" of tradition than were his screen predecessors. He is surrounded by a group of stalwart character actors: James Robertson Justice as Little John; James Hayter as portly Friar Tuck; Martita Hunt as Queen Eleanor; Elton Hayes as the roving minstrel Allan-a-Dale; Hal Osmond as Midge the Miller; Anthony Forwood as Will Scarlet. Even the production credits have a Robin-Hoodish lilt: Producer Perce Pearce, Director Ken Annakin, Cameraman Guy Green.

Your Review

The recent article was a review in the New York Times of the movie in 1952.

What I would like is a review of this Blog. Up until today there have been 260 visits from people all over the world. So what do you think of this Blog? Have you ever seen the movie? Would you like to see the DVD on worldwide release? Do you like reading the historical facts?

Please let me know in the comment section below.

New York Times Review

New York Times, June 27, 1952

"In presenting his latest picture package at the Criterion—a trio including the feature, The Story of Robin Hood ; the newest entry in the True-Life Adventure series, "Water Birds," and the cartoon short, "The Little House"—Walt Disney is again proving that his organization can provide the variety that is the spice of entertainment. Equally important is the fact that this film tryptych is likely to meet with the tastes of a variety of audiences. "Robin Hood" may not have the adult approach or credibility of "Water Birds," or the youthful charm of "The Little House," but it is an expert rendition of an ancient legend that is as pretty as its Technical hues and as lively as a sturdy Western.

Appropriately enough, the producer thought enough of this centuries-old saga to film it in England, its obvious locale, and with a British cast. His principals, from Plantagenet royalty to outlaw yeomanry, speak dialogue which does not grate on the ear. And, the action—the courtly speeches and romance are kept to a sensible minimum—is robust and fairly continuous.

The tale, for those who have never been to the movies or haven't heard it before, is still as true to form as Robin's fabulous archery. England, with Richard the Lion Heart held captive in Austria and his brother, the treacherous Prince John, mulcting the Midlands, is hardly a merry area. So, Robin again is ensconced in Sherwood Forest with his bold band, robbing "the rich to aid the poor."

This, of course, brings him into constant contact with the dastardly Sheriff of Nottingham and an occasional rendezvous with the Maid Marian, an ever-loving wench who can recognize a hero when she sees one. And, with the aid of such stalwarts as Little John and Friar Tuck, it is no time before Prince John's coffers are emptied to ransom Richard and Robin is rewarded with an Earldom and, naturally, the Maid Marian.

Richard Todd seems rather puny but is agile enough as the most feared long bowman of the greenwood. Joan Rice is pretty and mischievous as the dark-haired Maid Marian. And such veteran British character actors as James Hayter, James Robertson Justice, Peter Finch, Martita Hunt and Hubert Gregg contribute the proper adventurous and villainous assists as Friar Tuck, Little John, the Sheriff, the Queen Mother and Prince John, respectively. They all help to give a shining veneer to what could have been a dull story.

On the other hand, "Water Birds" is an old story in the finest tradition that does nothing to tarnish the reputation gained by the producer with such excellent predecessors as "Seal Island," "Beaver Valley" and "Nature's Half-Acre."

This time, more than a dozen cameramen, in cooperation with the National Audubon Society and the Denver Museum of Natural History, have trained their Technicolor sights on gannets, fairy terns, pelicans, coots, grebes, snowy egrets, flamingos, curlews and other water fowl to come up with a film document which again both educates and entertains. Especially edifying are such slow-motion shots as gannets plummeting from great heights into the waters below and a mating dance of the Western grebe which is as comic as a Chaplin fandango. And the integration of the musical background and the intelligent and humorous narration by Winston Hibler makes "Water Birds" a treat for both the eye and the ear."

A.W.

Walt Disney's 'Story Of Robin Hood' was released in the United States of America on June 26th 1952.

A 'Different' Robin Hood Film

From 'The Disney Films' By Leonard Maltin:

'Having formed RKO-Walt Disney British Productions Ltd and succeeded in filming a most creditable live-action feature, Walt Disney decided to continue making films in England, with Perce Pearce as his producer. They decided to continue in the action-adventure genre and chose Robin Hood.

This time out, in addition to using an all-British crew, Disney hired a British director as well, a young man who had made an impressive start at Rank studios with such films as 'Trio' and 'Quartet', Ken Annakin. At the time he joined the production, some prepatory work had already been done by Disney and Pearce with their cameraman Guy Green and art director, Carmen Dillon. As on 'Treasure Island' three seperate shooting units were established, one doing action work on exterior location and two doing interiors at Denham Studios. Disney spent part of the summer in England working closely with Annakin. The director recalls
"I remember talking about the original Errol Flynn 'Robin Hood' and I looked at it, just to get an idea what had been done before, because I never like to do anything twice. Walt didn't seem very worried about seeing the original and in fact I doubt he ever did. His approach is always that the film is a Disney picture and therefore, because of his attitudes and his approach, the picture is bound to be different from anything else made on that subject before."

That is exactly what happened of course, the Disney film adheres to the Robin Hood legend, yet it is a work unto itself. One is hard pressed to make comparisons between the Disney Robin Hood and earlier versions, not because one is better than another, but simply each one is different.
This is an extremely 'good looking' film as well. The locations are beautiful with lush green countrysides, the sets are truly formidable and realistic. The seemingly effortless pacing and knowing use of camera angles and cutting is doubly impressive when one considers certain background facts. For instance, Annakin has vivd memories of the difficulties in shooting Technicolor at that time.

"It was the very elaborate three-strip system with a very immobile camera. When you wanted to reload the camera in it's very heavy blimp, you had to have it lifted on chains and it took the first-class technicolor crew a minimum of eleven minutes to reload the camera. After every single shot the camera had to be opened and the gate had to be examined; the prism was the great thing because this was the light splitter which gave the registrations on the three strips. For this reason, if you were making a big picture like 'Robin Hood' you had to be very certain you were not wasting set-ups or wasting shots because it was a big industrial process every time to set up your camera"

The use of story boards was new to Annakin, "but it appealed to my logical brain very, very much" and prompted ingenious scenes such as the first meeting between Prince John and the Sheriff after King Richard has lefy, played on the balcony of the castle against a brilliant but ominous orange sky at sundown.
Time has been kind to the film, as so many inferior films in this genre have followed it: today it seems better than ever.

Disney's 'Robin Hood' strikes a happy medium, leaning heavily on strong characterisations but placing them against a colorful and sumptuous tableau that gives the film a fine period flavor.'

What I Bought 3/15/06

Screw introductions. Four books, spoilers ahead, BEWARE!

Annihilation: Prologue - I wasn't even planning to buy this, but I was trying to skim it, and Ken was trying to get me involved in a conversation about baseball, and I'd already snapped at him once in the five minutes I'd been there, so I figured it'd be best to just buy it and get out before I really made an ass of myself. The saving grace for this book? The nice little entries at the end explaining the Nova Corps, and relative locations of the major space empires, and so on. Because I have no clue what the hell the "Kyln" is or where it is relative to Nova Corps headquarters. I didn't even know the Nova Corps had headquarters.

So weird bug ships show up. Between this and Ultimate Extinction what's with the bug ships? Why not ships that look like penguins? The bug ships appear, lay waste to the Kyln, attack Nova Corps, and keep rolling. Meanwhile, Ronan is being arrested, Super-Skrull is infiltrating, Silver Surfer is, um chilling out, and Thanos is just watching all this. Personally I can't see Thanos sitting back and letting the big baddy - who is revealed at the end, but I won't ruin it - wipe out all life. That's Thanos' job. And when the hell did Death become a small, gothic child? She used to be an adult in a purple cloak.

I did not like the art, it felt kind of, well "muddled" is the best word I can use. Is this the same person who drew that Avengers storyline where She-Hulk destroyed a town? I think as far as the other titles for this "event" go, I'm probably going to take it on a case by case basis. If an issue looks good, fine, I'll buy it, if not, well, it's not like this is going to change things in any significant way, just like always. 3 out of 5.

Teen Titans Annual #1 - Look at that cover. Diana's about to castrate Connor isn't she? And has Wonder Girl always had that little star in her navel? It seems so, trashy.

Yet again we flashback to Conner's beatdown from Whiny Superboy, Killer of Unloved Titans. Then Luthor starts monolouging. The Titans barge in, and Luthor mouths off a bit before leaving. So the rest of the team -what's left anyway - heads to Bludhaven. Their rescue efforts are less than coherent. Was this a commentary on Hurricane Katrina relief efforts? The heroes are utterly confused as to who can do what (Metamorpho can't make water), and where people who can make water (Firestorm) are, demonstrating that someone needs to step up and start giving orders. The Society is also there trying to collect Chemo, but the four of them get beat down by Robin and Superman. Tim mouths off to Superman (everybody is really mouthy in this issue), and Superman agrees to play figurehead so everyone will follow the smartest hero present - that'd be our boy Tim - as he gives them marching orders. Hmm, maybe he should have put out that call for heroes in Infinite Crisis #5 instead of Nightwing?

You may notice I've ignored the main crux of this: Cass and Conner's night for luvvvv. Well, what do you want me to say? There was reminiscing, there were laughs. Conner reveals he figured out telescopic vision while moping on the farm. Then he reveals more. Then Cassie does the same. Cue Barry White. And the Kents took it all in stride. 3.5 out of 5.

Ultimate X-Men #68 - Oh bloody hell, they're getting set to kick the Phoenix Saga into full swing. Get to crash positions! I also get the distinct feeling that Jean Grey is messing with a whole bunch of people's minds these days. Nick Fury was acting really weird. Perhaps the new arrival is part of some greater plan the Phoenix has?

I will admit that I don't know the origin for the Phoenix Force in the Marvel Universe. Still, I'm not sure it could be much dorkier than the Ultimate version. Didn't I see this in one of those "Earth X" series? I'm wonder if it means something that Rogue found it so simple that she and Bobby would be back together, while Bobby seemed unsure of where they went from here. It could be some part of whatever's left of Gambit, who seems to be asserting an influence if that "You're such a loser line" is any indication. Or maybe Rogue was supposed to be joking. If so, the artist did a crap job of depicting it.

I can't say I will buy this book next month. I mean it just can't be good when I'm more interested in what appears to be the beginnings of Ultimate X-23 than I am in the storyline approaching. I guess we'll see. 2 out of 5.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #6 - Hmm, I think Peter David is still missing that the word "friendly" is in the title.

Pro:A wrestling match between Spider-Man and some masked wrestler, with Jameson donating 1 million dolars to charity? That's alright.
Con:The loser gets unmasked in front of everyone? Not so much.
Pro:Flash Thompson is back rooting on his hero Spider-Man? That's cool.
Con:Flash Thomspon is back to being Peter Parker's personal bully? Eh, not so much.

I preferred a Flash that had grown out of that, had become someone that could confide in Peter, and maybe have Peter confide in him. Peter is sorely lacking in friends who don't dress in stupid costumes. That's been the case to some extent since Howard Mackie moved aside for JMS' "vision". It's really been the case since Paul Jenkins was kicked out, as he was the only one trying to give Peter a personal life. Peter really needs some friends, much like Tim Drake needed some the last year or so in Robin. This appears, at least for right now, to be a missed opporunity. And the Jarvis/Aunt May romance heats up! I'm sure one of this year's Spider-Man annuals will have them consumating it within Edwin Jarvis' broom closet. And now I'm blind.

Should I mention Jameson thought his son was Spider-Man? No Jonah, your son is the one who turns into a werewolf, Aunt May's nephew is the one who dresses in the stupid costume, and swings on webs.

The fight scene wasn't bad. Nice back-and-forth, though I can't tell whether Peter was holding back or not, and I doubt El Muerto is really "the best Logan's ever seen". What, he's never watched himself fight in the mirror? What about Captain America? Or Iron Fist? Shang Chi? And what the heck is the Shroud doing there, besides the obvious answer he had nothing better to do (Note: I'm pretty sure that it's not really the Shroud. Unless it is, and then I totally called it with my ESP, bitches)? 3 out of 5.

What I bought 3/8/06

This. . . was a crappy week for comics. That has been somewhat nullified by the hilarity of watching Ken try to patch up his falling ceiling tiles with duct tape. White duct tape, so that it matches the ceiling. Anyway, two books, spoiler warnings.

Teen Titans #33 - I'm going to change the format for this review. I'll give the score, explain it, and then recap, so you can decide for yourself, because I have a severe bias on this one, OK? Here we go.

0 out of 5. I CAN NOT HANDLE ANYMORE INFINITE CRISIS TIE-IN ISSUES! Would One Year Later hurry up and get here already? I'm about to kill something. Those polar bears and racoons I was ranting about over at 2 Guys Buying Comics are about to be sent DC's way. And you don't want to look out your window and see machine-gun wielding racoons riding in sidecars that are attached to a polar bears' flanks. That's Death right there.

So, this is the follow up to Nightwing's really successful call to arms from Infinite Crisis #5. You know, where he was going to rally all the troops, because people still liked him, as opposed to that prick of a mentor he had? Yeah, that. So he and Superboy are ready to go to work. Nightwing sports an older outfit - with glider wings - and Superboy is still reeling from the ass-kicking Whiny-Bitch Superboy gave him. I say Harley Quinn and Plastic Man have a better chance of stopping Alex Luthor, but no one asked me.

So they're heading north, and we get lots of inner monologue about how neither one really understands the other, which is eventually resolved by talking about their lives. We don't see most of this; we just get the part where Superboy outlines the problems he's having working with Nightwing, and some dorky thing where the crystal Luthor gave Conner "reacts to emotional memories". The actual conversing/understanding is dealt with in one panel as they continue to fly north. Ugh.

I suppose this is meaningful because each one tries to live up to a hero. While Conner is still struggling to move out of Superman's shadow (and away from Luthor's I suppose), Grayson has gotten out from under the shadow of the Bat. He's at the stage Superboy wants to reach. Good luck with that, kid. Can't see DC Editorial letting it happen. At this moment, I can't say how long this book has post-OYL before I drop it. Probably three months. By that time, I'll know what DC has done with Cassandra Cain, and depending on the answer, I may want nothing to do with DC anyway.

Ultimate Spider-Man #91 - The start of a new arc. Will it be good? Who knows. Kitty helps Peter catch a criminal. A lame-wigger-wannabe version of the Ringer. He's defeated and made fun of by Kitty, as is her right. She also learns that in Spider-Man's world, cops are to be avoided, lest you get arrested. See that's the great thing about this relationship, they're learning new things. In the X-Men, you don't worry about getting arrested, because the cops are running from the "mutie freaks" along with everyone else.

Because it's a Bendis book, there is talking. Kitty needs a codename to go with the outfit, since she wants to date Peter publicly, and Shadowcat dating Peter Parker and helping Spider-Man will tip off the three people in the world (Aunt May, Jameson, and that dude in Tibet) who haven't figured out Peter is Spider-Man. Anyway, the codename. Just call her "Sprite". It's got mainstream Marvel history, and sure it's lame, but with that outfit what does she expect? Kitty also tries to get Peter to tell Aunt May he's Spider-Man. After Aunt May's recent outburst about Spider-Man, Peter is a little reluctant.

Kitty catches a remote-controlled jet to the X-mansion, and gets ambushed. Peter swings back by, sees another jet there, hops in, and goes to the X-Mansion. This is where that learning thing I mentioned comes in. See, Peter's about to learn that when you're school doubles as your home, it's just that much easier for you to get attacked by crazy people. There, he once again shows a remarkable ability to forget that the buzzing he gets in his skull is a signal to get the hell away, right now! We see Deadpool, and a bunch of people that. . . I have no idea who these losers are. Some Ultimatized versions of lameass giant '90s X-crossover cannon fodder, I suppose.

That being said, this could be good. I'm hopeful this isn't going to cause a breakup of Peter and Kitty, but will continue the relationship, and maybe convince Peter that Aunt May needs to know where the heck he is at night. If nothing else, the challenge of writing two characters with the naturally chatty tendencies of Spider-Man and Deadpool may cause Bendis' brain to short out. Then we'd get a book of nothing but fight scenes, drawn by Mark Bagley! Horrors! Or, Bendis would have to write fewer books to compensate. Might I suggest letting go of New Avengers, Mr. Bendis? 3 out of 5.

What I Bought 3/1/06, Part 2

In case you haven't seen it yet, the first three reviews are the post just below this one. Two other things quickly. Marvel, please stop putting posters for Neopets:The Darkest Faerie in my comics. Advertisements I can handle, the posters are annoying. Second, all I'll say on Infinite Crisis #5 is that my lone prediction for it was off by 10 pages. Spoiler warnings folks, as we move into the next three books, that for whatever reason didin't grab me as strongly as the first three.

The Punisher #31 - So we start a new arc. Let me say first, I'm glad they at least mentioned the Anti-Punisher Task Force set up in the last arc. Even if it was a sham, made by a guy under the control of Romanian slave traders, the police wouldn't have dropped it, even with the sudden death of that cop. So to see it mentioned, nice. Not so nice is Goran Parlov's art. It's not bad, but after Fernandez' work in the last two arcs, it doesn't quite match up. It has a slightly more cartoon feel, or at least less gritty, which worked very well for Frank Castle.

The plot? Frank Castle kills some coke dealers. Big surprise, except he saved someone's life while doing so. This doesn't seem like much of a surprise either. Frank often seems to get mixed up in these larger incidents because he saved someone while doing his killing. Well, he saves the guy from more rape, and the guy seems to take it rather well. By which I mean, he's not hysterical, or really in tears or anything. He seems much more concerned about Frank leaving him there to let the cops help him. Frank, while enjoying a burger (could I eat meat if I frequently turned people's faces into something resembling hamburger?), sees a news report about the incident, recognizes someone in the background, and decides he better help that guy out after all. Which means Mr. Castle is going to the police station. Remember kids, cops don't like it when you toss grenades around in their precinct. All this was mixed in with an apparently very rich man, talking to a subordinate who was apparently responsible for Stephens being in the position to be saved by the Punisher. Clearly this rich man will be dead by the end of this arc, which I'm sure will cause problems for Frank Castle. 3 out of 5, because it didn't really grab me.

Spider-Girl #96 - So, like I said last month, Kaine's attempt to protect Spider-Girl from the Brotherhood of Scriers, has ended up putting a target on her back. Way to go there big fella, the Parker luck is strong in this clone. May is also trying to deal with school at the same time. She runs into the guy she used to have a crush on, until she found out he was a mutant-hating bigot. Apparently, that's a turnoff (am I using apparently too much?). Coach Flash Thompson wants May to rejoin the basketball team, but May still thinks it's wrong to use her powers against normal people, so she can't. That gets Felicity Hardy, daughter of Flash and Felicia Hardy and the current Scarlet Spider, on her case, because her dad's jobs in trouble. Oh yeah, Normie Osborn is now flaunting the fact he has the Venom symbiote in front of federal agents. Brilliant. Normie is worrying me more all the time.

On her way to the hospital* (*her friend Moose's dad got injured in the fight last issue - CoolMint Calvin) she get jumped by a Scrier. He's supposedly just testing her, but when she whups his butt, he immolates himself. Sore loser Buddhist wannabe. This book marches towards the end, and though there were some nice moments, it still feels like set-up for next month. Which is what I said last month. Bad DeFalco! 2 out of 5.

X-Factor #4 - This wraps up the initial case the crew was working on. The answer to the case of "the dead girl in the movie star's bed" is solved, thanks to Monet's. . . telepathy. *Sigh* Have I mentioned in the last week that I hate how many telepaths there are at Marvel? Monet can fly, has superstrength, and invulnerability, does she need telepathy? She's like Power Girl, minus the heat vision, plus an aggravating attitude. I get that it's an act, or at least that's the feeling I get later on, but damn. She could tone it down a bit. She seems to have a pretty biting wit, but she's needlessly cruel at times. Maybe she needs a lesson in boundaries?

Admist this, I get the impression Jamie Madrox is a severe danger to everyone, as it appears that one of Jamie's duplicates has been reading Jake's posts because he makes a rather bold proclamation at one point. Meanwhile, Siryn helps Guido and Rahne get the point across to the cops. What was the point? We're the force here, back the fuck off. The cops, to their credit, get the message, though they'd have to be deaf to have missed it. Of course, they probably are deaf now. . .

Oh yeah, and Layla Miller's creativity and dark sense of humor continue to amuse me. I know some people don't like her, because she was a plot device for House of M, but seeing as I mostly ignored that, I'm perfectly OK with her, especially as Peter David is doing some interesting things with her. The really funny thing to me is that she and these Singularity people seem to be working towards a similar goal, though they may not realize it. Layla has to keep X-Factor from figuring out why mutants got depowered, Singularity wants to stop Madrox from undoing the depowering. yet their guy was ready to kill her. Funny stuff. So between the resolution of a case, and a nice set-up for next month, I'll give this a 4 out of 5.

What I Bought 3/1/06, Part 1

Well, getting 76% on my American Urban History quiz only partially dampened my spirits. A week of six comics that came off feeling average, that didn't help. Anyway, I've noticed I have a tendency to ramble in these things, and that leads to really long posts, so I'm going to post three reviews now, the rest later tonight. So here we go spoiler warnings as always.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #5 - I had this feeling that Peter David was the person writing the Spider-Man books that I could count on for something lighthearted. I don't know why that would be, especially when the Peter David Spider-Man story I know best is "The Death of Jean DeWolf", which is about as unlighthearted as you can get. Suffice to say, this issue was not all that lighthearted, at least not to me.

On a certain level, a story about a person so full of themselves that they believe four encounters with Spider-Man spread out over almost 4.5 years (based on the assumption of one blog post per day, and yes, I took the time to figure that on a calculator) would mean Spidey was stalking them, could be amusing. But with the way David writes it, she's a person who's home life clearly damaged them, to the point she wants no actual human contact (note she won't shake people's hands, keeps them across her chest to ward people off), just admiration and desire from afar, is just depressing. I get that it's a comparison, that this person let some early trauma do this to them, while Peter took his trauma, and used it to make himself a better person, though you could make pretty good case a guy who dresses like a spider and fights people dressed as rhinos is clearly more messed up.

There's one other thing I want to talk about, from the event at the end of the book, but I'll leave that for tomorrow. Ultimately, it's a pretty good story, and now that we're past the stories where someone ate Peter's eyeball, I like the fit of Wieringo's art more. In fact that's probably why I figured the book would be upbeat, his bright, somewhat cartoony style. Well, that and the word "friendly" in the title. 3.5 out of 5.

Ms. Marvel #1 - I like this cover much more than the one I actually have. It's more dynamic than just "Check out how pretty Frank Cho draws her posing!" Well yes, it is pretty, but I knew that already from those two issues of New Avengers. There's some flair to this. Wait, she's going back to "Ms. Marvel"? I've said this before: Between Marvel and DC, there are too damn many people with "marvel" in their codename. Still, I guess "Ms. Marvel" is more friendly sounding to the public than "Warbird". Hmm, I haven't really discussed the book yet.

So, we get a day in the life of Carol Danvers. She saves some kids, and a dude in a truck. That's all good, though that guy was a little too quick to hug her, know what I mean? She pummels lame-ass villain, including some serious payback for a bit of a diss, then goes to meet a publicist. We hear all this as a conversation between Carol and Jessica Drew, who I guess are old friends from S.H.I.E.L.D. I like the interaction here, the sense that Jessica and Carol are old friends, by the fact that Jessica knows when Carol is b.s.ing, and asks if the "be the World's Greatest Hero" thing is a "Carol-thing". I've asked that question of some of my friends from time to time. I have no idea if this friendship is something real, or if Reed and De La Torre just created it for the purpose of this story.

Anyway, I was pretty happy with this, though there are some things I'm going to be discussing later this week about this issue. Stuff happened, and it looks like more stuff is going to happen in the next issue. Good. I will say Palmiotti needs some work on faces that aren't masked. Jessica and Carol's faces looked kind of odd at times, but this might be because Palmiotti was giving some signs of these being "mature" women, who would have experienced aging, and thus might not have the flawless faces I'm used to seeing in comics. So maybe it's me.

One last thing: Jessica points out Carol at one point stopped the sun from exploding, as proof that Carol is big-time (How many Avengers can say that? Not the Sentry, for damn sure). Carol's rebuttal is she spent the next six months sitting on the couch, eating ice cream and watching movies. You know what? If I ever save the Sun from exploding, you better believe that I would spend the next several months sitting on a couch watching TV (or else I'd be trying to use the "You know, I saved the Earth" line on the ladies). In fact I might spend the rest of my life on the couch. Screw it. I did my bit for the world. I guess that's why I don't get super-powers, or a comic book. 4 out of 5.

New Excalibur #5 - Wow, even with only three reviews, this is gonna be long. Hmm, so the team, which still isn't a team, is scattered throughout London. Sage and Pete Wisdom fend off Warwolves. Did they get interrupted in the middle of some freaky-freaky, or does Wisdom always look that rumpled? Dazzler, Juggernaut and Nocturne do the same elsewhere, and Brian Braddock is trying to deal with a very pissed off Lionheart. It appears the team finally forms at the end, and much to my despair, Lionheart isn't on the roster. I didn't really expect it, but I was hopeful. Worse, she seems to be an adversary (more on her role, again later in the week). Bugger Claremont, what are you doing to me here?

I do like the fact that Claremont seems to be building plots for the future, while remembering that people would like to see something happen in the "now". What a concept! Are you taking notes Mr. Bendis? On the whole, I like Steven Cummings art. However, I'm not feeling his physical confrontations. When it comes to depicting someone taking a severe hit, he just doesn't depict it consistently well. I'm still trying to figure out what Lionheart did that sent Captain Britain flying through a vehicle and a wall. I recognize she dodged his lunge, and put a knee in his gut, then I think she kicked him, it's just a bit unclear to me. Like I said, I mostly like his work, there are just a few quibbles. 3.5 out of 5.

I'll put up the other three tonight. The Punisher, Spider-Girl, X-Factor.

What I Bought 2/22/06

It's a little later than normal, but it's been a bit of a hectic day. So here we go, four books, spoiler warnings, yadda, yadda, etc.

Wolverine #39 - And so we reach part 4 of 5 in this story. I got to admit I was stunned by the realization, mostly because I haven't felt like much was happening. And for the second month in a row, I finished reading the book with a sense that it hadn't been finished. Like there were supposed to be more pages this month. I don't know why that would be, the issue ended in a perfectly logical place. Maybe it's because there hasn't been much dialogue, I guess I've grown used to Bendisian yak-fests.

Anyway, Wolverine is hunting for Bucky. I refuse to call him Winter Soldier. I swear that is the stupidest name ever. This has lead him to Bucky's current stomping grounds, which is apparently the nation formerly known as Yugoslavia. Hmm, when dealing with a character with the repuation Bucky has apparently gained (in his universe, not ours) over the last fifty years or so, I would think it would be a mistake to go after the guy on his turf. But the only other option is to draw him to yours, and I doubt Logan could devise a way to do that, so here they are in Belgrade.

The fight between the two is actually kind of sporadic. It starts and stops for various reasons. But there is a sense of brutality in the fight. This isn't too much about flashy moves and ninja tricks. Nope, nobody here is using salad bowls to cross moats, although we do learn that covering yourself in ink is an easy way to hide from enemies, with no short-term health ramifications. Where was I? Oh yeah, the fight. So it's kind of an ugly fight, mostly cheap shots. And at the end, we find out why Logan is so eager to get after Bucky. And it isn't because Buck helped him escape from Department K. I would say I'd be looking forward to next month, if I thought there was any chance Editorial would let James Howlett knock off Cap's "little buddy". Still, I'm hopeful there'll be some sort resolution that evryone can be happy with. Maybe Howlett could castrate Bucky. Not a bad issue, so 3.5 out of 5.

Ultimate Spider-Man #90 - Things I learned in this issue: It's hard to leave S.H.I.E.L.D. (without dying). Silver Sable doesn't like it when you kill her soldiers. If you fire a person, they may put a former espionage agent in a high tech suit and send him to kill you. Nick Fury likes to watch people have bad days. Nick Fury is planning to make Peter's life harder in the near future. Nick Fury is a manipulative asshole. OK, I knew that already. I did learn that Peter really needs to kill everyone in the Ultimate Universe. Seriously, beat Gah' Lak' Tus to it. When even Cyclops is laughing at a crappy made-for-TV movie that involves you, it's time to start breaking some necks.

But that's just silly. Peter wouldn't do that. Even though he probably wishes he was back to just being hated and accused of being a multi-armed freak, as opposed to being laughed at. I did enjoy this issue. I may not have indicated that up to this point, but the fight between Peter and Ultimate Vulture was well done. I really like that Vulture suit. I know it isn't original (the Vulture had one like it in Amazing Spider-Man back in the '90s), but damn, I love those feather-blades! Freaking awesome! What can I say, I'm very visually oriented. It seems like quite a lot happened. The Silver Sable thing got resolved, as I believe she'll want to stay far away from Spider-Man and the crap that surrounds his life. We know who was gunning for "Idiot Who Runs Roxxon", we know Nick Fury's got stuff planned. And we know Nick Fury can do entirely too much stuff. Where's the checks and balances people? Stop the reckless theft and appropriation of high tech gizmos by one-eyed men! 5 out of 5.

Exiles #77 - Man, the Squadron Supreme are everywhere these days. You've got Supreme Power, which is just Ultimate Squadron Supreme, and a few of them have been popping up in New Thunderbolts. And now this. I'm not sure whether this is a good thing or not.

The good thing here is that with a new team member (Miguel O'Hara, aka Spider-Man of 2099), they have to explain things to him, which helps newbie reader (i.e, me) catch up. I find out why exactly the Exiles had been jumping around from reality to reality (fixing damage done by the weird bug guys in the Crystal Palace), and that chasing Proteus around isn't part of that, and that the Exiles have screwed things up in the last two universes they visited.

Anyway, Proteus helps the Squadron out of a jam, and uses Mimic's memories to convince the Squadron he's on their side, and the Exiles are dangerous loose cannons. Which is true to an extent. They run around, altering realities, and from the view of the people in those universes, it may not be for the better. Right about then, the Exiles catch up, and we get the misunderstanding brawl, as Proteus bails to another reality. Hmm, the Squadron is essentially the JLA (a good version, not the crap they trotted out there the last few issues). The Exiles biggest gun is, Sabretooth? Longshot? Yeah, that'll end well for the title characters.

So, they're in deep stuff. I mean Proteus would be hard to stop on most any day. But now he has the Hulk 2099 body (supposedly more powerful than current Hulk), so he doesn't even need to use his powers. I am very happy with this book so far. There was talking, fighting, potentially some set-up for long standing problems, and this book still has a letter column! Hell yes! 5 out of 5.

Amazing Spider-Man #529 - I'm a little concerned about where that stinger thing between his legs is coming from. OK, cheap joke over. So Peter goes out to fight some crime, that's nice. And Tony Stark is still a voyeur, I mean an eagle statue with communication devices in the Parker's bedroom? Freak. They should have had him putting the moves on MJ, not Logan. Tony explains why there was no evidence of Mary Jane's arm having been broken by Morlun in any of the later issues of "The Other". I wonder whether that was actually planned, or if the artist for Marvel Knights Spider-Man screwed up, and they just decided "Screw it. For the rest of this her arm looks normal. When it's over, JMS will have Stark give some goofy-ass answer as to why." Peter does a nice job of saving a hostage, and the cops take advantage of the situation to scare the crap out of the criminals. At the end, Tony (and his gigantic forehead) offers to make Peter his protege. This has bad idea written all over it. I don't mean for the writers, I mean for Peter. Tony is telling Peter, "I can't tell you what it is I need you for, until you take a blood oath to not tell anyone else about what it is that I'm going to use you for. That includes Captain America." There's no possible way that can be a good thing. Peter should just say no thanks, and if Tony is angered by this, then give back the costume, so you don't feel you owe him anything.

Oh yes, the costume. I haven't really discussed it in this review. Here's my take: It's hideous. Spider-Man does not need a suit with all sorts of goofy crap in it. He is not a normal human like Tony Stark. He has spider-powers, powers which have enabled him to beat almost every villain in the Marvel Universe at some time or the other. All Peter needs is his web-shooters (I still don't see how he can use organic web-shooters if he has gigantic stingers popping out of the same location), and a costume that doesn't interfere with his powers. reed Richards could make that in like three minutes, and it would probably look much better. Fortunately, Peter is going to come to his senses in the next few months and dump this thing, so I'm prepared to accept it as just another mistake Peter makes, like that time he teamed up with the Fabulous Frog-Man. And now I will speak of it no more. 3 out of 5.

What I Bought 2/15/06

Only two books this week. One of those is Batgirl #73, the final issue of the series. I will be spoiling parts of it. If that is a problem, skip down to my other review, and I'll do my best not to give anything away in any other posts until at least Sunday. OK?

Batgirl #73 - Let's just pause a moment, give people time to scroll down past this review. So how's your week going? In the labs I teach, they're learning about bacteria this week. So they got to play with fire! Fun! OK, that should be long enough.

Cassandra isn't dead. I can't express how happy I am. I'm sure DiDio can't either, since this means I won't be jamming a rabid weasel down his espohagus. We do get to find out the whole story behind Cassandra's conception in two parts. First, a little discussion Cass has with Spoiler on the Other Side, where Cassandra also learns the fate of Bludhaven. Second, from Lady Shiva herself.

Anyway, Shiva wants to have it out with Cassandra once and for all, to really see if she and Cain succeeded in their attempt. She raises something interesting when she points out all these gadgets that are in Cass' belt, all from Batman, and Cass uses almost none of them. It reminded me of when she came to Bludhaven, she teamed up with Robin. At one point, he brings out a thermal sensor, and Cassandra wonders if she even has one of those. The gadgets, weapons, tricks that are part of being in the Bat-family, just don't fit with her.

Anyway, Cassandra and Shiva do battle, it goes all the way, and Cassandra moves on. I'm not sure what role she's going to fill now. A member of the Birds of Prey seems unlikely, and to an extent, I could see her becoming DC's version of the Scourge, or a version of the Red Hood that doesn't, you know, suck. She's crossed that line, knowingly, and she can't ever go back again. So I'm intrigued. In this context, the book ending makes sense; she isn't Batgirl anymore, can't be really. What is she? I have no real idea. Also, I want to say I'm glad Mhan was back on the book with the pencils. He's not the greatest artist, but he's quite good enough, especially since I can actually follow what's going on in the fight scenes. 5 "I'm just so happy she isn't dead" out of 5.

So where was I? Oh yeah, they get to play with fire because you have to heat kill the bacteria. Did you know some yogurt has live bacteria in it? And people eat it that way? What the hell? I'm sure this is where someone points out milk and cheese also have live bacteria in them, and I swear off dairy products. OK, I think we can safely assume people won't be seeing the score and getting the issue spoiled for them that way.

New Avengers #16 - So, almost no appearence of the actual Avengers. It's a prologue, so I can almost cut it some slack. So, apparently the events of the House of M have caused some being to be really powerful. I'm sorry, I thought that was the whole point of X-Men:Deadly Genesis. The guy in that book got all the weird energy that was released by mutants' powers being taken. So what, there's going to be a whole horde of them now? Goddamnit, Marvel just keeps making things worse. The story starts with Tony Stark arguing with Commander Hill, who isn't happy she wasn't informed the Avengers were going public ahead of time. Sure because telling Jameson about it beforehand worked out so well for them last issue. Cue huge new threat.

So SHIELD tries to deal with the threat, which starts in Alaska, and moves into Canada. It smacks around some SHIELD jets (BOOM), and proceeds to annihilate Alpha Flight. Cripes. I swear that Alpha Flight gets less respect than the Great Lakes Avengers.

Thus, Commander Hill is ordered by the President to send in the Avengers, which she really doesn't want to do, seeing as she doesn't like them very much. But, none of the other teams are available, so there you go. For now, I'm going to cut this book some slack, but there had damn well better be some Avengering in the next issue. This book is really on the edge for me right now. I already got Exiles and X-Factor as superior Marvel team books and New Excaliber is right there. Bendis, it's time to earn that check. 3 out of 5.

What I Bought 2/8/06

A question. If I walk out of my apartment, see it's snowing, and my reaction is "Well that's just great! I really wanted snow to make my drive to school more difficult today!", does that mean I'm getting old, or am I just bitter college kids don't get snow days? Anyway, spoiler warnings as always.

Teen Titans #32 - Todd Nauck draws this issue, though Daniel still gets named on the cover. At least that explains why both Superboy's necks looked too long, and Flash had an unusually large upper body. So this is basically the fight from Infinite Crisis #4, drawn out for a whole issue. I suppose it allows for a bit more depth, but really, it's all feels pointless.

On January 17th I made this post asking what you thought Speedy's arrow was. Turns out none of us were right, not even Chris who guessed it was a plot device. Nope, it didn't even work as that. Len at the store realized it was a placeholder arrow. You know, it fills a gap in Speedy's quiver until she needs to put a useful arrow in there, then she gets rid of it. Seriously, how the hell do you even make an arrow that does what it was supposed to? Also, I had no clue what was going on with all the Doom Patrol stuff. Was that making fun of John Byrne or something? Going into One Year Later, I can't say whether I'll continue to buy this book. 2 "I've Seen This Before" out of 5.

Robin #147 - So this is the end of Bill Willingham's run. I wish it had gone better, both this issue and the run as a whole. As it is, there were lots of things I didn't buy in this issue. I like Tim tried to check on Dana and Eddie, but he tried to call Nightwing and called him "burnout". That sounds kind of disrespectful. And getting mad at Beast Boy for making jokes? Tim, that's what he does, if you haven't noticed by now you weren't paying attention. And I'm left with this question: Which Luthor was Tim getting that cure for Connor from? I guess it had to be non-Alexander Luthor, but he's been kind of out of it lately. Not really in any condition to be dropping hints to Tim to help find that base.

If I had to say what bothered me most about this it would be Tim's behavior. In part one, which was good, he was calm, confident, making a plan, and keeping his teammates aware of it, while at the same time demonstrating some emotion, such as his concern for his best friend and letting Wonder Girl pummel the security bots because she needed to let off some steam. This issue, he's cross, snapping at people, having these weird inner monologues about how viciously he and the other Titans are fighting the Brainiac things. In other words, he seemed to go from a well-written Batman, who would be the master sleuth, but still had compassion, to Batman of recent years, who's a humongous jerk. If they're going to turn Tim into Bats, at least don't make it that one. I'll probably read this book at least until this "did Robin kill Batgirl?" story is over, though the obvious answer to that question is "Not on the best day of his life". After that, who knows? 2 out of 5.

Ultimate X-Men #67 - You know what I liked? Colossus trying to get Nightcrawler to relax around him. To stop being so weird just because Peter is gay. I liked his point that Kurt isn't attracted to every girl, and Peter's not attracted to every guy, so they can just be buds. But it wouldn't be that easy in real life, and it isn't here either. For better or worse, Kurt's reaction might mirror mine, not in the sense I'd think the guy was interested in me (I'm realistic about my physical attractivness), but I might be a little confused about how it changes things, if it does, so that resonated.

As for the rest? Well, it's still leaning towards the Phoenix Saga, and I made my thoughts clear about that last month, and nothing's changed. I'm curious about the guy that Nick Fury's getting ready to arrest, though I guarantee Fury's about five seconds from getting his ass kicked, because Ultimate S.H.I.E.L.D. is still worthless.

I am confused as to how absorbing Gambit's power makes Rouge able to touch people safely again. It seems like it should make her not only put you in a coma, but kinetically charge whatever part of you she's touching until it explodes, leaving you an amputee comatose person. But I'm not complaining. While I don't like her as much as Marvel Rouge, I can still be happy for Ultimate Rouge if this lasts. And yes, I'm ignoring Sabretooth's revelation to Wolverine. Gag. 3 out of 5.

Sensational Spider-Man #23 - Formerly known as Marvel Knights Spider-Man. This is it for this book. I haven't really enjoyed it since Millar's opening run, and even that was up and down. Since then, ugh. And this? Note to Angel Medina: Spider-Man and the Vulture should not have back muscles that would make Captain America jealous, ok? The Vulture doesn't get muscles because he flies, because the suit does the work, and Spider-Man is supposed to be lithe, quick, agile.

As for the story, uhm, animals and people are going crazy. Killing themselves, killing others and so on. For some reason this reminds me of the storyline that made me give up Spawn, where the Clown had turned a huge number of people into disciples of a sort, and they were running around acting out their darker impulses, causing chaos. Even in Spawn, where it works, I didn't read it, and I'm not reading it now. I guess I may keep an eye on this book, see if it turns around, but I doubt it will. 1 "It's a Sad Day When I Drop A Spider-Man Book" out of 5.

Ghost Rider #6 - My intial reaction to the ending was that Ennis had angered me to the point this book wouldn't make my Top Three best mini-series of 2005. Then I calmed down, thought about the ending, what it meant to the character, thought about how this is Garth Ennis, and I reconsidered. So, Ghost Rider takes Green Lantern:Rebirth's spot as the second best mini-series of '05, though it's not in the same hemisphere as GrimJack:Killer Instinct.

Anyway, the battle was kind of lackluster, but you had to admire Blaze's determination. He had a goal, and he was going to get it, he didn't care how powerful his opponents were. Ms. Catamint finally realized her boss needed to die, and this she lives out what Homer Simpson called the American Dream. I don't know how that bullet did as much damage to GR as it did, given he came out OK from being hit with a bus. I guess it was consecrated or something. Even though the end was kind of a bummer, I'd say the Rider definitely lives up to his billing as a Spirit of Vengeance. I'd like to see more of him. And Thor. That's not relevant to this, I just wanted to throw that out there. 3.5 out of 5.

I get the feeling Ennis likes to make fun of religion. I don't know, I didn't read any of his stuff before he came to The Punisher.

What I Bought 2/3/06

I know what you're saying. "But Calvin, you already did this on Wednesday. Ah, but these comics hadn't reached the store by then, and now they have, ha ha!"

Finally, after long months of waiting I got the two Bloodrayne one-shots I was waiting for.

I'll pause while most of you leave.

Ok, here we go. I'm probably grading on a curve, to a certain extent, given that we're talking about comics based on a video game character (say, who remembers the Super Mario Bros. comics?). Let's roll.

Bloodrayne: Skies Afire - This one lead to an interesting conversation with Ken. He said, "Did you really want to spend $13.00 on this book?" I kind of got the feeling he didn't think I realized that because it's a limited 2nd printing it would be extra expensive. But I told him that yes, I knew, and I was cool with that. But it lead me to thinking this: When you look at what a comic book really is, in terms of being paper with pictures and words, that tell a story, is any comic really worth $13.00? I say it depends on who you ask. To me, if I want the book, hell yes, it's worth that much. I spent $60.00 on a copy of Amazing Spider-Man #300 (which was really dumb since I could have got it for like $20 less if I'd shopped around a little). To other people, probably not. I suppose if you consider the cultural impact of something like Action Comics #1, what it did propelling superhero comics, which lead to who knows how much economic impact from TV, movies, merchandising, not to mention the sheer amount of time some of us devote to them, then it'd be yes. Anyway. . .

So, the Brimstone Society present Rayne with a mission: Board a German zepplin and terminate a vampire they're transporting to the United States (this is set in 1937). Thus, Rayne boards the flight, and meets a kindly elderly couple and their nephew. So there's some nice character moments, as Rayne spends time with this friendly trio, while trying to conceal that she's a half-vampire, which can be tricky in the daytime. However, the vampire she's here to kill - who also happens to share a father with her - is aware of her presence, and sends one of his soldiers after her. From there, we get plenty of fighting and decapitations as Rayne tries to deal with being ambushed in her suite and destroying her target, while injured and in a zepplin, which had problems with, you know, exploding. That leads to what you might consider an amusing little reveal at the end of the story. At least, I was amused, you might not be.

Steven O'Connell and Jeffrey Stevenson give us a nice story, with some moments that highlight how isolated Rayne feels, what with her father having slaughtered her human family when she was young, all in an attempt to force her to join up with him. You get to see how quickly she takes to this couple that treat her very well, as she's probably lacked for affection for awhile. Still, O'Connell and Stevenson leave plenty of time for Romano Molenaar to draw scenes of great violence, which is of course, a major part of the character. Not that he doesn't do well in the quieter moments, although when drawing someone from a distance, they get a bit lopsided, and he seemed to have some trouble with Rayne's nose, but maybe that's just my opinion.

All in all, bright, vibrant, fun, fast paced, a 4 out of 5.

Bloodrayne: Dark Soul - Fortunately this only cost $4.00 dollars, or I would have questioned if it was worth it. The problem with doing a bunch of one-shots is, that other than the character, the stories have no connection to each other. Each one is basically it's own plot, so it's kind of hard to follow. This time around, Rayne's in a cemetery fighting large horned things (minotaurs?), while she's really looking for a serpent. Some person named Tiger Wraith shows up, Rayne attacks her, then Rayne gets swallowed by the serpent, which is quite large. Wraith damages the serpent, but Rayne's different when she hacks her way out. She's talking about having been imprisoned during "Mage wars" which sounds ancient, but I'm pretty sure Rayne was born in the early 1900s, so I'm guessing this is a suggestion of underhandedness by Brimstone. Then some people who I remember from the game Bloodrayne 2, who I guess I'm going to kill, if I get that far, whatever, they've shown up again. Then more hacking, more slashing.

I felt that the pacing was off, or that they tried to do too much (or maybe I'm too used to Bendis' pace to handle self-contained one issue stories). It feels like between her original mission, this Tiger Wraith showing up, "DarkRayne", and the return of Emphemera, it seemed like too much was going on. They needed to pick one or two and go with them, like maybe just the serpent and DarkRayne, or Tiger Wraith and Emphemera. Doing too much means very little got accomplished. I'm not as pleased with Rob Delatorre's art as I was with Molenaar's. It was alright, but didn't feel like he drew good fight scenes. Maybe it was that they were fighting such large creatures, but there wasn't really of sense of how they were doing the damage they did. Ultimately, it feels like the next one-shot will illuminate what exactly is going on, but it may not. And then I may never know what's going on. I suppose that's the risk of reading comics like this. Still, it was moderately enjoyable, so 2.5 out of 5.

What I Bought 2/1/06

Four books this week, spoiler warnings as usual.

Spider-Girl #95 - So we find out what's up with the caped guy (who Spider-Girl has always called Fred), who keeps screaming that Tony Stark killed Jim Rhodes. We find out what actually happened to Jim Rhodes. We watch as "Normie Osborn wearing the Venom symbiote" Man sprouts extra arms to try (which I guess are just made of the symbiote) and stop the rampaging Fred. We see Tony Stark being a jerk, and telling Spider-Girl she needs to learn to obey orders. The only problem is, Stark ordered her to do something that might have killed Fred. And we all know how the Spider-people feel about killing.

Oh yeah, we see Kaine pummeling some Scriers because he believes they're going to kill Spider-Girl. DeFalco goes with the classic "We didn't even know about her until now, but maybe we can use her against you" joke, as it appears that Kaine attempting to help has actually made things worse. Yep, he's got Parker's genetics alright. This wasn't a bad issue. There was some teamwork between the old Avengers and the new ones, some action, with a bit of human interest. In fact, I think the single biggest thing that bothered me was Fred saying "oops" on the cover. That just seemed dorky. Other than that, there's just this feeling that this was sort of a setup for the big finale. 3.5 "Here Comes Something Big, I Hope" out of 5.

With the news this book is being cancelled at #100 I wonder whether DeFalco had enough warning to put together a nice ending to the run, or whether he's continuing at the pace he had set, banking on the book being saved again by the fans. Honestly, I don't know why they seem so deadset on cancelling this book. I know it's been sitting at about #125 on IcV2's Top 300 List for the last two months, but you'd think they were making enough money off idiots like me who buy the vastly inferior Spider-Man books to let this one keep going along, selling 17 to 18 thousand books a month.

X-Factor #3 - This book had two legitimately cool moments, one is Layla Miller dealing with the agent from Singularity that's inside their offices. It wasn't a David Campbell "F--- Yeah" moment, but I did get a good laugh out of it. The other was Madrox commenting that it's very hard for him to tell which memories are his, and which are from stuff his duplicates did. It's the sort of thing I've thought about before, starting with the time paradox from Stephen King's Dark Tower series. If there was more than one of you running around, and then you merge back together, how do you keep straight which one did what, and do memories that occured simultaneously clash with each, causing insanity?

Meanwhile, Madrox and Siryn run into problems trying to get evidence to clear their client, Guido and Rahne try to break up a bunch of people - who might as well be wielding torches and pitchforks - who want to attack mutants, especially those without powers. Losers. And Rictor is still having problems adjusting to being human, which makes sense. With the connection he implied he had with the earth, losing that would be jarring. Again though, I think this book is setting up something large, especially with the revelation Layla had near the end of the issue. 4 out of 5.

Two other things. I've seen a lot of comments that Peter David often hamstrings himself by trying to be too clever. He puts in all sorts of little homages to his friends. As someone who can say he knows nothing about Peter David the person, other than the fact Todd MacFarlane hates his guts, I've been oblivious to this. I mean, Layla constantly saying "I know stuff" seemed silly, but not overly bothersome. Maybe I'm just taking adavntage of being uninformed. I do think I might have caught one. Was "Mr. Vaughn" a tip o' the cap to Brian K. Vaughn, who wrote Ultimate X-Men there for awhile (I think?) Damn. Now I'm going to be looking for these all the time. Crap. Also, while Ryan Sook's fights don't resonate like say, a Bagley's, I LOVE his Wolfsbane. This is how I picture werewolves, as opposed to that srawny rat thing Oz used to turn into on Buffy. And I like that David recognizes that a woman who seems deeply religious, and concerned with Hell, would be a bit bothered that she transformed into a werewolf and proceeded to claw people up.

The Punisher #30 - And so "The Slavers" wraps up. I haven't enjoyed this as much as the previous two arcs. It seems like Ennis threw that whole "the cops are really sore at the Punisher this time" thing in there, but I haven't really believed it. Still, when Frank Castle is holding a gas can on the cover, you know it will end badly for somebody. Anyway, Frank gets after that old man, blows shit up, shoots people, and rescues the girls. Oh yeah, he beats the beejeezus out of the old man, after calling him "coward" to get him to quit hiding behind girls and fight. Nice. By the end, the people behind the whole slavery/prostitution thing have improved their methods, and hidden their locations better. Frank can't finish them, but he knew that already. I liked the panel where Frank says "I knew from the start I'd never put an end to it. No more than I could stop the trade in heroin. or the tide from coming in.The most I could do, I figured, was give them pause for thought." I think it's nice to show Frank is somewhat realistic about this. He can't stop it, but he can do things on a small scale to impede it, and help people. Of course, some of the girls he helped didn't do well. Actually, none of them really do well. 4 out of 5.

To be honest, I'd kind of like to see what Ragnell and Kalinara would say about this. Given there has been a lot of discussion of the use of rape in comics the last couple of weeks, and that was pretty much what this story dealt with. What does it say that a social worker, who is supposedly against killing, gave Frank information so he could kill these traders, because she knew her methods couldn't help the girls that were being used? Me, I'd call it recognizing your limitations, but I'm probably biased. Does the whole issue even apply in a book as absurdly violent as this one?

New Excalibur #4 - I think I've figured out what works for me with team books. Either give me characters I like, or give me characters I haven't really seen enough to know about, but what I do know makes them interesting. Do not give me a team full of characters I hate, because I'll just ignore the book (Grant Morrison's X-Men). That's what's going on here. What little I know about Dazzler, such as her powers, the fact she's a musician, I like. I know less about Nocturne - besides her parentage and that she was with the Exiles - but I'm digging her so far. And I actually liked the Juggernaut as a good guy in Uncanny X-Men. Still, I picked this up because of Kelsey Leigh, aka Lionheart, aka "The one thing Chuck Austen did on Avengers I liked".

I still don't get exactly why choosing the sword instead of the amulet means she can't be with her children ever again, but I can see why she chose the sword. I mean, what's going to do a better job of protecting children, a sword, or costume jewelry? I don't know about you, but I'll take the sharp, pointy thing. Of course some would say I'm a man siding with the phallic symbol, but then what would that mean about Brian Braddock choosing the amulet, and, oh never mind.

So the team still hasn't come together, though Pete Wisdom (again, know nothing about him, but I'm at least intrigued so far) seems to be trying to recruit Sage, Dazzler, Nocturne, Juggernaut. Meanwhile, Captain Britain is apparently very bothered by the fact Meggan is gone (I'm not), and this Courtney person is trying to woo him, I think. And Kelsey feels she got tricked by Captain Britain. I think she's got a point. I mean would it really have mattered which she chose? Why not tell her which one will let her be with her kids? Ah well. And we have a threat attacking pretty much all the people Wisdom wants to recruit. I can't really see why the Warwolves are attacking them, but then I couldn't figure out what was up with the "Dark" X-Men from the first three issues. Still, I'm interested, and will be picking up the next issue, though I doubt that my hopes for Kelsey to be a regular character will be fulfilled. 3 "Where Does Claremont Find These Bad Guys" out of 5.

What I Bought 1/25/06

SEVEN! That's right, seven titles this week. Let me see you tremble in awe, and let me hear the lamentations of your women. Actually, forget lamentations, just send the women hither. Or is it thither? Over this away. Spoiler warnings, because I'm sure there will be some.

Robin #146: Willingham continues Operation: Kill The Clock, and Robin heads to Titans Tower. Meanwhile, Bludhaven goes up in green smoke. However, the Veteran sent units to get Dana Drake and Tim's "Uncle Eddie". My prediction, they're still dead. Call it a hunch, and a lesson to not look through Previews ever again.

So Conner has come down with a mysterious affliciton. It's called "Got Your Ass Whupped By Whiny Superboy-Prime" Syndrome. Anyway, Tim immediately analyzes the problem, and says they need a device Luthor created to counteract it. How does he know Luthor has such a device? Because Lex is interested in Connor, and would have anticipated the problem, and created something to deal with it. Personally I don't buy the idea of what's wrong with him, but whatever.

Robin, Wonder Girl, Speedy, and Beast Boy travel to the location Tim found. There's fighting, tender moments, and lots of ragging on Beast Boy. And, there's a halfway interesting conversation between the Veteran and Batman. What can I say? Anytime someone actually stands up to the pointy-eared psycho I enjoy it. 4 "What are those things on Conner's body?" out of 5.

Ultimate Spider-Man #89: Stuff actually happened, I think. Bendis managed to fit two sort of quickie origins into this issue, Silver Sable's and the head of Roxxon's. We find out why the head of Roxxon would be stupid enough to think Peter had some interest in Roxxon and that's why he kept helping it. Oh yeah, Peter experiences mask malfunction - again. I think he's reached the point where he should take a page from Juggernaut and weld the mask to the rest of the costume. Or he could evolve into a half-man, half-spider, who can change between his normal face and spider face. . . Forget I said anything. I said forget it Bendis! Straczynski, don't you tell him anything! I have a pen! It can be sharpened!

Oh yeah, and Shield is really lame in the Ultimate Universe. If Norman Osborn isn't leading a prison break, then he's hiding his son's abilities from Nick Fury. Or Magneto is suckering them with the aid of Havok, Polaris and Northstar. Or well, just look at The Ultimates. I hope the people of Earth aren't counting on them to stop Gah'Lak'Tus. They better call in Ultimate Supreme Squadron. Or is that Supreme Power? 4 out of 5.

Exiles #76: New title. The last few months, there's always an extra copy (I think Eric may have dropped it since Mimic died). I've been skimming them, and I figured, what the hell. Proteus is inside Hulk 2099. So he has a body that should last for weeks before it burns out. I guess that's good for him, bad for Exiles. Spider-Man 2099 faces a decision, and makes it. This is a possible spoiler, so those concerned with that, go to the next paragraph. They gone? Ok. He joins the Exiles, I'll let you read it to see why, or ask me in the comments.

Hey, thanks for waiting for us to get finished with spoilers. So, Longshot is in the book. I like Longshot. I always thought luck powers were cool. Of course, I like Stacy's phermone powers and HATE telepathy, so take from that what you will. For a new reader, I knew what was going on, I enjoyed it, I'll be buying next issue. 4 "Oh Shocks!" out of 5.

New Avengers #15: This is the "meet your Avengers" issue. Whoop-de-do. Bendis got my hopes up. I was sure Warbird was going to join, and Captain America offered, but no, she had to want to feel like she was "worthy" first. Are you kidding? What the hell has the Sentry done to earn it? Join the team already woman! Would anyone actually mind having another woman for Frank Cho to draw, to distract us from Bendis' "story"? And I was proposed Warbird as someone for my New Avengers, because she's got the history, the powers, and a sash.

There was one moment I found interesting. The Avengers call Jonah Jameson in to make a deal: You get exclusive access, and in return, you stop ragging on Spider-Man. Jonah's actions didn't seem in character, which is odd, because I thought Bendis understood him pretty well in Ultimate Spider-Man. So this book has one arc left. "The Collective" had better blow my socks off, though the holes may make that difficult, or sayonara. I can read bad stories that involve Spider-Man elsewhere. 2 out of 5.

Black Cat and Spider-Man: The Evil that Men Do #6: Speaking of bad stories that involve Spidey. The more I read this book and see that subtitle, the more aggravated I get. For some reason I keep emphasizing "Evil that MEN Do" and it's driving me up the wall. I know the main bad guy is well, a guy, but still, quit disparaging my gender. Here come spoilers, so you may wish to jump to the next review. Or not.

Why was it necessary to add a rape to Felicia Hardy's origin? I was fine with "Felicia loved her father, he was a burglar, so she followed in his footsteps, and besides, it's fun!" Why did need she need a sexual assault to spur her on? What, because Frank Miller turned Selina Kyle into a prostitute, Felicia has to have sexual abuse in her past? Cripes. Frank Miller is insane, and should not be imitated, especially not in the Spider-Man Universe. Spidey is supposed to be relatively cheerful, this was freaking depressing.

I notice I haven't talked much about the book. Well, it did enough talking for the both of us, which is pretty much what I predicted after the last issue. Man, I know there was a big gap between the two halves of this story, but Smith really fouled this up. And apparently we're getting a 'new' villain out of all this. Yippee. 1 "Why did you go There?" out of 5.

Wolverine #38: Recently I was pretty excited about the upcoming Wolverine:Origins book, which will be written by Daniel Way. Unfortunately, Way is also writing this story arc, and he's not bolstering my confidence. Hopefully in that book he'll stay in the time period of the event he's writing about, and not flashback and forth between present and past.

As for this, well, Logan finds the place where the Adamantium was bonded to his skeleton the first time. Funny, I could have sworn he found that place back in the '90s, somewhere around issue #50 in his previous ongoing. I still have no idea what it was the Silver Samurai told him back in Part 1 of this story. Apparently Bucky was involved in Wolverine's life at some point.

My first reaction upon finishing this issue was "Is that it?" Then I flipped back through to see if I had somehow missed pages in there. I hadn't. Lame-ass. I'm telling you now, the story of Logan's past should be written by Paul Jenkins and certainly not Daniel Way. Man, I am such a whore for Paul Jenkins. Well, I guess Grant Morrison and Alan Moore can't have all the syncophantic fanboys. 2 out of 5.

Amazing Spider-Man #528: "The Other" is over! The tidal wave of suckiness is over! Hooray! Prepare for a new, potentially even larger wave of suckiness! Uh, hooray? And this new wave shall begin with a new costume? Boo! Ok, so he doesn't wear the new costume. . . this issue. I know Peter has had some questionable costumes, but man I just can't get over how dumb it looks with those spines sticking out the back. And red and yellow? Damn it Tony, not everyone likes the same colors you do! Yeesh. Or maybe "Guh" is more appropriate.

So, I was surprised Peter did not have a confrontation with the spider-mass thing we saw the last two parts of this story arc. I guess they're saving that to annoy the crap out of me some later day. He did however go to visit that odd little super-hero tailor guy that JMS introduced some time back (before his mind completely slipped the rails, and he decided Gwen Stacy and Norman Osborn should procreate). Then he demonstrates his new powers and saves lives. Personally, I don't think "carrying a person by sticking them to your back" is really a new power. I seem to recall he's been using his back to stick to walls for years, so he could read newspapers.

Oh yeah, and Tony isn't sure Peter is really who he says he is. Now privately, Peter shares these doubts, but I don't think that excuses Tony from spying on Peter and MJ during private moments. I think Stark needs to drop A.A. and join Sexaholics Anonymous. Ok, be honest, you saw that joke coming three lines ahead of time, didn't you? Don't lie to me! Sorry, I have to go to my anger management class, I'll give Logan and Banner your regards. Oh, the score? Well, it's really only a 2, but I'm so happy "The Other" is over, I'll give a 3 "You've Nearly Killed Me Off Spider-Man Books" out of 5.

Sorry, this post was much funnier the first time. But Blogger ate that, so you got a pared-down version.

What I Bought 1/18/06

According to Eric, I may be the only person not happy with the direction Dan DiDio is taking DC. Fine. When DiDio stops screwing over the characters I care about, I'll start being happy with his direction. With that out of the way, on to reviews. Spolier warnings abound.

Batgirl #72 - Last month I said, I was probably grading this book lightly because it's drawing to a close. This month, I can't even grade this issue. I just don't know how to feel about this book. On some level I actually feel better about Cassandra's chances of suriving the cancellation, based on the fact she got stabbed in the chest this month, and not next month. Other than that, I don't know what to say, other than I didn't like De La Fuente's art. It was very hard to follow the actions and movements of the characters, and the movements I could follow looked pretty awkward. Incomplete.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #4 - See, every once in a while, "The Other" has an issue I like. This one has Peter being probed and tested by Stark, Hank Pym (booo!) and Reed Richards. Peter manages to escape, but only due to the intimidating glare of May Parker. Peter takes MJ out for a webswing, MJ shows Jameson what she thinks of him - hilarious - and Peter acts a little oddly. Oh yeah, and at the end, Peter shows an uncanny ability to recognize the type of spiders that have encased the top of Stark's building, before meeting a new being comprised of a bunch of spiders. Oh joy, he said flatly, and the issue was going so well. 3.5 out of 5.

Marvel Knights Spider-Man #22. First off, I didn't like Pat Lee's art. Second off, I have no idea what the hell is going on. All this 'What you are, I am not. What you are not, I am' stuff is just annoying as hell. I'm just tired of all this. I don't know where they're going with this. I don't like how all of the sudden Jarvis is acting unfriendly towards Peter, how the rest of the team, except Logan, seems to regard Spidey as part of the problem with this spider-thing. It really is amazing how this series can have the previous issues, that really seem to be true to the character, and then the follow up is crap. I mean, stingers, popping out of his wrists? If that's the case, can he still shoot webbing from his wrists? 'Cause it seems like the massive impaling thingamajiggers would tend to interfere with that. Thank goodness it's almost over. 2 out of 5.

What I Bought 1/11/06, But First A Message From My Angry Self

Two books this week, not so good, plus highlander over at The Miserable Annals of the Earth has a post - titled "The Abyss Gazes Back" - that set me off a bit. It's not that I disagree with him that the Silver Age, as a whole, had better work than what he calls the Modern Age. I couldn't tell you, I haven't read enough Silver Age to make a fair judgement, plus what I have read is mostly characters, such as Superman, that I don't care for, so objectivity is not really possible. It's more the shots he takes at kalinara, as he apparently feels that if someone does a post about slash fanfic between sentient planets, then it's okay to paint them with a broad brush, describing her as having a taste for 'mindless carnage, and contemptible non-heroes'. I've read basically every post kalinara has made, I've seen little, if any, evidence of that. She's shown an interest in the strong familial bonds present between characters and their parents throughout DC, or in Robin's ability to adjust his personality to mesh with whoever he's around, be it Batman, Nightwing, the Titans, etc. Yes, she likes that Ron Marz often left Kyle Rayner tied up, or in a tattered costume. And yeah, she does posts (that I think are mostly humorous) about Ben Grimm and Sand hooking up. But mindless carnage? Not so much.

Mostly though, it's his comment that 'it's all very well to say with enormous if unconscious smugness, while still in one's teens or early 20s, sitting in one's happy comfortable little bed or dorm room safe within the sheltering wings of daddy's paycheck, with all the heroes one has treasured since childhood still being happily and cheerfully published pretty much exactly as they have always been, that "times and audiences change". And yes, I just removed that one paragraph, I know how much highlander loves that.

Still, he wants to talk about unconscious smugness? Well, that right there is conscious condescension. Really, all he's saying is "You'll understand when you're older." Boy, didn't we all love hearing that when we were kids? Well, you may have, as for me, not one of my favorite phrases.

The sad thing is, highlander is probably mostly right about the state of comics. Hell, I suppose as someone in their early twenties, though I live in a two person apartment where my half of the bills are covered by me getting an assistantship, I'm one of those fans who eats the crap the comics shovel. I even know I am. I'm reading "The Other". I know it's bad, but I keep reading, hoping they'll get back to the Spidey I liked, from either the late '80s (pre-Venom/Macfarlane), or the first few years of Stracynzski and Jenkins doing the writing, on Amazing and Peter Parker, respectively.

The problem is, that when you post your feelings/beliefs in the way he did, I'd say you risk alienating people who might agree with you, or be willing to listen, but are put off by the feeling that you're looking down your nose at them, which was my gut reaction.

But you want to know the really sad part? Kalinara laughed it off. Had no problem with it, but me, I'm going off the deep end. I guess I just don't like that he decries that comics are being written as if the readers are morons, but he then proceeds to write a post from which I infer he believes that Modern Age comic readers are morons for reading what's put out today. What can I say? I hate feeling talked down to. Anyway, on to the reviews of the crap that came out this week.

Ultimate X-Men #66 - Oh crap. Not the Phoenix saga. This is one of those things I've had enough of, right up there with "Hank Pym beat the Wasp". It's done to death people, go somewhere else. And the Shi'ar show up. And everybody is out on dates, and it looks like Jean is messing with people's minds. Great. I think I may need to drop this book until this story arc is over, but to be fair, I'll see what happens next month. 1 "oh boy here we go" out of 5.

Ghost Rider #5 - And this is what happens when you decompress. Now that we get to the fighting, everything is rushed. What was going on in that elevator with Ruth (don't say tentacle rape)? Why did she go back out and fight Hoss? Why not focus on her primary objective Kazaan, then trash Hoss after. And this Father Adam just managed to show up at the right time to take a shot at Ghost Rider? How? Oh well, at least Blaze is back on his bike. Still, remember how I said Ennis would have to completely screw this up for it not to take 2nd on my "Best Mini-series of 2005" list? Looks like Garth is going to test that. 3 out of 5.

Man, it's bad enough "The Other" is terrible. You'd think they could at least keep it on schedule. Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Creature #4 was supposed to come out this week, and of course, it didn't. Perfect.