Welcome to the big girl world....

Last week I mentioned sending my letter to opposing counsel. I can only imagine what he did when he received it, but I don't think him shitting on it and setting it on fire are outside of the realm of possibility. 

I say this because this week, my client was served with motions regarding her case, after he knew I was her attorney. For you non-attorneys out there, let me explain: that doesn't go against figurative ethical protocol. It goes against ACTUAL WRITTEN FUCKING RULES. Specifically, one regarding contacting a person that they know to be represented by counsel. I was pissed, but I let it slide. 

Even though I wanted to smack a bitch. 

He also filed a piece of shit motion that was passed ex parte. And, again, for you non-legal scholars, ex parte doesn't mean a party where all your exes are in attendance (although given the circumstances--custody, I find  the name ironic)-- it simply means my client didn't receive notice of the proceedings. 

I may have done some of this when I got wind of this shit. 

But today. TODAY. While arranging a hearing with him on the phone during a conference call with a judicial assistant, I happened to ask if he had gotten the letter of confirmation regarding another hearing we have together. His response: I'm sure my girls got it. 

To which I replied "That's funny, because I called your office yesterday and "your girl" told me you were the only one who had access to that email account. So....is there a secondary address I can send this next confirmation to in order to assure you get it?" 

Come at me, bro bitch. 

Sometimes, it's the little things. 

At this point, it'd be a mercy killing...

I have ten days before I'm sitting in a Prometric Site well on my way to failing the patent bar exam.

Most people think I'm exaggerating when I say this. Let me be clear: I'm not. And, just to back up this assertion, I'm going to give you a short list of reasons why I'm almost* undoubtedly going to fail the bar exam.

*I say almost because there's the slim possibility the baby Lord Jesus may swoop down from Heaven and grant me the infinite wisdom of the MPEP and I might somehow, with his divine guidance, make the required 70% to pass the test. But....I'm not going to bank on it. 

1) I've not studied enough. I've probably put in about 100 hours of study time. Maybe 80 hours, if I'm being super honest with myself. I have been pulled in all different directions, and allowed myself to be entirely too ADHD with my studying process, which means that these 80-100 hours of studying have been non-linear and a clusterfuck of confusion. Most people study, at minimum, 250 hours for this exam.

OOOH, SHINY THING.

2) This bar exam is different. I've taken and passed two bar exams. And this exam is different because (a) it's open book, (b) it has no essays, and (c) it's not scaled, this just means that bar examining committee has more leeway to ask hypertechnical questions, and that I can't rely on dumbasses who do worse than me to pull my score up. It's either pass or fail. No in-between. And to pass, you have to study a shitton of hours. (See #1)

3) New material has made this bar exam almost impossible to study for. In 2011, Obama signed into law the America Invents Act, which took our patent system from a first to invent to a first to file process. The bar exam started testing this in full effect three months ago. This means that I have to be responsible for all the material before the America Invents Act (AIA) and ALLLLL the information after as well. This means twice the friggin material, and no real guide as to how these questions are going to be framed and no really good way to study for them.

Exactly. 

Now, I can go on and on about exactly how fucked I am, but this blog entry is a testament to EVERYTHING I'M DOING WRONG. I'm sitting here bitching about this exam that I'm going to fail rather than praying to the baby Lord Jesus or lighting a candle in his honor or, you know, actually studying for the motherfucking patent bar exam.

So yeah, maybe YOU can light a candle for me? Or pray that Jesus rides in on his pterodactyl and saves the day. Because otherwise, well, I'm fucked.

Potential Solo Practitioner?

The past few days I've been thinking more and more about opening my own firm. I've been hesitant to do it until now for several reasons, including (a) my lack of resources (opening a firm takes money, yo), (b) my lack of experience, (c) my lack of connections, and (d) the yellow belly I kept hidden under my shirt. However, I just had the pleasure of counting up how many jobs I've been rejected for in the past year, and I came up with around 250.

I also read a recent article one of my friends posted on Facebook in which it discussed how going jobless for one year has more than an impact of making you hate your life broke for an entire year--it actually decreases your life's overall expected earning potential.

Let's just speed up the process a little.

I don't speak often about my earlier years, but here's some knowledge for ya: my mom owned her own business for the first thirteen years of my life. She rented movies and made pizza, and I saw the daily struggles associated with owning one's own business. A lot of times she was in the red, our store got broken into once and the idiot bled EVERYWHERE (he broke a window, then rather than opening it, CLIMBED THROUGH IT AND SCRATCHED HIMSELF TO HELL). I saw it when the supply truck didn't come when he was supposed to. And I saw her have to deal with difficult customers. I also saw the perks--she was able to have the school bus drop us off each day, she could close early if there was inclement weather or if my brother or I were puking our guts out, and she was head bitch in charge.

M, head bitch in charge (and my hero)

As for me, I've been waiting and hoping and praying to God I could get a job. But that's normally not the kind of person I am. I like to make my own opportunities, and I don't do well taking a backseat waiting for things to happen. And, quite frankly, I've reached the point where I'm tired of waiting.

So I guess what I'm saying is that my cowardice has finally been trumped by my impatience and sense of being fed up with the state of my professional life. As such, I've started researching what I'm going to need to start my own law firm. After looking a lot of stuff up, I feel reasonably confident that I can start a law firm with about a $2000-$3000 shoestring budget (and that will cover a downpayment for malpractice insurance as well). I want to aim at opening at the beginning of next year, and I've picked a small town next to a big city in which to operate, both to limit competition and to lower costs of operation. This means I'll have to move there in October-November, then focus on learning the community and networking my ass off.

But honestly? I'm kinda excited. JURIS IS BACK IN ACTION, BABY.

Prepared for the best. And by best, I mean worst. 

Any tips or suggestions? Or comments? 

The Supreme Court's Prayer

Yeah. I like to repeat this on days big decisions are slated to be delivered. I guess today technically wasn't one of those days, but who cares? ;)

Welcome to the state of Perspective....

Went to another job interview this week. It's for a position that doesn't require a law degree, though I'm sure they use me for all of their lawyering needs at the price of a non-lawyer and without paying malpractice insurance, if given the chance.

I doubt they're going to hire me, although it's a shame, because they all seemed pretty fun. Do I sound more hopeful and less bitter about my lack of employment? HA. Don't let me fool you.

(Don't think I haven't considered working for a Wendy's franchise. Ain't too good for that.)

And if you think I'm joking about the latter description, then I beg of you to send me some job opportunities that don't want to pay me 30,000 per year while claiming me as an employee for their tax purposes while having me claim independent contractor status.

Otherwise, welcome to the lovely state of Perspective. I don't particularly admire its views.

First day back to the grindstone....Or, my foray into patent bar studies

I've officially begun studying for the Patent Bar Exam....cue the twilight zone music.

It basically consists of me taking all of my stuff to the local university library (which has the most RIDICULOUS hours I've ever heard of...I mean, not open on Saturdays? REALLY?!?!). When I get there, I have to pop in a CD that goes over each phase of the Patent Bar--there are 36 CDs...and I effectively waited long enough that I'm going to have to supplement it with ADDITIONAL information regarding the newly introduced "first to file" legislation that isn't part of my study program. ::womp womp::

The good news is that I'm through 2 of the 36 CDs. The bad news is that means I have 34 CDs left. However, unlike having 50 gazillion pounds of Barbri books to cart around (like I'm used to), here I have several sleeves of CDs, three (very thin) booklets, and a 1 inch 3 ring binder. If nothing else, my back will be a lot happier with this bar studying attempt.

I have to admit that it feels good to be studying for something and to have another goal. AND I'll be told as soon as I'm finished with the Patent Bar Exam whether I passed or failed. None of this "wait two months and see!" hullabaloo (also, FYI, Texas posts results in 15 days....pardon me while I go throw up).

Screw you Texas, I've already got an award...er, bar license.

Cue the good news

No, I still haven't found a job (yet...). However, my mom called me with some good news. Apparently, while out of the state, the US Patent and Trademark Office sent me something in the mail. And my mother, being the nosy helpful person she is, read it and called me immediately.

I've been deemed qualified to sit for the patent bar exam!!!!!!!!!!! :D

::commence the celebration!!!::

Except....this means I have approximately 60 days to learn ALL THE LAWS. 

And considering how many laws there are and the failure rate, this ain't gonna be pretty.

But still...apparently four....or five (?) (I'm not going back to check) tickets won't keep you from sitting for the patent bar.

Good to know.

Patent Bar--too lazy to ask?

As a mini-rant--I've applied to sit for the patent bar examination, as my imminent employment opportunities don't look so rosy. I've been out of school for nearly a year with no nibbles at my employment hook, and I'm starting to get even more irritated regarding my unemployed status (but that's okay, because I apparently take lots of bar examinations as a consolation, which should indicate my level of sanity).

A week and a half ago, I sent in my package for the patent bar. Let me be clear: the patent bar is both the easiest application process and the most ridiculous application process I've seen for a bar examination. I don't have to give ANY employment history. I don't have to give ANY of the places I've lived in the past. References? WHO NEEDS EM? However, they do want to know about EVERY.SINGLE.ticket you've ever received, as well as *why* you qualify to take their special exam.

I spent ages getting my classes together, highlighting them, printing out course descriptions, showing the grades I received on my transcript, etc. I also had to go to four different jurisdictions in two separate states to get the five (speeding) tickets I've received in my lifetime. I sent in those proofs of payment, thinking they would be enough to demonstrate all that is taken care of.

Does this LOOK like I'm kidding? Also, no comments on my "C's". They count, lol.

Flash forward to today: I receive a letter in the mail requesting additional information about these tickets. What jurisdiction did I receive them in? What did I receive them for? What was the disposition in the case? Never mind this was all in the proof of receipts I sent. NOOOOO, they want ME to explain them. So I did. I wrote allllll of that junk down, and I'm sending it in on Monday.

I guess the silver lining is that I know they received my junk (silly me--I forgot to send them a self-addressed envelope so they could confirm they received my package) AND I know that my classes are sufficient to qualify for the patent examination. :D

Now all I have to do is see whether they will let me in............and if I can pass.

Job Market...an update and some admissions

Let's be real. I'm not an eternal optimist per se, but I DO believe in doors opening and opportunities presenting themselves and all that Pollyanna bullshit. I believe in positive thinking, and I'm dogged in my approach in that if I'm kicked, I return for more. It's very difficult for me to accept defeat, although I'm very much so used to it and am not normally used to having things handed to me on a highly-polished silver platter.

There has been a marked shift in my thinking since I've graduated from law school and passed the bar. I attribute this to the fact that I've been facing the realities of the legal job market for nearly a year, and still feel as if no new job opportunities are on my horizon. Although I don't think I have to explain jack-shit about my résumé, for the sake of allowing you some insight to my situation: I was solidly in the middle of my graduating class. My family are NOT lawyers, and I attended law school in a state other than I grew up in. I also took and passed the bar in that same state. I completed two separate internships with highly respected judges, one of which was for our state's Supreme Court. I participated in three separate legal clinics, was on two traveling teams, donated over 300 hours of pro bono time to the indigent while in law school, and took a wide variety of classes. I liked the rigors of law school, particularly the types of rigors associated with the practice of law.

So yeah, while my grades were mediocre, I've got plenty on my résumé and feel confident in my achievements. Which is why my continued state of unemployment is such a bitter pill to swallow. (Plus the fact that there are people who weren't even in the middle of the class who are employed and have been since graduation.)

So let me hit you with some truth, if you haven't realized it yet: the legal job market SUCKS. I recently interviewed for a job for a legal secretary position in which 25 applications were received and THREE of them were from current lawyers. This was for a $26,000 position, mind you, out in the middle of Bumfuck Egypt. I'll let that sink in for a moment. 

And when I read blog posts from people still in law school telling people who've already taken the bar and are seeking employment that they should talk to their career services department at their school, I just want to laugh. Hysterically. While slightly weeping. While I never endeavored to tell people how they should be searching for jobs when I didn't know of them or their situation, I used to be as positive (I'll refrain from calling it naive or blind). But the reality is that career services can't create jobs. And if your department is telling you of that job, it means at least twenty of your colleagues are also going to competing against you for that position. 

I've also had someone ask me what was wrong with my applications when I told her I was still looking for a job. She's lucky to still be breathing, as I would have rather snapped her neck than listen to her speak another syllable. People don't get it. Even people within the profession or who are actively involved in those who are in the profession. 

And even when I have an interview and do reaallly well and feel realllly good about it, they normally never call me back. It's like dating from hell. I send each of my cover letters and résumés out with a little prayer (or whatever one calls it). I'm still hopeful, but cautiously so. Because this much rejection hurts. Although not nearly as bad as the ignorance that abounds regarding what I'm doing wrong with respect to my job hunting. 

Bar Exam Neurosis

Let's be clear: I don't use my blawg to create a persona. I am true to myself, and am perfectly fine being super ridiculous and nerdy and cheesy. 

So I'm gonna drop some truth on you right now: when it comes to test-taking, I am a NEUROTIC BITCH. Not like, oh, kinda crazy and don't bathe when it comes time to take the test. Like, have to regurgitate said test back in my hotel room so I can purge it from my mind forever. 

Yeah, you heard that right. I rewrite all the questions I can remember from the exam. Because I'm fucking crazy. (Although I would rather be crazy than think it's acceptable NOT TO BATHE WHEN I'M GOING TO BE IN PUBLIC.)

Proof is in the (cray) pudding. And my neurosis is especially evident in the fact that no,
you can't read my writing because I resized the photo to prevent such things from happening. 

Today, I managed to remember 94 questions from each session. No, I will not give them to you. No, I do not plan on disseminating them to anyone. I will probably burn them after this fucking bar exam, because really, they serve no purpose to me. They're just the byproduct of mental cleansing. 

And yet, I feel no less crazy now than when I started. 

(Don't judge me.)

(My mother does that enough for the both of us)

Bar Card #3: Giveafuck

I've discussed dontgiveafuck before. It's inspired my latest card. Good luck with the final push!

Cards in anticipation of the bar exam

As my fuse grows shorter the closer I get to the Bar Exam, I find myself having to excuse or apologize for my behavior more than I'm comfortable admitting. 

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like Hallmark makes cards that concern the bar exam. 

So I made my own.

This is Card #1. More to follow. May God have mercy on our souls. 

Texas Hunger Games....I mean, Bar Exam

As the days run out, all I can think about is how I'm surely approaching my doom. Which gives rise to some excellent quotes from The Hunger Games:

"Stupid people are dangerous." 

"Here's some advice: stay alive." 

"Aim higher, in case you fall short." 

At any rate, hope you enjoy my little piece of "sunshine," just in time for the Texas Hunger Games Bar Exam. 

"Tick, tock."

Sad, but true....

The problem with having a law license in one jurisdiction while taking the bar exam in another....

Oh? You don't think I'm smart enough to practice in your state?

Motivation....lacking. 

This is your brain, bar exam style...

I'm pretty sure this is self-explanatory. 

(Pray to the merciful 6 lb, 8 oz. baby lord Jesus for my everloving soul....)

Would YOU willingly vacay in BEL?

It's crunch time in BarExamLand, the magical place where unicorns and rainbows go to die. 

Incidentally, that's where my soul has also gone to die. 

But it could be worse...I could be taking the bar exam in Louisiana....which started THIS WEEK.

Week 7 Schedule...TBE

Today is the first day I start realllllly hitting the ole books hard. I've posted a schedule for this week (7 weeks out) below, and I hope to stick to it. I've allowed myself one free day (Sunday) during which I'll either do nothing or use it to catch up on shit I've not done during the week.

If you'll notice, my schedule isn't nearly as terrifying as Barbri's. That's because I actually want to accomplish it. I've added supplemental in case I finish my daily grind, but that's not required.


Hope it may help you, if you're departing upon this journey by yourself as well.

Happy Monday.

Plan of attack for Texas Bar studying--where I stand, where I want to go #1

As I prepare by myself for the bar examination, I've pledged to update y'all on my blawg as to how I'm studying, what I'm doing, and my plans for the future. Here is a breakdown of the examination and a written analysis of what I've set out to do.....

Texas Essays: 

There are twelve Texas-specific essays (2 Real Property, 2 Business Administrations, 2 UCC, 2 Family Law, 2 Wills and Estates, 1 Trusts OR Guardianship, 1 Consumer Law, w/ crossover topics of Federal Income Tax and Bankruptcy). I've already retyped the notes for Agency, Bankruptcy, Commercial Paper, Civ Pro, Community Property, Consumer Law, Family Law, Federal Income Tax, and Oil and Gas. I'm working on Trusts at this moment. 

This means I need to tackle Corporations, Wills, Texas Real Property, Secured Transactions, , and possibly Contracts. I already feel moderately comfortable with Secured Transactions, because I had a friggin awesome teacher for that, and it's a UCC (aka: mostly national standard) topic. 

For this portion, I plan on retyping the notes that will be most helpful to me, which also means I have to go back through during the final week's review and fill everything in, which will function as a great refresher. For the subjects I feel less strong with regard to or which do no lend themselves to effective outlining, I plan to chart. The next couple of weeks, I'll finish reviewing these subjects, then circle back and start charting some more, plus add in actual essay practice. I'll probably begin essay practice in two weeks. 

MBE:

There are six MBE subjects (Contracts, Constitutional Law, Criminal Law, Evidence, Torts, Real Property). I also plan to work six days out of the week. Thus, I will devote myself to one subject per day, particularly with regard to MBE questions, for the first few weeks. Toward the end, of course, I'll swap to varying questions and focus on subjects I am not doing as well in. 

Texas Procedure and Evidence:

Texas P&E has me nervous, but it also only counts for 10% of the exam. As I've said, I've already rewritten Civ Pro, which was 70 pages and killed a piece of my soul, I'm pretty sure. This means I have to go through the Texas Criminal Procedure plus Civil/Criminal Evidence sections with a fine-toothed comb, because I'm not sure of all the differences. I did well with non-specific criminal law and evidence, but I don't want to get stuck because I don't know the distinctions. 

This subject is also much different because it's a short answer portion, which I didn't have on my last bar examination. As such, I have to print out several of the past Texas tests and start quizzing myself on these. I plan to spend two days per week studying and preparing for the P&E. I will begin by going through the notes and either charting or rewriting them (there are LOTS of pages, so I'm not sure how long this will take me), then I will force myself to take an entire 90 minute practice conditions exam, grade it, then focus where I obviously know jackshit. 

MPT:

This section is also worth 10%. I've already been tested on this on the prior exam, but didn't do as well as I would have liked. I think I may procure a Kaplan book to help prepare, because I've heard that Kaplan really helps in this area moreso than Barbri, and anything that may bring up the score a few points can't be a bad thing. I plan on addressing this subject once a week. 

Ultimately:

I don't feel nearly as nervous as I did, and I attribute that in part to the chart I created acclimating myself with the Texas Bar Examination. (I did a breakdown. I'll attach it on my next blog post.) This helped me visualize the examination, and made it easier to understand which subjects I'm going to need to tackle. In short, it made it seem less insurmountable. 

While I initially thought I was going to do a calendar marking out the next seven weeks, I decided instead to break it down on a weekly basis. On Sundays, I'll analyze my progress, update my blog, and plan out the next week's course of attack. I think this will be more helpful because I won't feel like I'm failing if I spend more time on a subject I really need to address or less on one I find I already know. If you're interested in a blank, fillable study chart, let me know, and I don't mind sending it to you. 

Adventures in Bar Exam Land

I feel that I've reached an impasse at this point of my bar studying. If you'll recall, I made the decision to study without enlisting the (ridiculously expensive) aid of Barbri, although I was given a full set of Texas Barbri books with which to study by a Twitter friend.

From this point, I proceeded to study throughout December to give myself something to do and so I wouldn't feel rushed about my studies in the new year....which, if you've ever studied for a bar exam, know that's LAUGHABLE. So ha ha ha to me.

As of now, I've finished retyping 8 out of 20 handouts; the subjects I've already tackled are Agency/Partnership, Bankruptcy, Texas Civ Pro, Commercial Paper, Community Property, Consumer Law, Federal Income Tax, and Oil & Gas. This leaves me with a shitton more to finish, and the slightly panicky feeling no one likes to have but most associate with impending bar examinations.

It's at this juncture that I need to seriously ask myself how much I'm learning by retyping. I think I've learned quite a lot, and I'm going to have to go through everything again and fill in the blanks, which isn't that big of a deal and which will definitely help to jog my memory. It's also helpful to retype because it ensures I've seen it at least once. However, I know I'm a charts person, and I passed my last bar examination largely in part due to my incessant charting. On the other hand, I also had lecturers last time, which assisted me in tackling what I'm now attempting to retype because I was guaranteed to HEAR everything at least once.

Today is the day I lay out the next eight weeks of my life in a calendar to keep myself accountable and so I can minimize my feelings of extreme malaise and discomfiture. So, I guess my ultimate decision is how I want to approach the bar exam from this point forward. Do I want to finish typing ALL of the handouts? (I have 700 pages left.) Do I want to try to read them and see how much I retain? Which subjects do I want to chart?

Regardless, I went ahead and made myself a breakdown of the Texas bar examination, including what all is on the essay, the percentage each portion is worth (in lovely pie chart form), and what to expect on each section. After I finish my calendar (likely tomorrow), I will post that . And I'm thinking of documenting either in daily form or weekly form what I've been doing by myself to get prepared for the barf exam. :)

What do Y'ALL think?

Texas Bar Examination update

Update on Texas Bar Examination:

1. Please don't forget to send in your letters of good standing. ::facepalm::

2. Also, don't forget to send in your MPRE results. (Goodbye, $25...)

3. I somehow forgot to sign a notarized document in the Texas Bar Exam packet. Like, it was notarized, but I just didn't sign it. (What the hell is wrong with me?!!?!?)

4. Can I restate how amazing my Twitter community is? Particularly Adamdm4, who sent me his Barbri books to study with. :)

5. Though I've had my mess-ups along the way, Texas has been extremely nice throughout the entire application process, so there IS that....

6. I've been retyping the lecture handouts with blanks to fill in with my own handwriting, which is a long and arduous task that I'm afraid I am going to give up soon....

7. But I've made it through Agency/Partnership. And Bankruptcy. And Texas Civil Procedure. :) This is good, no? 

8. On the other hand, that means I've completed ~100 pages. Out of the phonebook that is Barbri.

::gulp::

9. Today I'm focusing on Federal Income Taxation. Then I might reward myself with some Criminal Law review. I'm such a rebel.

10. I've officially got all of my Texas documents turned in. Now....we wait. (And rejoice.)