Bar Card #3: Giveafuck

I've discussed dontgiveafuck before. It's inspired my latest card. Good luck with the final push!

It's okay Thursday....

It's okay....

To have tons of friends you've never met but feel like you've known forever via Twitter (and to love them bunnnnches). 

To be ridiculously excited to go watch Lord of the Rings and talk girl talk with an awesome lady I know in real life.....

That I'm blogging rather than hitting the road for an interview I have tomorrow....

To have a big, sequined, purple shower cap that I use on the reg, even though it makes me look like Miss Muffett and even though I work out every day....

That I use dry shampoo EVERY SINGLE DAY, regardless of when I washed my hair....

That bar exam studies make me want to kick a small woodland creature....

That my 11 year old brother and I spent two hours preparing/cooking a quiche that he wouldn't touch because of the texture....

That I had no such qualms...

NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

To be unsure of whether anyone can last because Ice-T and Coco are having marital problems..

THAT'S RIGHT TYRA. YOU TELL THEM.

Ever have a day that starts off so well, you just know it's going to be a great one? You get things done, nothing seems too difficult, and you're clipping right along.

And then by dusk, you just end up wanting to cry under your bed through no fault of your own?

Oh, maybe it's just me then. 

STFU

Tonight, while on the phone with my mother, I was offered a big cup of shut the fuck up.

I think I'd prefer a shot, wouldn't you?

Don't worry; it comes in all flavors.

"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy." --Fred Allen

Why I'm awesome, part 2

1) I'm strange. And by that, I mean I have a really quirky sense of humor, in the way that only theatre kids have. If you know a theatre kid, you know what I mean.

2) I shop at Goodwill and resale/consignment stores a good bit of the time, and at ebay just as much. (I've already went into my ebay addiction, but let's talk about Goodwill for a moment, why don't we?) I started shopping at Goodwill when I was about 15 years old and at the height of my theatre-kid awesomeness, and the "best" outfit I ever wore in high school consisted of leopard print stretch sleep pants with gold threads shooting through them and a man's gold lame' shirt from the 70s with HUGE shoulderpads. I didn't wear it because I thought I looked good. I wore it because it made people smile, or laugh, or point, and it was worth walking around looking like a disco ball for the awesome reactions. I've since retired this look at mostly stick to jeans and blouses, but I may be able to dig up a redacted picture of this outfit. Maybe. If I actually allowed myself to be photographed in it (I said I was weird, not retarded).

This one is almost as good....almost:

3) I hate (almost all) people, but love (almost all) animals. I have two dogs, but they are NOT my fucking babies. I refer to them as "my girls" and they are DOGS. (Don't get me started on people that carry dogs in purses.)

4) When I drink, it's shots. And I have a system for doing so that involves taking said shot, then sipping 8 ounces of water for 40 minutes before I take another shot. And I have never gotten blacked out drunk, or made questionable life decisions while doing this. My drink of choice? Tequila.

5) I didn't get cable until my 3L year, and that was because my boyfriend was tired of missing the games. I still hardly watch it, and mostly use it for background noise or to watch one or two shows I can't catch online.

As a side note: you know from past posts that I've been studying for the Bar, and am just now starting to emerge for air. I'll do another legal blog soon bemoaning my cruel summer's fate, etc. but for the moment, I just couldn't bring myself to write about the law when I am literally INUNDATED WITH IT at all times. Saturated. Soggy, if you will, from the law (and I mean in the nasty, fingers are pruny kind of way. Oh God, I'm going to have nightmares about that tonight...). 

I'd like to rearrange...your face

Things that really bother me while taking final exams:

1) Deep sighing
2) Vibrating phones (turn those bitches OFF)
3) Loud typing--is it necessary to batter your computer?
4) People that leave 40 minutes into exam (and it's three hours long)
5) Going blank (this one's totally on me--fault completely my own)
6) Rustling food bags--open it, get it over with, and for the love of God, please don't smack
7) Tapping and other random bodily twitches
8) People that make a big deal about leaving the room or asking a teacher a question
9) People who are apparently too stupid to quietly pack up their shit to leave

10) AND YOU, MOTHERFUCKER, slurping your goddamn Route 44 drink, WHEN IT'S OBVIOUSLY FUCKING EMPTY. 

I hope you fail....

I hope your girlfriend breaks up with you....

I hope you're diagnosed with a condition that makes it impossible to drink from a fucking straw. 

Sometimes I amaze myself...

So I learned how to make gifs....and I was like

There goes my studying....

Moral of the story? No good deed goes unpunished.

I did it. I volunteered and was subsequently elected to run a law school event (hereby coined "LSE"). Said event was to raise money for a good cause, something I constantly thought about as I was organizing said LSE.

Now, for those of you who are not yet familiar with my style, I'm an A personality. I like to meet people. I like to talk to people. I like to be in charge. I also don't mind helping out or delegating, provided things are run in a cohesive manner that doesn't result in my wanting to rip someone's my hair out. For the most part, if something isn't being done properly (or at all), I'd rather just do it myself. It's my nature, and while annoying, it's highly effective (because let's face it--law students aren't exactly the most dependable of people). That being said, if someone is doing their job, then I'm of the mindset to HAVE AT IT.

So....this LSE is technically the pet project of one of the organizations on campus and consists of having to rely upon a shitton of people actually showing up at this event to volunteer. That's strike one, in my opinion. Depending on a group of lawyers and law students to be somewhere to dedicate their time to an altruistic task? UNHEARD OF.

Strike two was the fact that I was working with someone I believe to be Cray-Cray to the Maximus (and by maximus, I mean in my gluteous maximus). My opinion? This crazy coot is out to get me. Fucking great. (And I'm not imagining this shit--we go way back.) Worst part? She acts like she doesn't hate my guts.

So I bust my ass for three weeks, all the while having to deal with backbiting and assholery and general indignities that many would argue are grounds for justifiable homicide. And I take it, because BY GOD, I AM GOING TO DO GOOD FOR CHARITY. I get liquor (since we know that's the main draw). I organize everything. I decorate. I bedazzle.

In short, I rock this goddamn event with every fucking fiber of my fabulous glitter-emoting body.

It was a success, although the event didn't raise nearly as much money as I would have liked (let's just say this--with the hours I put in, I'd have liked a feast thrown in my honor, with a roast beast).

So, where is strike three, you are wondering? Well, friends, that came after the event. When CrayCray scheduled a meeting to discuss the event. The event SHE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING ATTEND. In all actuality, it was a "Let's Shit on Dr. Juris" meeting. And SHIT THEY DID. Comments like "undermining authority" (when I was in charge, mind you) and "poor time management" (when everything was accomplished and rocked out with its proverbial....well, you know what I mean) were thrown around with great relish. At the end of said meeting, I was told I would have to hand over all my notes and intellectual property associated with the event for next year's planning.

I am waiting for the perfect moment to crush these audacious demands didn't have the heart to tell them I had deleted it all with a thank you Lerd and good riddance.

No really, my heart is three sizes too small.....and I'm pretty sure it's not going to experience a miraculous growth spurt any time soon.

Probably the best email I had with regard to this event was a professor who was helping out: I'll stick to what they gave me and frequently remind myself that it's for a good cause. To which I replied:

That's what I've been doing for the past two weeks. 

Baby Mama Drama....

Tomorrow is my first final. As a result, I've been doing anything--and I do mean anything--to avoid studying. I have washed my dishes (the most hated of ALL THINGS). I have closed my cases out for a clinic. I'm caught up on all my washed laundry (but still have to fold shit--the second most hated of ALL THINGS). I've gotten a haircut (which no one has noticed--I fucking HATE final exam weeks). I have planned an outing in the dog park for Crackers. The stockings are hung by the window with care. I've been clothes shopping at Goodwill. I've got a stocked pantry too.

So now, unless I want to clean out my disgusting car or spend the entire day vacuuming, I had better get to some studying.

My final is in domestic relations.

I think I'll turn on some Jerry Springer for real-life case examples.

I like your shoes. I'll give you two bucks for them.

I'm spending time at a regional negotiation competition this weekend, and I've begun to pick apart certain characteristics of my fellow competitors. The result....well, here you are. 

1) The ladies man - yes, he views this as a negotiation....for getting in your pants. He's the one with the metrosexual tie/hair combo and the overly shined shoes. Negotiating style? Slick....but nearly as slick as he thinks. 

2) Demure lady - she uses her lack of words against you in an attempt to have you blabber until the cows come home. Must....resist...the....temptation..... She's usually paired with an equally demure lady, or

3) The overly competitive former 1L gunner - this is typically a guy, and he's got something to prove. If you stand in his way, he will cut you. I'm waiting for my chance to engage in a no-blink-staredown contest with this fellow. Because I will set him ablaze. With my MIND. 

4) The couple - they came here together. They are dating or (at the very least) fuckbuddies. They have eaten, breathed, a sexed this problem for the past 27 days. They are literally about to come to fisticuffs by this time....or they've turned to toking to pretend they are not in this competition. 

5) The don'tgiveafuck - tired of being here. Tired of negotiating. Tired. 

6) The over-prepared - you would think this was the same as the retired gunner, but no. These people don't just have the law. They have the excel sheets on their computers at the hand with the formulas to turn their numbers into a final offer. Fuck them.

7) The Hillary - I once heard Hillary referred to as a snake. As in, she looked like she would unhinge her jaw at any time and swallow you whole. I can appreciate this, however terrifying it may be. 

8) Medicated/nonmedicated - these are the people either dosed up on Adderall or not...when they should be. They are talking a million miles an hour, bouncing around from subject to subject like monkeys on crack, and generally making my hand itch. 

All in all, though, I've been having a good time. We got in at a reasonable hour last night, had dinner at a delicious place, and our suite is GREAT. 

And while at that delicious restaurant, hanging out at the bar and waiting for a table, something even more delicious happened. I was drinking water. The bartender saw everyone in my group had drinks and made sure I didn't want something, to which I replied I didn't want an $11 drink I could get for $6 back at home.

And I received that drink. For $6.

How's that for a friggin' negotiation?

I'm pretty sure this cover letter covers it all......

Click on it to make it bigger. Happy Hump Day.

--Dr. J

Occupy Reality

The law school scam bloggers have discovered new territory when it comes to making their voices heard: OCCUPY _________. I've got an idea for them: how about they occupy Common Sense Land?

I generally tend try my damnedest to not pipe in on people's Facebook statuses railing against "the man." I've even (shockingly) agreed with the Rolling Stone's ideas regarding a list of goals OWS might adopt (which are actually pretty good; y'all should head on over and read if you have the time or inclination).

But when people call me a law school shill, it tends to piss me off.

Particularly when the person railing against law schools fabricating employment rates and job opportunities has neglected to read the fine print.

And when he should have been on notice that the fact that he had SIX DUI's would almost certainly impact his ability to even be admitted into the practice of law (at least three of which were obtained while in good ole law school--one of which was on a moped).

But I digress.

I, personally, would love to not have any type of student loan debt. However, I have no loans from undergrad. I made a choice to attend a public university with lesser tuition. I also applied for a gazillion scholarships. And then I pursued a degree in a science-related field. When I was sick of my mom hammering me about borrowing money for "fun stuff," I got a damn job. And I waited tables and learned how to budget my money accordingly.

No, I don't think our country has it together. But I also don't see what good is served by taking over a month off of work (if you have a job; if not, taking a month off from looking for work) to rail against Wall Street, when it seems your beef is with the federal government. And the pink hair? It sure as hell ain't helping your cause.

To this day, I'm still not quite sure what the OWS movement is attempting to accomplish. I'm pretty sure they don't know either.

But I do know that when I graduate from law school, even if I'm only making 30K a year, I'll pay those loans I took out. Because that's what you do when you borrow money. They didn't GIVE IT TO ME.

It's called a loan for a reason.

Don'tgiveafuck

For some classes, you tab. For others, you read the footnotes. And for many, you don't do jackshit.

Or maybe that's just me.

Forgive my absence for the past few days. I started working on a cartoon outlining one of the many reasons I hate law students. And then I realized I cannot draw. Which means that my attempt at a cartoon will come soon. And I will have warned you. (So don't bitch at me when my stick-figure lady has lopsided boobs or is drawn to a physically impossible scale.)

As I was writing earlier: different classes (even those not in law school) require different things. The more you like a class, the more willing you are to do those things. In the vein of honesty, though, I'd like to clarify something regarding these so called "lovable" classes: people generally don't love classes because of the subject matter. They also don't love them because "they learned so much." Many will credit the teacher for a class being amazing. My opinion? Classes are dependent upon the people in them.

Take, for instance, one of my criminal classes. Don't get me wrong: I love criminal work. Love getting my hands dirty, learning the gory details, then figuring out the pieces to the puzzle. But this particular criminal class? I would rather gouge out my eyes while setting myself on fire and jumping off a cliff ala Denethor of LOTR than be present. The people, quite simply, make me shudder to even think of the next class period. Perhaps it isn't the people singularly, but as a whole. Or perhaps I just need a cocktail to enjoy the class a little bit more, especially if people are going to twist my words when I note certain things that are detrimental to a prosecution's case. I really think the thing that makes this class so unbearable is the fact that I would otherwise absolutely love the course if it weren't subjected to a complete lack of don'tgiveafuck from those around me. Or, you know, if they'd read the GD BOOK.

Then there's the classes in which I don'tgiveafuck. For those, I do try to read. I do not, however, attempt to answer questions. Because I understand that my don'tgiveafuck can be annoying to others. If I am forced to answer a question, I do so quickly. But since we know that no professor asks me a question (go back and read "The Plan" if you need to know more about my tactics), that doesn't happen. See? I strive to make the learning experience pleasant for those around me.

Clinic classes are also completely dependent upon those in your group. I'm lucky enough to have some great teachers for those classes. For the most part, the people in them are pretty good too....because it's hard to have a case of don'tgiveafuck when people's futures are literally in your hands. I can honestly say, however, if I ask a question to a peer hoping for a real answer while in said clinic, the answer "I don't know" while not looking up from their texting does piss me off. Particularly when they do know but don'tgiveafuck enough to take two seconds to simply process my answer and respond intelligently.

I hope don'tgiveafuck ain't catching.

Because I hear 3Ls are particularly susceptible to this condition......