First hearing...for real this time.

I've waited a few days to write this post, but wanted to do so before I lost a lot of my memories (aka: the rest of my mind). As plenty of people know, this week I attended my first court hearing. And what a hearing that was. I was supposed to have a hearing last week, but it was rescheduled with another judge due to a conflict with the previous judge.

Now, some background info about this hearing (but obvs not too much)....it was a custody dispute. And custody disputes are NEVER EVER EVARRRRRRR fun. They suck. People cry, kids act like assholes, and there are no true winners. None.

I went into this hearing expecting for everyone to give testimony, for a finding of the best interest of the child to be offered up by the judge, and for my client to get her kid back (that she's raised for 16 years with no friggin support from his deadbeat asshole of a father). Judge messed that over when he said he was inclined to grant custody....before testimony was given, before child had been interviewed, before any fights were made..and based on a piece of shit motion by OC.

What followed was a quick argument that involved the kitchen sink, and afterwards....six hours in court. Six long, looong, LOOOONG hours in court. My client did not win, but the one who did pissed the judge off. So though she didn't win custody, she got visitation, was ordered to pay no child support, and the asshole ex is going to have to come up with over $40K to pay my client within the next two years in back child support.

And that's just phase one. I implement phase two next week. Justice works in mysterious ways, but I've learned a shitton from my client, her case, and that proceeding. And I've figure out that sometimes justice isn't what you're asking for, or may come about in a different way than expected....

The Supreme Court's Prayer

Yeah. I like to repeat this on days big decisions are slated to be delivered. I guess today technically wasn't one of those days, but who cares? ;)

Welcome to the state of Perspective....

Went to another job interview this week. It's for a position that doesn't require a law degree, though I'm sure they use me for all of their lawyering needs at the price of a non-lawyer and without paying malpractice insurance, if given the chance.

I doubt they're going to hire me, although it's a shame, because they all seemed pretty fun. Do I sound more hopeful and less bitter about my lack of employment? HA. Don't let me fool you.

(Don't think I haven't considered working for a Wendy's franchise. Ain't too good for that.)

And if you think I'm joking about the latter description, then I beg of you to send me some job opportunities that don't want to pay me 30,000 per year while claiming me as an employee for their tax purposes while having me claim independent contractor status.

Otherwise, welcome to the lovely state of Perspective. I don't particularly admire its views.

Thursday Morning Lameness

I've been studying Oil and Gas for the Texas Bar Exam. Since I didn't take this course in law school, and since I also wasn't tested on it on my previous bar, it's kinda new to me. Something that particular sticks with me is Texas's interpretation of the open mines doctrine. That lease better never expire, because then you're fucked, life tenant. 

Oh look, it's Ryan Gosling.

Happy Thursday (for what it's worth).

Another blog about nothing....

It seems like every time I sit down to write, either (a) I have nothing relevant to say, (b) I see something shiny, or (c) I end up deleting everything because I think it sounds dumb. I still have a second blog to write about whether or not new attorneys qualify for the patent exam, then the followups regarding HOW to apply (spoiler: it's a pain in the ass) and my plans of attack after I send mine in (it's finished, but money is tight). I've also been contemplating blogging daily about my prep for the Texas bar exam, which may serve as a "what not to do" in the end (although I don't plan on failing it--but then again, who does?). Since I have recently applied for another spate of jobs, I'm sure I could always finangle a blog out regarding how my life sucks because I'm unemployed, living at my parents' house, and have enough rejection letters to paper our living room with (no, but really, I do, and for some unknown God-awful reason, I KEEP them. All of them.).

Which leads me to my post today. I don't think y'all want to hear another whiny blog about unemployment. And my life isn't particularly interesting at the moment, although I find enough things to keep me entertained (namely, my 11 year old brother). I'm pretty sure y'all don't care about my eye exam visit (or the fact that I reeeeallly wanted that second pair of frames, BECAUSE THEY ARE CUTE AND I NEED MOAR GLASSES).

I'm also sure you don't care about my health woes or exercise escapades. And a large majority of my blog readers are taking final exams, WHICH SUCK AND I'M SO SORRY YOU'RE HAVING TO DO THAT. (Seriously.) Btw, those of you who find by blog by googling "no friends in law school"--your day will come, but for real, most of those guys are assholes, and the majority of my lawyer friends (save for about three) are people I met on twitter, because those guys/gals rock.

So yeah. This is really a blog about nothing. But it kinda feels good to write about nothing.

 (Oh look, grumpy cat hates law school finals too....)

(Or, in my case, studying for the bar....)

At any rate....

Red flags while job hunting

As I've mentioned eleventy billion times, I'm hunting for a job. Most recently, I had a lead on a criminal defense position in a satellite office close to where I'm situated now. Since criminal law is ultimately where I want to end up, I applied and got an interview, which I attended and bitched about earlier. I also sent him a revamped appellate brief, which is actually pretty good.  And then I spent last night driving seven hours to make it to another pseudo-not-really-but-kinda-is-an-interview this morning.

And now that I've met with him, I can tell you I'm tired, disgusted, and pretty fucking disillusioned. But never fear...from my failings, I can give you some pointers on detecting red flags set forth by an employer (okay, just this employer). 

(For the record, I'm pathetically ridiculously proud of this image.)

Red Flag #1) Doesn't value your time

I got to his firm twenty minutes early, following a three-hour long car drive. After waiting forty-five minutes, I was told he was held up in court and couldn't make it. They also acknowledged that they were requesting something unusual that required the judge to clear the courtroom, which meant it would occur at the end of the docket. This tells me (a) this delay was entirely predictable and (b) even with this knowledge, no one cared enough to inform me about the almost-certain delay.

Red Flag #2) Lack of preparation

I try to give employers the benefit of the doubt on this one, particularly since they are typically inundated with resumes and cover letters and ALL THE THINGS. However, he hadn't read my resume, and spent the first ten minutes in silence reviewing it.

Awkward. Unnecessary. Story of my life.

Red Flag #3) Lack of interest in getting to know you

During my interview, he didn't ask me a single personal question. He also didn't listen to my answers, as evidenced by asking about several things I had already mentioned (not followups, either). I'm pretty awesome. Why wouldn't someone want to get to know me?!!?!?

Red Flag #4) Poor relationship with past employees

I shit you not, almost immediately after beginning my interview, this would-be employer (from now on called "WBE" for short) started loudly shit-talking the people that had formerly worked at this office. This shit-talking ranged from calling them terrible at their jobs to making veiled accusations that they somehow perpetuated fraud against his firm. I'm not just talking about one person--he talked shit about two previous associates AND his current law-clerk, whom he uses like his little Girl Friday.

Red Flag #5) Open demonstrations about lack of give-a-fuck regarding clients

This WBE invited me to meet him at the court for observation (I guess...the meaning wasn't super-clear to me, and remains rather elusive still). I got there, and within one minute, he tells me he arrived without the case file for his client. I can understand mistakes, but he's completely unapologetic about it. He's actually bordering on gleeful, telling both me and his client that he could be put in jail for being unprepared. I begin to wonder if this is part of his fucked up manipulation of the court system....

Red Flag #6) Lack of Discretion

I'm not sure what prompted this confession, but the WBE began to brag about blowing a .16 and being arrested, then making the DUI go away. There were (and still are) no words.

Red Flag #7) Tax Classifications

After my first meeting with this guy, I went to my CPA to discuss everything, and she equipped me with one question to ask him: would I be filing a 1099 or a W2? He told me today it'd be a 1099, which is for independent contractor status. When I asked how he would be showing the $2000 per month he'd be taking off for overhead, he told me it wouldn't show on my check and I wouldn't be able to write it off. He also told me I would be classified as an employee (which I don't think is feasible without much more worrisome tax implications), a status that is normally afforded a W2. I'm still confused about this.

Red Flag #8) Lack of "knowledge" about his firm

I don't care who you are. If the guy "in charge" begins to pretend or genuinely doesn’t know anything with regard to specifics about his firm, its incorporation, and tax/liability issues that may arise, then I don't really want to work for him. Because that's scary.

Red Flag #9) Use of offensive language

This is pretty self-explanatory. I'm in his office for three minutes today when he gets a phone call with bad news. He openly and explosively uses the term “mother fucker” several times. Unless you're Samuel L. Jackson "interviewing" someone, THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE in such a setting. (And I'm obviously no prude when it comes to offensive language, but there is a time and place, ladies and gentlemen!)

Red Flag #10) Asks for favors

This guy takes the cake with regard to the biggest WHAT THE FUCK moment I've probably ever had with a potential employer. While at home, I receive a call asking about the writing sample I've agreed to send him. Obviously, this is before any job offer has been made/considered. I explain I'm back home in the boondocks (another state away) for my little brother's livestock shows, and that I'll have to send it when I access high-speed internet (no joke, my parents still have dial-up).

After hearing I'm not in the state, he (hand to God) says, "Well, I guess that means you can't make an appearance for me in court tomorrow."

You're right. I can't. And I NEVER EVER WILL.

The end. 

Job Search, Part 1 (Or: How the Job Search is Disgustingly Like Internet Dating)

One of my friends and I were conversing about the sad state of job hiring within the legal profession right now. This has prompted me to create a series about this all-too-familiar topic, which reminds me of internet dating. Part 1? From the employer's perspective. 

(Must be nice.)

My views on the bar exam, as illustrated by Lord of the Rings

  

Ten things I'd rather be doing than studying for the bar exam...

I'm tired. I'm lacking motivation. And I'm starting to get my ass handed to me during MPQ multiple choice question sets. It's demoralizing, degrading, and depressing. (Enough with the alliteration.) I would almost rather be doing anything else than this. Like making this chart about things I'd rather be doing than studying:

On second thought, I'd better be getting back to torts. Hope y'all are getting through it too!

Love you, H-dawg.

Trade Fixtures Exception (a ditty by moi)