101 in 1001 (Or: my addiction to lists is showing)

The 101 in 1001 days challenge has been around for quite some time, but (like always) I'm just now getting around to it.

I've decided to start today (12/20/2012), and it will end on September 17, 2015 (09/17/2015). (Jesus that's a long time away.)

As I complete them, I'll cross them out, and hyperlink to any blog entries I may have composed about particular goals I accomplished. And I really REALLY want to finish these goals. 

For convenience and ease of grouping, I put them in specific categories. 

Professional Goals

1)            Pass Louisiana Bar Exam

2)            Take a case to trial

3)            Land a great job

4)            Pass Texas Bar Exam

5)            Win a difficult case

6)            Take and pass the Patent Bar

7)            Become accomplished enough in my career that I feel comfortable speaking to undergrad students in my old department about it

8)            Speak to undergrads about career options with respect to my experiences

9)            Write a legal article and submit it for publishing

Personal Goals 

10)        Buy a house

11)        Pay off my student loans

12)        Start a savings account

13)        Become an expert at something

14)        Build or refinish a piece of furniture

15)        Build a budget and stick to it for one month

16)        Do one thing I have always said I would NEVER do

17)        Reconnect with two old friends

Self-Betterment 

18)        Donate 100 hours of pro bono time

19)        Participate in a 5K

20)        Discover a healthy activity I love doing

21)        Don’t cuss for an entire day

22)        Read ten classic novels

23)        Develop a nighttime skin/winding down routine and stick to it for two weeks

24)        Watch five classic movies

25)        Complete one, real, honest-to-God pullup

26)        Take a spin class

Altruism

27)        Write someone a thank you note for influencing me in a positive way

28)        Send someone a care package

29)        Hand write my grandmother a letter

30)        Digitally store and create at least one photo album for my mom

31)        Knit my little brother a scarf

32)        Buy someone a gift just because I can

33)        Give blood

34)        Plant a tree

Educational Endeavors 

35)        Educate myself about the stock market (at least 2 books)

36)        Reeducate myself about ancient history and modern geography (at least 3 texts)

37)        Revisit learning Latin

38)        Visit a museum

39)        Visit the Smithsonian

40)        Go to an orchestra performance with my little brother

Artistic Endeavors 

41)        Audition for a movie or show

42)        Take a painting class

43)        Participate in another play/musical

44)        Watch a Broadway play

45)        Sew something that I’m not embarrassed of

46)        Visit the opera

47)        Perform a musical number with my little brother

48)        Put an Earl the Squirrel story into writing, and make brother illustrate it

49)        Watch a stand up show/routine

Cooking

50)        Make homemade bread

51)        Make a homemade cheesecake

52)        Discover my signature dish

53)        Take a cooking class

54)        Make Christmas cookies with my little brother

55)        Create edible gnocchi

56)        Make a homegrown pesto

57)        Plan and execute an elaborate dinner, complete with tapered candles and music

Autonomy

58)        Do the dishes every night for an entire week

59)        Drink the requisite eight glasses of water every day for an entire week

60)        Go to bed by 11:00 every day for an entire week

61)        Get up at 6:00 every morning for an entire week in order to work out

62)        Change my own oil at least once

63)        Go through ALL old pageant clothes and donate, sell, or trash 90% of them

Travel Plans 

64)        Travel to NYC

65)        Take Josh to New Orleans

66)        Travel abroad

67)        Go camping

68)        Attend my 10 year class reunion

69)        Visit the Grand Canyon

70)        Visit somewhere with crystal clear waters and snorkel

Electronic Age

71)        Digitally store and sort all of my old photos online

72)        Fix an electronic of some sort

73)        Create photo albums of all my precious moments

74)        Finish photo editing photos for important moments (graduation, vacations, swearing ins)

75)        Store all of my old schoolwork digitally and get rid of all the paper I scanned

76)        Organize all of my files and documents

Just because I can.... 

77)        Get my concealed carry

78)        Roast marshmallows around a campfire

79)        Decorate a gingerbread house

80)        Take a partners dance class

81)        Buy myself a piece of jewelry

82)        Buy a hammock and lay in it

83)        Try eyelash extensions

84)        Plant a garden

85)        Frame and mat my diplomas

86)        Read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy

87)        Grow, dry, and drink my own tea

88)        Mail a secret to Post Secret

89)        Pay for a fancy meal for me and the bf

90)        Compose a list of 101 things I’ve already accomplished of which I’m proud

91)        Have a day at the spa

Online Presence 

92)        Meet up with at least one of my twitter friends in real life

93)        Write a blog entry once every day for a week

94)        Break 500 followers on Twitter

95)        Redesign my blog

96)        Market my blog in such a way that I become more mainstream and relevant/pick up   more followers

97)        Blog 10 haikus

Grown Up Stuff 

98)        Host Thanksgiving

99)        Throw a dinner/themed party

100)    Discover and add three new vegetables to my diet

101)    Stand up for one person who is being ganged up on, regardless of the setting

Thursday Morning Lameness

I've been studying Oil and Gas for the Texas Bar Exam. Since I didn't take this course in law school, and since I also wasn't tested on it on my previous bar, it's kinda new to me. Something that particular sticks with me is Texas's interpretation of the open mines doctrine. That lease better never expire, because then you're fucked, life tenant. 

Oh look, it's Ryan Gosling.

Happy Thursday (for what it's worth).

Armadillos from Texas play rap, eating tacos.

If you have watched the Barbri contracts lecture, son, you know what the hell I mean.

(You're welcome.)

Lucy in the Sky with Cubic Zirconium

This week was pretty much the week from Hell. I had a shitton of stuff I had to make happen, including a few interviews for externships next semester, a presentation for one of my classes, and a gazillion client interviews that somehow had to take place. But somehow I got through it and it's now Friday and I'm sitting in my house clutching two bags of Goodwill purchases and rocking myself like a baby preparing to make dinner like a big kid. (Okay, I did go to Goodwill.)

The most interesting thing to take place this week was probably one of the interviews for a judicial externship. I went in and introduced myself and the judge (who I have NEVER EVER MET BEFORE) said it was nice to see me again, effectively shaming me into a pool of self-doubt about whether we had, in fact, ever actually been introduced before. I maintain we hadn't. But I digress. After our standard repartee regarding why I want the externship and my studies (which I kinda like, because I always seem to have a new answer), we started to meander into other topics.

Like how she once represented a woman in a divorce proceeding who always smelled kinda funny and she never knew what the scent was. Until the lady was arrested for meth. (Oops for requesting child custody.)

Or how I had done an internship this summer and was scared shitless about the job and how much I anticipated hating it (I may have substituted in crap instead) and how I actually ended up loving it. (Maybe that's kinda relevant.)

Or how it's impossible for someone to overdose on LSD, and how the judge had always kinda wanted to try it, but figured she would have a flashback twenty years down the road in court and so she never did.

And how LSD is now being advocated for people suffering severe depression and it supposedly actually works.

And how anytime I smell pot, I want to barf all over the place and how I hate getting on the bus because I never know if the bus will smell like Reefer Joe over in the corner who just got done toking it up right before he boarded.

Oh, and how I saw pot the first time when I was in college and how I had a minor freakout.

And how she knew kids that smoked pot all the time in law school and once they pulled it out in front of her and she also had a minor freakout.

We then agreed that legalizing drugs wasn't necessarily a problem, since the people who are going to try heroin are going to do it regardless of whether it's legal or not, and we just don't want to have to deal with people doing it in public.

Yes, people, I spent approximately 25.3465 minutes of a 30 minute interview discussing drugs...with a circuit judge.

She offered me the externship the next morning. And naturally I accepted.

Clusterfuck

As a 3L, one would assume I've somehow managed to get my act together with regard to law school...

And they'd be wrong.

Without fail, I overload myself, overwork myself, underwork on things I should DEFINITELY be working on, and overall seemingly attempt to get my life as close to the description of clusterfuck as I possibly can. And that's just the beginning.

I spoke the other day about how things were starting to get hairy. I'm now freaking out about how little I feel like I've accomplished, and how much I still have left to do. I've got Trial Comp starting tomorrow and have to write a closing statement and finish a direct. I have witness prep also. Oh, and "senior pictures" tomorrow.

Let's not forget the teacher that is making my life a living hell by scheduling class to run til 6:00 instead of 5:00 (I'm leaving at 5:00, I've almost decided). And BOA, who has someone not related to the damn competition sending out emails and usurping my committee head by trying to call meetings regarding subjects he knows nothing about. Oh yeah, and the fact that I have clients coming in uninvited to talk to me about their cases. And trial in a WEEK where I'm repping a child against two felonies.

Add on top of that I have a friend's birthday party(esque) thing tonight, my house is a disaster, and I have approximately FIVE GAZILLION memos to file to write, and I'm starting to unravel a little. AND WE HAVE, LIKE, NINE WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT IN THIS SEMESTER.

But on the up side, I made my school's traveling negotiation team.

And Drop Dead Diva's finale is on tonight....

Adderall is NOT for all

A few months ago, I became highly incensed at someone over at the Bitter Lawyer's blog when she referenced the casual and illegal use of Adderall, then discussed how she was in constant search of a prescription (you can find that blog here). My response went something like this (okay, exactly like this):

This makes me sick. I’m mostly very easygoing about most subjects, but it pisses me off when people abuse prescription drugs to gain an advantage over other people. People that actually need Adderall face a negative stigma because of people like you–those that abuse it just to churn out the work.

If you need Adderall, that is one thing. But to shamelessly act as if you are entitled to it because you want to get ahead? It, quite frankly, pisses me off. 

Now allow me to explain why I get so angry about this particular subject. Two years ago, I began law school. I have always been highly hyperactive, although for the most part, I used my excess energy to achieve other things. Many assumed I was medicated, and many others recommended that I medicate (to which I always politely asked where they received their medical degrees and why they were working in such a low-paying field since they were a DOCTOR). But I digress...


As I said, I began law school two years ago. I loved it. I still do. Loved everything about it...including the people....all of them....for approximately 2.5 months.

Then it went downhill really, really, REALLY quickly.

You see, most people don't understand that ADHD comes in three different types: inattentive, hyperactive-impulsive, and combined. For the most part, when people think of ADHD, they think of children bouncing all over the damn walls asking too many questions and never paying attention. That's combined ADHD, and the most common type, which is why most people think of it when ADHD comes to mind.

I am hyperactive-impulsive ADHD. I'm no longer ashamed of it. For a very long time, I assumed my symptoms were merely due to a Type A personality. It wasn't until I went to law school and began to run into the severe social stigma associated with these symptoms that I began realizing it could potentially be a problem. Hence the downhillishness (which was straight up Elle Woods style--aka: take your damn muffins and go away; we don't want you in our study group). In fact, most people do not realize that many people diagnosed with ADHD do not medicate to focus better, but to become more acceptable and in-line with societal expectations.

I finally broke when I had a group of "mean girl" law students (and I'm talking women in their 20's and 30's) send a "representative" mean girl over to one of my few friends to tell her if my "behavior" continued, then they would be contacting the teacher of a particular class to essentially tattle on me.

This came shortly after the beginning of my second semester in law school. Grades had been announced, and (SURPRISE) I had not done nearly as well as I would have liked. I had approximately two friends in law school, and had been abandoned by all of my initial group of friends when the hustle began for first semester final exam studying.

Mind you, my behavior was not over the top. However, hyperactivity and impulsiveness is not easily managed, and pisses a few people off. Although I would argue others should really (REALLY) become more tolerable to the differences in others and should strive to accept others, the harsh reality was that my symptoms, although acceptable to almost everyone around me, had a couple of others willing to come forward and essentially try to ruin my life.

I went to the psychology center on campus and started testing for my problems with Tom, an incredible grad student who didn't just test, but also dug in depth to my past and current problems. (A lot of people are also misdiagnosed with ADHD when they really have depression, FYI.) I explained to him how unfair I thought it was that I was the one who should be considering medicine, when others should have just considered tolerance, and that's when his counseling came in. If anyone has seen the Glee episode where Emma speaks to a Psychiatrist/Psychologist (fittingly, from the episode named "Acceptance"), his speech was VERY similar to that. However, he was a bit more understanding as well, because he said IT WASN'T FAIR. It shouldn't be me who has to change. He explained to me in many ways, my brain had already rewired to get along more easily in society. He was the one who explained to me how many people who are ADHD medicate in order to meet societal expectations (for those of you that think it's about studying or paying attention in class...it's a LOT more than that). And it's because of him I was officially diagnosed ADHD....

Hyperactive-impulsive ADHD, to be exact. That means that I have trouble controlling my impulses (like speaking out in class or eating six cupcakes when I'm not hungry). It means that I go at a faster speed than a lot of people. And yes, sometimes I do have trouble concentrating, because I have impulses to do OTHER THINGS. Or because I get so caught up on one little detail, that I miss the big picture (which is hell on a law school exam).

Because of my diagnosis, I was now able to speak to a psychiatrist about medicine. I did go to one on campus, and he was also incredible. We spoke at length about how I didn't want to medicate and become another person. I told him I didn't want medicine just to be able to do better in school. And I also expressed (again) my frustration regarding others' reactions around me.

I'm now on a low-dosage of Adderall. In some ways, it has helped immensely. I can sit down and listen to a teacher without feeling the need to ask questions. I don't get hung up on the small details nearly as much anymore. And I still feel like myself.

But let me tell you, it should never have come down to others FORCING me to take action because of my symptoms. I should never have been made to feel like a terrible person because of things I couldn't help. And even though the medicine does help, it still incenses me that I broke down in tears many times because of a bunch of mean girls threatening me about something over which I had no control.

I didn't intend for this blog to become my own personal story about my battles with Attention Hyperactivity Deficit Disorder, but now that it's out, I feel a lot better. If you are having problems, I urge you to seek counseling. Medicine is not everything, and does not heal all, but talking to someone definitely does.

And it's nothing to feel ashamed about.

The Link Between ADHD and the Ability to See Ghosts

I am reading an interesting book by Caren B. Goode right now called Kids Who See Ghosts.  I'm not very far into the book, but it is well written and well researched.  It brings up some interesting neurological research that I was unaware of in the first chapter.  According to Goode,
          "Brain mapping using EEG topography has found that creativity and intuition are associated with theta waves usually linked with daydreaming or fantasizing.  Theta waves are calm states in which intellectual activity at the conscious level isn't occurring. Children and adults with ADHD produce excessive theta waves.  Most people, children and adults alike, who see ghosts experience theta waves or brain-wave states of relaxation and meditation.  People who practice psychic skills have learned to concentrate in these states and master their psychic ability."

One of my constant concerns when I was working as a child therapist was the over medication of young children.  As a therapist,  I wasn't given an opportunity to question the psychiatrists who are given most of the control in the field, but the standard of care for children who have any problems was to diagnosis them almost exclusively with ADHD and medicate them.  Every child I saw in therapy was also being medicated for ADHD, despite the fact that research shows that this medication suppresses growth and causes other side effects.  In my opinion,  many of the children being medicated for ADHD didn't actually even have it.  They had PTSD or adjustment disorders etc., but of course that is another matter.  The ones who did have ADHD were often high functioning and performing well in school, but their behavior was a problem so they were medicated because it is a quick and easy fix to children who don't conform.

This research brings to light other questions.  In a world where ADHD is diagnosed in every other child,  could we be suppressing children's potential.   There have been links seen between ADHD and creativity and if is Good is right then perhaps there also might be links between ADHD and psychic abilities.  Are we suppressing our children's potential when we medicate them into silent, compliant behavior?   Are we shutting out the portion of their mind that might let them see beyond the concrete into a more abstract and deep world of ghosts and beauty?