Not enough hours in the day.....

The end of school is rapidly approaching, and I'm confronting life with all the grace of a lumbering wildebeest and the social skills of a velociraptor.

I have three finals in the course of a week, six memos to finish for ONE clinic, final hours for a judicial externship, a 10 page paper for the aforementioned judicial externship, and OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE..................

My heightened surliness was recently remarked upon by my mother, Mad Maxine, who has a velociraptor approach in every avenue of life (thus making her observations that much more poignant).

Max: you've gotta relax a little bit. You've been bitchier than ever lately. What calms you down?
Me: Tequila.
Max: No, seriously.
Me: I am being serious. Tequila.
Max: Okay....
Me: So what do you suggest?
Max: Tequila.


If you need me, I'll be under my desk clutching my bff bottle.

Don't bet against the bailiff

I'm not sure if I've written about my externship before, since I generally shy away from anything that has to do with court proceedings in the interest of judicial secrecy. That being said, I work several hours per week with hilariously awesome people in this particular court setting. As is typical with awesome people, craziness ensues a large majority of the time. 

Like today, when I lost a bet. 

We had a hearing regarding parents that don't get along and refuse to get along for the interest of their two children. They have allowed these kids to have Facebook accounts. The parents also have Facebook accounts, and apparently Momsy spends a good majority of the time making sexual innuendos and bashing Dadsy on her wall. My Judge, hereby named "Her Awesomeness," has been dealing with this couple for a while now. Today they were in court to squabble about the young girl having a Facebook (and I mean this girl is well below the age required by Facebook policy to even qualify for an account). 

While duking it out, it became blatantly obvious that both of these parents were off their rockers. And that Her Awesomeness was getting pretty damn pissed. 

Imagine how much more pissed she became when she realized Momsy took her barely teenaged son to a place I'll call Knockers to celebrate his birthday...in clear violation of a court order regarding the consumption of alcohol around the children (hand to God, Her Awesomeness was actually quoted in the previous transcripts as saying the parents should view alcohol as seriously as cocaine if it was around the children, as the kids had been so over-exposed to alcohol in the past). 

Which brings me to my bet. As Bailiff Larry and I were waiting for Her Awesomeness's ruling, he figured out loud that Judge would probably hold Momsy in contempt (Knockers was just the beginning). Her Awesomeness is a really kickass and (extremely) sweet lady, so I naturally assumed it would take more to rile Judge up.

And of course, I was wrong. 

Which is why I'm now making brownies for the entire court tomorrow. 

But hey, I got to see someone arrested! TOTALLY WORTH IT.