SO MUCH FAIL

In a nice change pace regarding my normal blog post topic of unemployment, today I feel the need to rant about my hatred of and bad luck with technology.

Yes...today I spilled an entire mug of chai all over my undeserving laptop. I immediately knew what to do. Why? BECAUSE I DID ALMOST THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING TWO WEEKS AGO.

So now my laptop is in pieces, drying out on my windshield in the sun.

::groan::

Is it Friday yet?

Welcome to my life (or: how even oldies are NOT always goldies)

Tonight, I had to prepare some paperwork for an important deadline. This paperwork HAS TO BE IN TOMORROW (with a postmark and everything). It's kinda a BFD. Accordingly, I waited until the last damn minute to do it (procrastination at its finest, y'all). So when I finally decided to get down to it, I realized oh shit....I'm not sure what kind of technology I'll be using (I generally use my own, but since I needed a printer, I'd have to borrow the whole kit and kaboodle). Not a big deal, right? HA.

So I went downstairs, and was greeted by this guy:

While this seems relatively harmless and docile, it's actually a RELIC. Many computers nowadays consist of something like this--except the entirety of the computer is actually contained WITHIN this component, instead of just serving as the screen (which went obsolete about, oh say, ten years ago). Monitors you can deal with, however. I was relieved to turn to the side and see this:

Don't let the windows sticker or USB drives fool you like they did me, though. Those are just for show. In actuality, this computer does NOT have Microsoft Word (or Works, or even Open Office, for those of us too cheap to purchase the real deal). And those USB drives? THEY.DON'T.WORK. I only figured this out, though, after repeatedly trying to access the internet. I might as well have been trying to teach a monkey the theory of relativity (and I would have probably had more success with the monkey). After spending over 45 minutes trying to enter my email and look at my documents in Word while online, I finally gave up and looked for my external hard drive. That's how I found out the awesome window dressings on the front of the tower were just for show. Way to go, HP guys! What a great trick you played on me! (If I could, I would hunt you down and bludgeon you to death. Just so you know.) So after I finally found a USB jack I could effectively plug my external into, I made the mistake of peeking at the printer.

Yep, folks. THAT'S THE ICING ON MY CAKE. Welcome to 1992. After gritting and gnashing my teeth, pulling out some of my hair, cursing every person to ever work at HP (and their nearest blood relatives), and threatening to end.that.tower....I was greeted by the slowest printer ON EARTH.

Seven pages.

Thirty minutes.

And another crack in my sanity.

Pretty sure technology isn't the only thing that hates me.

I'm a bad influence

A friend of mine who I've keyed into my super secret identity has decided to spend some of his valuable time procrastinating, and just upgraded my banner at the top of the page. Apparently, his pen is way cooler than mine (and I have to admit his lines are cleaner). To add insult to injury, he used a free program. So, Mr. Z (as I shall call him): thank you.

As an aside to break up the whole studying thing, apparently technology has gone one more step to show its undying hatred for me: the hard drive recommended to me by the technology guys at my school is for DESKTOPS. Mr. Technology Guy, you are hereby demoted to my shit list. Not only am I out $45, but I'm also forced to look at a hard drive that is thicker than the WHOLE of my computer (because I can't just throw away the hard drive). (And I'm not the idiot here--I still have the print off showing the EXACT same hard drive I'm currently staring at.)

It's time for a run for supplies. I'm running low on the necessaries (no, not the "law school" necessaries of booze and cigarettes--the "gamer-friendly" necessaries of cheetos, gatoraid, and "5 hour energy").

So for the time being, may the force be with ME, and may you have more success at life than I currently am....

I hate you, technology

I am the girl whose laptop shorted out during the middle of an evidence exam. No, I did not trample anyone or cry out like a raging wildebeest, but it was close. That's not nearly as bad as the story I heard today about a professor's laptop quitting in.the.middle.of.the.BAR.EXAM!!!!!!!!!

I have a love-hate relationship with technology; that is, I love technology and it indubitably hates me. I have been dropped from my insurance plan due to the three telephones I have gone through within the past eight months. All probably my fault, although certainly not intentional. I wouldn't INTENTIONALLY throw my Droid into a toilet. I didn't intentionally place my cell phone on the trunk of my car and crush it to bits. And I certainly didn't mean to crack the screen on my latest phone when I dropped it to the pavement (again, on accident).

My computer now is literally two years old (which is still, like, 60 in computer years, but I digress). It has, however, had problems since the beginning. It began with all of my picture files corrupting. It wouldn't let me run a chkdsk, and when I finally wiped it clean and started over, I though it would be the end of the troubles.

Today, however, I received bad news. My laptop's hard drive has the equivalent of cancer. This means that it is slowly dying...although it could decide to hurry up the process at any given, arbitrary time. Since my parents are tired of my love-hate relationship with cell phones (and their money--again, I love their money; they hate giving it me), they automatically told me there is no way on God's green earth that I am getting a new computer.

My parents have had the same computer for EIGHT YEARS and the desktop is completely filled with icons because they don't understand the use or meaning of a folder. They also think all computer problems are solved by unplugging it from a wall while it's still running. No sympathy there.

So today, my computer had a biopsy. I took it to the school's computer guy (who has mad skillz btw), who told me the news with a somber face and a very good bedside manner. He told me that my hard drive is very sick. He said nothing can be done to save it. He also congratulated me on my slight case of OCD backup mania, and recommended a hard drive I go out and buy. When I mentioned the possibility of the hard drive rising from the grave like Lazarus, the expression on his face told me that Jesus himself could not heal the shitty hand my poor piece of technology has been dealt. 

I sucked it up and ordered my new hard drive. I seriously doubt it will be here before finals start. When they do start, he will be unable to replace my cancer-ridden hard drive until after I am finished because of the damn testing software regulations.

I won't even go into that one time I accidentally left a magnet on the TV and my dad whooped my ass because it ruined the color scheme.