Potential Solo Practitioner?

The past few days I've been thinking more and more about opening my own firm. I've been hesitant to do it until now for several reasons, including (a) my lack of resources (opening a firm takes money, yo), (b) my lack of experience, (c) my lack of connections, and (d) the yellow belly I kept hidden under my shirt. However, I just had the pleasure of counting up how many jobs I've been rejected for in the past year, and I came up with around 250.

I also read a recent article one of my friends posted on Facebook in which it discussed how going jobless for one year has more than an impact of making you hate your life broke for an entire year--it actually decreases your life's overall expected earning potential.

Let's just speed up the process a little.

I don't speak often about my earlier years, but here's some knowledge for ya: my mom owned her own business for the first thirteen years of my life. She rented movies and made pizza, and I saw the daily struggles associated with owning one's own business. A lot of times she was in the red, our store got broken into once and the idiot bled EVERYWHERE (he broke a window, then rather than opening it, CLIMBED THROUGH IT AND SCRATCHED HIMSELF TO HELL). I saw it when the supply truck didn't come when he was supposed to. And I saw her have to deal with difficult customers. I also saw the perks--she was able to have the school bus drop us off each day, she could close early if there was inclement weather or if my brother or I were puking our guts out, and she was head bitch in charge.

M, head bitch in charge (and my hero)

As for me, I've been waiting and hoping and praying to God I could get a job. But that's normally not the kind of person I am. I like to make my own opportunities, and I don't do well taking a backseat waiting for things to happen. And, quite frankly, I've reached the point where I'm tired of waiting.

So I guess what I'm saying is that my cowardice has finally been trumped by my impatience and sense of being fed up with the state of my professional life. As such, I've started researching what I'm going to need to start my own law firm. After looking a lot of stuff up, I feel reasonably confident that I can start a law firm with about a $2000-$3000 shoestring budget (and that will cover a downpayment for malpractice insurance as well). I want to aim at opening at the beginning of next year, and I've picked a small town next to a big city in which to operate, both to limit competition and to lower costs of operation. This means I'll have to move there in October-November, then focus on learning the community and networking my ass off.

But honestly? I'm kinda excited. JURIS IS BACK IN ACTION, BABY.

Prepared for the best. And by best, I mean worst. 

Any tips or suggestions? Or comments? 

Things not to say to unemployed, job-seeking attorneys

I wrote this post back in October, never dreaming that nearly a seven months later, I'd still be without a job. But here I am, and here it is. At the time, I was rubbed raw about a comment about my unemployment, and wrote this as a response. However, I didn't post it because I feared repenting in leisure. Today, I'm not angry. I'm not upset about anyone's words. And I'm really glad most of my friends have jobs. I will admit I'm extremely frustrated about my self-perceived lack of forward momentum and the way I feel stuck in neutral while the rest of the world passes me by. I yearn for a sense of autonomy. A sense of purpose. And let's not forget actually having cash on hand. Regardless, I think this is a good and somewhat funny post and it seems a shame to let it lay around in my drafts folder. 

Also, enjoy this excellent gif of how I react when anyone tries to tell me about what I should be doing differently during my job hunt: 

Just...no.

JOBLESS AND HOPELESS: 

 Some of y'all out there don't realize how much your words may hurt. Allow me to bring that to your attention...............

Things Not to Say to Newly Minted, Unemployed, Job-Seeking Attorneys

1. “Why don’t you just work pro bono for a while?”
   
   
    OMG, I’D LOVE TO WORK PRO BONO. I’m assuming you’ll be paying for my malpractice insurance in case someone sues me? No? Oh, then you’ll pay any court costs that arise for my clients who cannot pay filing fees and cannot get them waived? No? Then SHUT THE FUCK UP.
   
   
2. “Wow. After seeing how hard of a time you’re having finding gainful employment, I’m so glad I’ve got a job!”
   
   
   I do not care how well-meaning you are. This comes across as smug. And offensive. And generally douchey. And quite frankly, I’m not sure how you think comparing your employment to my PROFESSIONAL LIFE SUCKING is supposed to be (a) supportive, (b) empathetic, or (c) appropriate in any setting.
   
   
3. “What are you doing wrong?”::deep breath:: I really don’t want to have this conversation with you. I also REALLY don’t want to rip your head off. If I’m doing anything wrong, it’s surrounding myself with assholes like you. But seriously, I invite you to look at legal employment statistics, right now: here, here, and here. Then I invite you to shut the fuck up.
4. “You can open your own practice! It will be easy!”
   
   
   I’ll forgive you for your ignorance this one time. Firms cost money. And I’m unemployed. And I don’t have malpractice insurance. And I don’t have any forms. And I’ve never practiced law before, so my potential for screwing this up is remarkably high. I also can’t afford a legal search engine. And I’m scared. And did I mention I have no money?!?!
   
   
5. ::quotes depressing employment statistic::
   
   
   Good for you! You read the above links and know about unemployment in America! Again, how is it supposed to make us feel any better? If anything, it makes us feel worse, because we’re now a statistic, and these numbers don’t offer anything in way of improving our situation.
6. “Maybe you should lower your expectations.”

   You’re absolutely right! I should work at Footlocker! Or for no money! And no benefits! Also, I should absolutely welcome sexual harassment from the skeezy guy that’s offered me a great “business opportunity.” Look, buddy: I’m not looking for a $100,000 per year job. I just want to get paid for my work. And I’d like to work in a field where I’m utilizing the degree for which I’m currently paying student loans. If my expectations get any lower, I might as well cut up my cardboard box and get out my Sharpie marker. 

Being unemployed and looking is hard. I’ve applied for a lot of jobs. I’ve been rejected by all of them in some fashion. I know many people are well-meaning, and just as many just don’t think before they open their mouths. However, it hurts. My first student loan bill just came in. And if you don’t think I had a mini-breakdown thinking about my inability to repay these debts, then you’d be wrong.

None of us like to show how much this continuous rejection hurts. I like to make funny posts about my bevvy of job-hunting fails because it minimizes the fear and upset and confusion and uncertainty. We also don’t like to tell you to shut up, because a lot of times it’s the people closest to us that are making these comments.

So please, before you try to “empathize” with new (or even old) lawyers that cannot find a job, think about the comment you’re about to make. If it’s anything other than “I’m really sorry” or “I hope things start looking up for you,” then don’t say it. Treat us like we’ve just suffered some great loss. Because we have. We have lost our confidence. And our faith.

And even though we know it will eventually get better, it doesn’t minimize the enormity of now. 

No, she doesn't leap buildings with a single bound...because she isn't GIVEN THE CHANCE. 

Job Market...an update and some admissions

Let's be real. I'm not an eternal optimist per se, but I DO believe in doors opening and opportunities presenting themselves and all that Pollyanna bullshit. I believe in positive thinking, and I'm dogged in my approach in that if I'm kicked, I return for more. It's very difficult for me to accept defeat, although I'm very much so used to it and am not normally used to having things handed to me on a highly-polished silver platter.

There has been a marked shift in my thinking since I've graduated from law school and passed the bar. I attribute this to the fact that I've been facing the realities of the legal job market for nearly a year, and still feel as if no new job opportunities are on my horizon. Although I don't think I have to explain jack-shit about my résumé, for the sake of allowing you some insight to my situation: I was solidly in the middle of my graduating class. My family are NOT lawyers, and I attended law school in a state other than I grew up in. I also took and passed the bar in that same state. I completed two separate internships with highly respected judges, one of which was for our state's Supreme Court. I participated in three separate legal clinics, was on two traveling teams, donated over 300 hours of pro bono time to the indigent while in law school, and took a wide variety of classes. I liked the rigors of law school, particularly the types of rigors associated with the practice of law.

So yeah, while my grades were mediocre, I've got plenty on my résumé and feel confident in my achievements. Which is why my continued state of unemployment is such a bitter pill to swallow. (Plus the fact that there are people who weren't even in the middle of the class who are employed and have been since graduation.)

So let me hit you with some truth, if you haven't realized it yet: the legal job market SUCKS. I recently interviewed for a job for a legal secretary position in which 25 applications were received and THREE of them were from current lawyers. This was for a $26,000 position, mind you, out in the middle of Bumfuck Egypt. I'll let that sink in for a moment. 

And when I read blog posts from people still in law school telling people who've already taken the bar and are seeking employment that they should talk to their career services department at their school, I just want to laugh. Hysterically. While slightly weeping. While I never endeavored to tell people how they should be searching for jobs when I didn't know of them or their situation, I used to be as positive (I'll refrain from calling it naive or blind). But the reality is that career services can't create jobs. And if your department is telling you of that job, it means at least twenty of your colleagues are also going to competing against you for that position. 

I've also had someone ask me what was wrong with my applications when I told her I was still looking for a job. She's lucky to still be breathing, as I would have rather snapped her neck than listen to her speak another syllable. People don't get it. Even people within the profession or who are actively involved in those who are in the profession. 

And even when I have an interview and do reaallly well and feel realllly good about it, they normally never call me back. It's like dating from hell. I send each of my cover letters and résumés out with a little prayer (or whatever one calls it). I'm still hopeful, but cautiously so. Because this much rejection hurts. Although not nearly as bad as the ignorance that abounds regarding what I'm doing wrong with respect to my job hunting. 

Employment musings**

I don't know much about job offers. I do know that I'm REALLLLLY jonesing for employment. However, I don't think employers realize I'm not going to bend over and take it for the "privilege" of having a legal job.

I recently interviewed for a criminal defense job. And by interviewed, I mean I showed up prior to my interview time, waited for forty-five minutes, and was then told that the interviewer was in court and wouldn't be meeting with me (I'm sorry, did CELL PHONES CEASE TO FUNCTION IN THIS ALTERNATE DIMENSION OF JOB-HAVING?!?!).

They then asked me if I could reschedule. I told them no. I had driven three hours. And that I could WAIT for him to be done with court (because I understand about being held up in court. I really do, even though I look 15 and like I'm not even old enough to be a paralegal, much less a lawyer). After much harumphing, they agreed and told me that they would call me when he could meet with me later that day.

They then suggested I go to the mall to waste some time. Yeah....because I'm really going to strut around the mall in my power pantsuit and five inch patent leather heels. (I'm not going to pretend I wasn't insulted though I laughed it off at the time.)

So I went to the local Irish pub and had a grilled cheese. And didn't have a shot of their finest, no matter how much I was tempted.

Which sucked, because they then rescheduled for SIX FORTY-FIVE IN THE FUCKING EVENING.

Now, after my interview, I'm trying to figure out whether the first 2K toward overhead and making 50% on every buck after that is worth being employed. I wouldn't have health insurance, although malpractice insurance would be covered. I'm also pretty sure that his firm isn't incorporated, as I couldn't find it on the state registry, which makes me worried about general partnership and liability that may arise.

Does anyone have any advice about employment, benefits, and what is or is not a good/raw deal with regard to potential legal employment?

**I wrote this while under the influence of margaritas. Do not judge me.

Legal job prospects really aren't looking so good

....which is why I made a chart about it, rather than crying some more while on the phone with a fellow unemployed friend sitting here moping about it.

As you can see, I'm on anger, although it swings wildly between rage and depression. I got rejected twice in the past 24 hours for two jobs I really wanted.

(Bastards.)

On the prowl....

Rawr.

Making Short-Term Goals

I recently read a post by one of my friends discussing various (financial) goals she made for herself and accomplished, and it made me seriously consider the state of my own affairs/life. Yes, I've graduated from law school and passed the bar, and yes, I've been scrambling to find a job, but I haven't really sat down and analyzed my goals in a logical, coherent way. I'm a person who bites off more than she can chew, and I tend to overwhelm myself with goals, which is why I rarely make them. I, instead, mostly focus on the little things day by day, and hope that I eventually reach the big picture.

While I realize a large part of my frustration has to do with the (shitty) economy and lack of (respectable) legal jobs for new graduates, there has to be a better way of approaching my joblessness and mounting desperation resulting from the realization that I may be, quite possibly, a true member of the boomerang generation. Thus, I sat down and asked myself DATES I'd like to have certain things materialize by, and what I would need to do in order to accomplish those goals. This was difficult, because a lot of my aspirations have everything to do with other people and their decision to hire me, which is something I can only marginally control.

Nonetheless, I've created a list of goals that I hope to realize within the next few months. Here goes....

These months are the tentative dates I hope to have these particular things accomplished by, and while there are some big ticket items on there, I realize I may not accomplish things in this order. However, there's nothing I like better than crossing stuff off a list, so wish me luck.

What goals are y'all seeking to accomplish in the next few months?

Job Search, Part 1 (Or: How the Job Search is Disgustingly Like Internet Dating)

One of my friends and I were conversing about the sad state of job hiring within the legal profession right now. This has prompted me to create a series about this all-too-familiar topic, which reminds me of internet dating. Part 1? From the employer's perspective. 

(Must be nice.)

My job search, illustrated by my illustrious LOLZ KATZ

So I'm gathering my documents together in anticipation of sending out a shitstorm's worth of resumes and cover letters in the next few days.

This means I'm looking for people that are ACTUALLY hiring. Which actually means that I'm sending out a shitton of resumes to ALL THE LAWYERS.

If this demand doesn't work, I'll probably be forced to pull out the big guns.

I've got all the qualities someone should want when hiring a law clerk/associate/gopher bitch:

1) I'm good at giving orders.

2) I'm a hard worker.

3) I am well-groomed.

Considering the state of the economy, I'm not going to hold my breath.

Now please excuse me while I sit in front of the mirror and repeat my special mantra.

Back that ass up

2011 was a good year. 2012 is going to be even better. 

Because I said so, dammit. 

I've been spending a lot of time doing nothing the past couple of weeks. And when I say nothing, I mean not even feeding myself (although I have, admittedly, been showering). With the new year comes new responsibilities, however, and there are some big changes I am looking forward to in 2012. In 2012, I graduate from law school. I will hopefully pass the Bar. I will also hopefully land a job. That is a shit ton of hoping, children.

With a new job presumably comes a move. I'm not sure where I am moving. I am not sure if I will even be hired. Which means I'm designating 2012 as:

THE YEAR OF THE BACKUP....

A backup plan if things don't work out how they should. A backup plan to ensure my continued sanity. A backup plan that somehow doesn't involve my parents paying for my bills and gas.

Because we all know that stripping is a totally legitimate backup plan, right?

Right??????

Lucy in the Sky with Cubic Zirconium

This week was pretty much the week from Hell. I had a shitton of stuff I had to make happen, including a few interviews for externships next semester, a presentation for one of my classes, and a gazillion client interviews that somehow had to take place. But somehow I got through it and it's now Friday and I'm sitting in my house clutching two bags of Goodwill purchases and rocking myself like a baby preparing to make dinner like a big kid. (Okay, I did go to Goodwill.)

The most interesting thing to take place this week was probably one of the interviews for a judicial externship. I went in and introduced myself and the judge (who I have NEVER EVER MET BEFORE) said it was nice to see me again, effectively shaming me into a pool of self-doubt about whether we had, in fact, ever actually been introduced before. I maintain we hadn't. But I digress. After our standard repartee regarding why I want the externship and my studies (which I kinda like, because I always seem to have a new answer), we started to meander into other topics.

Like how she once represented a woman in a divorce proceeding who always smelled kinda funny and she never knew what the scent was. Until the lady was arrested for meth. (Oops for requesting child custody.)

Or how I had done an internship this summer and was scared shitless about the job and how much I anticipated hating it (I may have substituted in crap instead) and how I actually ended up loving it. (Maybe that's kinda relevant.)

Or how it's impossible for someone to overdose on LSD, and how the judge had always kinda wanted to try it, but figured she would have a flashback twenty years down the road in court and so she never did.

And how LSD is now being advocated for people suffering severe depression and it supposedly actually works.

And how anytime I smell pot, I want to barf all over the place and how I hate getting on the bus because I never know if the bus will smell like Reefer Joe over in the corner who just got done toking it up right before he boarded.

Oh, and how I saw pot the first time when I was in college and how I had a minor freakout.

And how she knew kids that smoked pot all the time in law school and once they pulled it out in front of her and she also had a minor freakout.

We then agreed that legalizing drugs wasn't necessarily a problem, since the people who are going to try heroin are going to do it regardless of whether it's legal or not, and we just don't want to have to deal with people doing it in public.

Yes, people, I spent approximately 25.3465 minutes of a 30 minute interview discussing drugs...with a circuit judge.

She offered me the externship the next morning. And naturally I accepted.

I'm pretty sure this cover letter covers it all......

Click on it to make it bigger. Happy Hump Day.

--Dr. J